Comments on: Worried For 15 Year Old Gay Daughter http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter Help For Parents Of Gay Children Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:36:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Tina http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-57983 Tina Wed, 02 Nov 2011 01:30:17 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-57983 I am worried as well for my 14 yr old daughter. She finally admitted to me 2 yrs ago that she liked girls. It really wasn't a surprise but at the same time it seemed difficult to take in. I love her and she has my full support. Our issues is how she gets harassed, talked about, bullied & so on at school. We've been dealing with it since the start of middle school. This is year number four. Today was an exceptionally hard day. My daughter let what someone said about her get to her, and she decided this girl needed speggetti dumped on her head in front of the whole lunchroom. This is an example of how not to react to bullying! My daughter was punished at home and by the school giving her 3 days of out of school suspension. I fully accept my daughter as being gay. I think it would have been much easier if she came out AFTER high school. I pray that she makes it through the next few years- litterally. Tina I am worried as well for my 14 yr old daughter. She finally admitted to me 2 yrs ago that she liked girls. It really wasn’t a surprise but at the same time it seemed difficult to take in. I love her and she has my full support. Our issues is how she gets harassed, talked about, bullied & so on at school. We’ve been dealing with it since the start of middle school. This is year number four. Today was an exceptionally hard day. My daughter let what someone said about her get to her, and she decided this girl needed speggetti dumped on her head in front of the whole lunchroom. This is an example of how not to react to bullying! My daughter was punished at home and by the school giving her 3 days of out of school suspension. I fully accept my daughter as being gay. I think it would have been much easier if she came out AFTER high school. I pray that she makes it through the next few years- litterally. Tina

]]> By: Liz http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-34861 Liz Tue, 23 Aug 2011 18:20:41 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-34861 Hi Deb, I read your letter and it sounded just like me. I have a 14 year girl who has mentioned that she likes girls more than boys. When she told me this I was hurt, confused and emotionally all over the place. I have a 23 year son and I always wanted a little girl and dreamed of her prom, wedding and having her children. Now, all I think of is how hard life can be for her. I love my baby and would protect her at all cost. I'm just not sure how to help her. I am still mourning the lost of that little girl. Not sure how to help her and myself all at the same time. If anyone has advice please help. I love my girl and she is a wonderful teenager. I want to be there for her in every step of her life. I also acknowledge needing help with all the changes in our lives. Liz Hi Deb,
I read your letter and it sounded just like me. I have a 14 year girl who has mentioned that she likes girls more than boys. When she told me this I was hurt, confused and emotionally all over the place. I have a 23 year son and I always wanted a little girl and dreamed of her prom, wedding and having her children. Now, all I think of is how hard life can be for her. I love my baby and would protect her at all cost. I’m just not sure how to help her. I am still mourning the lost of that little girl. Not sure how to help her and myself all at the same time. If anyone has advice please help. I love my girl and she is a wonderful teenager. I want to be there for her in every step of her life. I also acknowledge needing help with all the changes in our lives.

Liz

]]> By: Mona http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-34570 Mona Tue, 23 Aug 2011 02:04:24 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-34570 I have the same situation as Deb, I found out by accident when I was looking at my facebook website and saw that my daughter's friend had listed that she and my daughter were in a relationship with each other. I wasn't very tactful when I asked her about it because I was so shocked. She had always talked to me about all her male crushes and concerns and it took me by surprise. It hasn't changed my loving her and my husband and I have told her that we love her for who she is. The main difficulty I'm having is on how to treat the girlfriend situation. I have told her that since she is 16 we will treat her girlfriend the same as if she were a boyfriend. I'm not sure how to deal with the hanging out together all the time. Is it ok to set rules for dating as we would if she were dating a boy. She seems to use it against us by stating that we wouldn't act the same with her straight girlfriends. That is true because she's not having a relationship with them. How do you set guidelines for your gay teen wouldn't they be the same no matter what the sex? I feel our communication is breaking down and she threatens to leave if we don't let her do what she wants in her relationship. We accept her friend and have welcome her in our home but that doesn't seem to be enough. I'm not sure how to get the relationship back that I had with her before. I have the same situation as Deb, I found out by accident when I was looking at my facebook website and saw that my daughter’s friend had listed that she and my daughter were in a relationship with each other. I wasn’t very tactful when I asked her about it because I was so shocked. She had always talked to me about all her male crushes and concerns and it took me by surprise. It hasn’t changed my loving her and my husband and I have told her that we love her for who she is. The main difficulty I’m having is on how to treat the girlfriend situation. I have told her that since she is 16 we will treat her girlfriend the same as if she were a boyfriend. I’m not sure how to deal with the hanging out together all the time. Is it ok to set rules for dating as we would if she were dating a boy. She seems to use it against us by stating that we wouldn’t act the same with her straight girlfriends. That is true because she’s not having a relationship with them. How do you set guidelines for your gay teen wouldn’t they be the same no matter what the sex? I feel our communication is breaking down and she threatens to leave if we don’t let her do what she wants in her relationship. We accept her friend and have welcome her in our home but that doesn’t seem to be enough. I’m not sure how to get the relationship back that I had with her before.

