Comments on: Worried For 15 Year Old Gay Daughter http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter Help For Parents Of Gay Children Sat, 17 Jul 2010 12:22:22 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: shirley http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-7189 shirley Sat, 26 Jun 2010 00:05:41 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-7189 you must be gay, and not a parent... for you will never understand the heartache of a parent, when a child tell you that they are gay.. all the hopes and dreams gone in two words.. heartbroken, never to be repaired.. Love them YES, ever ever, understand, or forgive, or get over, NO!!!!!!!! you must be gay, and not a parent… for you will never understand the heartache of a parent, when a child tell you that they are gay.. all the hopes and dreams gone in two words.. heartbroken, never to be repaired.. Love them YES, ever ever, understand, or forgive, or get over, NO!!!!!!!!

]]> By: Holly http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-4989 Holly Tue, 26 Jan 2010 01:09:27 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-4989 Dear Concerned Parent, You did the typical comment that a lot of us get when we come out to our parents. You ignored what she was trying to tell you. You did not discuss what this ment with her, you told her to basically ignor everything she feels about herself and the world and to put her big girl panties on and move on. What you really need to do is sit down with your daughter and TALK with her. Ask her...when did she know, how does she know. You can be honest with her and tell her that you are afraid of the backlash she might get, that the world is not very accepting and that you are afraid for her. Give her a chance to tell you about herself. She is trying to include you in her life and right now by your actions and words, weather you ment it or not, you are pushing her away from you. You may not understand, you might not agree, but you need to keep the lines of communication open with respect, honesty and love. tell her that you love her if you do...but then dont tell her that you dont love her by trying to push her back in the closet. Be honored that she was honest with you and shared something very personal with you. Be honored that she told you face to face. She is no different than the child you raised. she is the same person. just does not like men for sex partners. there is so much more to your daughter than her sex life. encourger her, love her, and make sure you show it with her actions, and have the balls to stand up as an adult and discuss things with her that you dont understand, and let her teach you. Dear Concerned Parent,
You did the typical comment that a lot of us get when we come out to our parents. You ignored what she was trying to tell you. You did not discuss what this ment with her, you told her to basically ignor everything she feels about herself and the world and to put her big girl panties on and move on. What you really need to do is sit down with your daughter and TALK with her. Ask her…when did she know, how does she know. You can be honest with her and tell her that you are afraid of the backlash she might get, that the world is not very accepting and that you are afraid for her. Give her a chance to tell you about herself. She is trying to include you in her life and right now by your actions and words, weather you ment it or not, you are pushing her away from you. You may not understand, you might not agree, but you need to keep the lines of communication open with respect, honesty and love. tell her that you love her if you do…but then dont tell her that you dont love her by trying to push her back in the closet. Be honored that she was honest with you and shared something very personal with you. Be honored that she told you face to face. She is no different than the child you raised. she is the same person. just does not like men for sex partners. there is so much more to your daughter than her sex life. encourger her, love her, and make sure you show it with her actions, and have the balls to stand up as an adult and discuss things with her that you dont understand, and let her teach you.

]]> By: simpleman http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-3656 simpleman Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:25:46 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-3656 I just HAD to add that I went & talked w/a phychiatrist who specializes in adolescents & teens, and apparantly 14-17 year old boys are 'pan-sexual' , a phrase I still am un-familiar with. I was told by the dr. to 'chill out' and to tell my son not to make any harsh decisions so early in life, that he doesn't know about sexuality yet. Someone has to make these teens think its cool or OK to be 'bi-sexual'.Alot of it is in todays music & media. All I can do is pray. I just HAD to add that I went & talked w/a phychiatrist who specializes in adolescents & teens, and apparantly 14-17 year old boys are ‘pan-sexual’ , a phrase I still am un-familiar with. I was told by the dr. to ‘chill out’ and to tell my son not to make any harsh decisions so early in life, that he doesn’t know about sexuality yet. Someone has to make these teens think its cool or OK to be ‘bi-sexual’.Alot of it is in todays music & media.
All I can do is pray.