]]> By: Dora http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-27840 Dora Tue, 12 Jul 2011 13:26:20 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-27840 I, too, have had my 15-year-old daughter change overnight into a total stranger. She used to be "boy-crazy" since 10 but it was all a lie. She did admit a girl was in love with her, but that was not the whole story. My daughter is also in love with the girl. She has become angry, belligerent, confused, tearful, and even violent. She blames me for being a bad mother because I am bipolar II and her father was homophobic (ever never really was). I am often bedridden with depression, but the time I have spent one on one with her, listening to her, talking, having fun, has been wonderful. Right now she hates me. The girl in question posts nasty notes to her Facebook and taunts her because she (my daughter is beautiful) and won't come out to everybody in school like she did. My daughter is terrified of losing her straight friends. She thinks this girl is beautiful, but I think she looks mean, angry, and sad. My daughter claims that the stereotypical "butch-dyke" looking lesbian disgusts her, but STILL claims she is gay. Her father has let her start dating boys a year early, and believe me, many have been waiting since 7th or 8th grade to ask her out. She says she just feels "nothing" for them, though she has many, many male friends. The hardest part for me is that I thought I was liberal, but am shocked to realize that I am deeply disappointed. No wedding dress, no son-in-law, maybe no naturally conceived grandchildren. My daughter says she doesn't even want to date in high school because she wants to concentrate on getting into a great college. We live in a VERY redneck place, so she says she may try to get into a college on the West or East coast where homosexuality is better tolerated. How can I get over my deep feelings of sadness. I know they are MY dreams, and it is her life, but I feel so heartbroken. I love her just as much, this has not changed, but I DO NOT love the angry changes in her personality. She hit me yesterday and hurt my shoulder after I tried to get past her to go the bathroom. She called me a "pathetic old sick woman" and kept screaming that she's always hated me. I'm so afraid she's losing it. I, too, have had my 15-year-old daughter change overnight into a total stranger. She used to be “boy-crazy” since 10 but it was all a lie. She did admit a girl was in love with her, but that was not the whole story. My daughter is also in love with the girl. She has become angry, belligerent, confused, tearful, and even violent. She blames me for being a bad mother because I am bipolar II and her father was homophobic (ever never really was). I am often bedridden with depression, but the time I have spent one on one with her, listening to her, talking, having fun, has been wonderful. Right now she hates me. The girl in question posts nasty notes to her Facebook and taunts her because she (my daughter is beautiful) and won’t come out to everybody in school like she did. My daughter is terrified of losing her straight friends. She thinks this girl is beautiful, but I think she looks mean, angry, and sad. My daughter claims that the stereotypical “butch-dyke” looking lesbian disgusts her, but STILL claims she is gay. Her father has let her start dating boys a year early, and believe me, many have been waiting since 7th or 8th grade to ask her out. She says she just feels “nothing” for them, though she has many, many male friends. The hardest part for me is that I thought I was liberal, but am shocked to realize that I am deeply disappointed. No wedding dress, no son-in-law, maybe no naturally conceived grandchildren. My daughter says she doesn’t even want to date in high school because she wants to concentrate on getting into a great college. We live in a VERY redneck place, so she says she may try to get into a college on the West or East coast where homosexuality is better tolerated. How can I get over my deep feelings of sadness. I know they are MY dreams, and it is her life, but I feel so heartbroken. I love her just as much, this has not changed, but I DO NOT love the angry changes in her personality. She hit me yesterday and hurt my shoulder after I tried to get past her to go the bathroom. She called me a “pathetic old sick woman” and kept screaming that she’s always hated me. I’m so afraid she’s losing it.

]]> By: sophie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-26651 sophie Sat, 02 Jul 2011 23:27:11 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-26651 Hi, I also have two sons who are gay. They are the love of my life as I am divorced and have no one else in my life. They are great guys, very successful, intelligent and I'm so proud of them. The only thing that is disturbing me is other people's attitudes. I am accepting of my children's sexuality, albeit disappointed I won't be a grandparent, but as long as I have their love, that really doesn't matter too much. What worries me is others. I have already encountered some flak from others and some nasty comments from an ex-partner, saying things that really hurt. I don't think my kids' being gay had anything to do with their upbringing but I can't be sure. I just tried to be a loving Mum to them, not smothering or spoiling - just 'normal'. Also, how do I broach the subject when going out with a new man. I need to know that they accept my sons right from the outset, but how do I do that. Is it best to just address it in the beginning. What are some thoughts on this? Hi,

I also have two sons who are gay. They are the love of my life as I am divorced and have no one else in my life. They are great guys, very successful, intelligent and I’m so proud of them. The only thing that is disturbing me is other people’s attitudes. I am accepting of my children’s sexuality, albeit disappointed I won’t be a grandparent, but as long as I have their love, that really doesn’t matter too much. What worries me is others. I have already encountered some flak from others and some nasty comments from an ex-partner, saying things that really hurt. I don’t think my kids’ being gay had anything to do with their upbringing but I can’t be sure. I just tried to be a loving Mum to them, not smothering or spoiling – just ‘normal’. Also, how do I broach the subject when going out with a new man. I need to know that they accept my sons right from the outset, but how do I do that. Is it best to just address it in the beginning. What are some thoughts on this?

]]> By: Deb http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-25477 Deb Fri, 17 Jun 2011 01:34:37 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-25477 My fifteen year old daughter came to me and said the same thing yesterday.I don't really know if I suspected it or not. We have just been fighting continuasly since due to the fact that her "friend" had been spending alot of nights here and now I prohibit it. I would never let a boy stay over why would I let a girl stay over? All I hear is I hate you, I am so confused and really need to rap my head around this. My fifteen year old daughter came to me and said the same thing yesterday.I don’t really know if I suspected it or not. We have just been fighting continuasly since due to the fact that her “friend” had been spending alot of nights here and now I prohibit it. I would never let a boy stay over why would I let a girl stay over? All I hear is I hate you, I am so confused and really need to rap my head around this.

]]> By: Sonny http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-24282 Sonny Wed, 01 Jun 2011 18:50:58 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-24282 My 15 year old daughter has told me she likes girls and she likes boys too. She wasnt forthcoming with the information, infact she lied to us about it at first. But we found a note in her pants when doing the laundry that was clear to us that she was having a relationship with a girl. She did confess to it after we showed her the note. She was very scared that we found out, I could see it in her eyes, and it broke my heart to see her that way, because I love her regardless. She told me that she was scared that we might look at her different, which I truly do not. I asked her when she knew she felt this way and she told me that it was earlier in the school year, which would of made her 14. She has been hanging around these girls since the beginning of the year and I can't help but feel there is some influence there, this seems to be a trend at the school and with a lot of teens these days. She did tell me that she is also attracted to boys as well. I have to wonder if she got the attention from a boy first in her high school life if we would be in this same situation. I told her to take the summer to try and resolve these feelings with herself that she owes herself that much without the influence of her peers. I don't know if I did the right thing, and yes this is definitely not what a parent wants for their children, it is a hard road to go down with all the scrutiny that is given to gay men and women. I told her I loved her and hugged her and that I will love her regardless of her choice, but deep down it is killing me. My 15 year old daughter has told me she likes girls and she likes boys too. She wasnt forthcoming with the information, infact she lied to us about it at first. But we found a note in her pants when doing the laundry that was clear to us that she was having a relationship with a girl. She did confess to it after we showed her the note. She was very scared that we found out, I could see it in her eyes, and it broke my heart to see her that way, because I love her regardless. She told me that she was scared that we might look at her different, which I truly do not. I asked her when she knew she felt this way and she told me that it was earlier in the school year, which would of made her 14. She has been hanging around these girls since the beginning of the year and I can’t help but feel there is some influence there, this seems to be a trend at the school and with a lot of teens these days. She did tell me that she is also attracted to boys as well. I have to wonder if she got the attention from a boy first in her high school life if we would be in this same situation. I told her to take the summer to try and resolve these feelings with herself that she owes herself that much without the influence of her peers. I don’t know if I did the right thing, and yes this is definitely not what a parent wants for their children, it is a hard road to go down with all the scrutiny that is given to gay men and women. I told her I loved her and hugged her and that I will love her regardless of her choice, but deep down it is killing me.

]]> By: Robin Aughtman http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-21423 Robin Aughtman Tue, 19 Apr 2011 06:56:50 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-21423 My 15 year old daughter told me today that shes in love with a girl from school and she thinks she is gay! It took alot of fussing and fighting and courage to tell me this. Ive been raised that its wrong to be gay and she has been raised the same. Im just so confused and shocked and heave no idea what to say or do. I have never been able to accept people being gay but Ive never been mean about either, to each his own I say. People might judge you and look down on you for being gay but the only one to worry about is God. An no matter what he loves you just the way I feel about my daughter, I love her and will always support her but Im so confused. And i know my family will not accept it at all and that scares me not that they dont accept it but that I dont want her to be hurt because sum people dont understand and are not open to it! Please tell me what to do!! thank you My 15 year old daughter told me today that shes in love with a girl from school and she thinks she is gay! It took alot of fussing and fighting and courage to tell me this. Ive been raised that its wrong to be gay and she has been raised the same. Im just so confused and shocked and heave no idea what to say or do. I have never been able to accept people being gay but Ive never been mean about either, to each his own I say. People might judge you and look down on you for being gay but the only one to worry about is God. An no matter what he loves you just the way I feel about my daughter, I love her and will always support her but Im so confused. And i know my family will not accept it at all and that scares me not that they dont accept it but that I dont want her to be hurt because sum people dont understand and are not open to it! Please tell me what to do!! thank you

]]> By: michelle http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-20910 michelle Mon, 11 Apr 2011 18:22:17 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-20910 Holly.. Your post made me cry, everything you said is so true <3 Holly..
Your post made me cry, everything you said is so true <3

]]> By: michelle http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-20908 michelle Mon, 11 Apr 2011 18:15:43 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-20908 Dear concerned Parent, I recently had the same discussion with my 17 year old daughter, although it went very differently from yours. Maybe thats because 2 years ago I had an even worse shock to deal with from my daughter that involved childhood abuse, from someone she should have trusted the most. My life was ripped apart from that. My daughters too. My daughter has been in counselling and coming to terms with that. So the day she cried and told me, mum I am gay, for some reason did not shock me or scare me, I held her in my arms and said You are who you are , you will always be my daughter. I just told her she is still the same person to me she has always been. I told her to always make sure that her partner shows her the love and respect I would expect her to get from anyone and for her to show them that too. All I want for my daughter is for her to lead a happy loving life and having someone who truly loves her to share that with. I do not possibly know what it feels like to be a Gay teen in the world, but what I do know is when I made the decision to have a child that also means I made the decision to support them no matter what or who they turned out to be. I was lucky enough to be given two wonderful caring children and would not change that. As far as my feelings I was concerned for her welfare when she came out, I want to protect her from nasty comments and people who don't understand how she can be gay. Her partner she is with now, her parents call my daughter a demon and call there own daughter a dyke, I tried to call them and speak to them they refuse to talk to me. My daughter is a sweetheart, so shy caring not to mention beautiful, and she truly loves her partner. We are both concerned for her partners welfare as she has all that to deal with at home. It breaks my heart that anyone has to suffer for been gay and when Parents seem to think its just a stage they are going through. Since I accepted my daughter with open arms we are so much closer and I too am trying to help her partner deal with the stress she has at home, I can only pray her parents learn to accept and help her, as now I think it is a form of abuse for her. I know for many Parents its a huge shock like someone said the dreams you had for them are not what you saw, but they are, they are just altered. We can not live our childrens life the way we live our own and expect them to be like us, everyone is an individual and has a right to live there life as they choose. In some of the earlier posts some people mentioned forgiving them, that comment hurt me. Forgive them, what for, for been who they feel inside. I don't think they choose one day oh Im gay, did you just decide one day I am straight, no its always in us, part of who we are. I do hope concerned parent, that will will talk again with your 15 year old daughter and even tell her how you felt, but please also let her know how much you love her no matter what her life choices are. I can not make every parent of a gay teen come to terms with it, it does hurt, its scary, maybe you feel embarrassed to tell people. Once they know people deal with things alot better than you give them credit for. It might not be an easy journey for the parent or the teenager, but remember no life is trouble free. I do hope no one is offended by anything I have said, It is just my opinion. I wish anyone who is gay or straight that they live a happy fulfilled life, I wish parents the courage to work through there own feelings and see beyond to a happier brighter future with there gay child. I came to realise my daughter has cried so many tears with me over the last 2 years, I am tired of crying, its time for her to be happy as that is what makes me happy. God bless all of you I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart, keep praying and hopefully the sun will shine brighter one day and your heart will feel joy once again. Stay Strong!! By giving your love and support you will all work through this. Dear concerned Parent,

I recently had the same discussion with my 17 year old daughter, although it went very differently from yours. Maybe thats because 2 years ago I had an even worse shock to deal with from my daughter that involved childhood abuse, from someone she should have trusted the most. My life was ripped apart from that. My daughters too. My daughter has been in counselling and coming to terms with that.

So the day she cried and told me, mum I am gay, for some reason did not shock me or scare me, I held her in my arms and said You are who you are , you will always be my daughter. I just told her she is still the same person to me she has always been. I told her to always make sure that her partner shows her the love and respect I would expect her to get from anyone and for her to show them that too.

All I want for my daughter is for her to lead a happy loving life and having someone who truly loves her to share that with.
I do not possibly know what it feels like to be a Gay teen in the world, but what I do know is when I made the decision to have a child that also means I made the decision to support them no matter what or who they turned out to be. I was lucky enough to be given two wonderful caring children and would not change that.
As far as my feelings I was concerned for her welfare when she came out, I want to protect her from nasty comments and people who don’t understand how she can be gay.
Her partner she is with now, her parents call my daughter a demon and call there own daughter a dyke, I tried to call them and speak to them they refuse to talk to me. My daughter is a sweetheart, so shy caring not to mention beautiful, and she truly loves her partner. We are both concerned for her partners welfare as she has all that to deal with at home.
It breaks my heart that anyone has to suffer for been gay and when Parents seem to think its just a stage they are going through.
Since I accepted my daughter with open arms we are so much closer and I too am trying to help her partner deal with the stress she has at home, I can only pray her parents learn to accept and help her, as now I think it is a form of abuse for her.
I know for many Parents its a huge shock like someone said the dreams you had for them are not what you saw, but they are, they are just altered. We can not live our childrens life the way we live our own and expect them to be like us, everyone is an individual and has a right to live there life as they choose.
In some of the earlier posts some people mentioned forgiving them, that comment hurt me. Forgive them, what for, for been who they feel inside. I don’t think they choose one day oh Im gay, did you just decide one day I am straight, no its always in us, part of who we are.
I do hope concerned parent, that will will talk again with your 15 year old daughter and even tell her how you felt, but please also let her know how much you love her no matter what her life choices are. I can not make every parent of a gay teen come to terms with it, it does hurt, its scary, maybe you feel embarrassed to tell people. Once they know people deal with things alot better than you give them credit for. It might not be an easy journey for the parent or the teenager, but remember no life is trouble free.
I do hope no one is offended by anything I have said, It is just my opinion.
I wish anyone who is gay or straight that they live a happy fulfilled life, I wish parents the courage to work through there own feelings and see beyond to a happier brighter future with there gay child.
I came to realise my daughter has cried so many tears with me over the last 2 years, I am tired of crying, its time for her to be happy as that is what makes me happy.
God bless all of you I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart, keep praying and hopefully the sun will shine brighter one day and your heart will feel joy once again.
Stay Strong!! By giving your love and support you will all work through this.

]]>