]]> By: simpleman http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-3655 simpleman Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:18:29 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-3655 My 15-year old son sent an older boy(19)some texts which I slipped up and happened to see, as well as my son's email account was open, and being a parent took over all other senses, So I read his emails from a 19-year old .I read in graphic detail gay sex acts he has been involved in..some while his 'girlfriend' watched, & encouraged it. I had suspected it, and he told me 3 years ago, when he was 11 or 12, that he thought he was bisexual. I told him' son, you're 12, you don't know WHAT you are sexually yet'. Coming from a southern baptist family, and my Dad is the pastor..that's all I was taught. We as a family are very homophobic. My Dad preaches against it every day. So, this was a slap in the face when he wrote me a letter, and stuck it in my father's day card that basically told me he loved me, it was not MY fault, but he is bi-sexual. It floored me. I still can't think about it without crying. I am a single Father, I've had custody of him for 12 years.He's seen me go through 4 or 5 different girlfriends that lived w/us..some violent...and one wife who stole everything we had, left town & cheated on me. I was adopted as a child, and being raised by a preacher, or even a very religious family is VERY different than a non-christian family & upbringing. Even IF homosexuality came up in a conversation, we'd say 'well, that will sure send them to hell' or 'glad he doesn't live next to me' or 'he seems a little funny'... I've taken him camping overnight in the mountains of Tenn. & NC dozens & dozens of times, and I KNEW he was straight. He would tell me which girls were pretty..loves BOY things.. I just really stressed the rule that he NOT hang out w/the troublemakers, which he complied, but most of his friends were girls. He said all the boys were trouble makers. He goes to a small high-school. He is very intelligent. He has won many, many academic awards, and he's on the school's beta club and student gov't. He is a good-looking young man, and w/encouragement from friends, his mother,he put some pictures (clothed) of himself on some websites that hire models for Abercrombie & Fitch, and Hollister, as well as several others. I encouraged this move indirectly by saying 'that's cool' or 'go for it'..so he put these pictures up, and somehow meets this 19-year old at a shopping mall close to our house, without me even knowing-he went into a store-he said'dad, can i go in american eagle outfitters?' and I said yes, and that is where the man is a manager there, and several hundred texts and emails had been sent. This was by far the worst father's day ever. His mother and I dont get along, and it's only out of the kindness of my heart that she even sees our son. She is very weird, and i wish everyday that my son had been raised by another loving, nurturing mom who would be there every night, because that's what I had, and that's what everybody else had, too..unless their parents got divorced..etc. So.. This completely floored me. He left for a month-long trip out of state the next weekend, so I never got a chance to talk to him before he left. He's been avoiding me as much as possible since his return. I don't believe people are born 'gay'. I think that music, videos, lyrics, movies,etc. influences these kids, and it's wrong. My 15-year old son sent an older boy(19)some texts which I slipped up and happened to see, as well as my son’s email account was open, and being a parent took over all other senses, So I read his emails from a 19-year old .I read in graphic detail gay sex acts he has been involved in..some while his ‘girlfriend’ watched, & encouraged it. I had suspected it, and he told me 3 years ago, when he was 11 or 12, that he thought he was bisexual. I told him’ son, you’re 12, you don’t know WHAT you are sexually yet’. Coming from a southern baptist family, and my Dad is the pastor..that’s all I was taught. We as a family are very homophobic. My Dad preaches against it every day. So, this was a slap in the face when he wrote me a letter, and stuck it in my father’s day card that basically told me he loved me, it was not MY fault, but he is bi-sexual. It floored me. I still can’t think about it without crying. I am a single Father, I’ve had custody of him for 12 years.He’s seen me go through 4 or 5 different girlfriends that lived w/us..some violent…and one wife who stole everything we had, left town & cheated on me.
I was adopted as a child, and being raised by a preacher, or even a very religious family is VERY different than a non-christian family & upbringing. Even IF homosexuality came up in a conversation, we’d say ‘well, that will sure send them to hell’ or ‘glad he doesn’t live next to me’ or ‘he seems a little funny’…
I’ve taken him camping overnight in the mountains of Tenn. & NC dozens & dozens of times, and I KNEW he was straight. He would tell me which girls were pretty..loves BOY things..
I just really stressed the rule that he NOT hang out w/the troublemakers, which he complied, but most of his friends were girls. He said all the boys were trouble makers. He goes to a small high-school.
He is very intelligent. He has won many, many academic awards, and he’s on the school’s beta club and student gov’t. He is a good-looking young man, and w/encouragement from friends, his mother,he put some pictures (clothed) of himself on some websites that hire models for Abercrombie & Fitch, and Hollister, as well as several others. I encouraged this move indirectly by saying ‘that’s cool’ or ‘go for it’..so he put these pictures up, and somehow meets this 19-year old at a shopping mall close to our house, without me even knowing-he went into a store-he said’dad, can i go in american eagle outfitters?’ and I said yes, and that is where the man is a manager there, and several hundred texts and emails had been sent.
This was by far the worst father’s day ever. His mother and I dont get along, and it’s only out of the kindness of my heart that she even sees our son. She is very weird, and i wish everyday that my son had been raised by another loving, nurturing mom who would be there every night, because that’s what I had, and that’s what everybody else had, too..unless their parents got divorced..etc.
So..
This completely floored me. He left for a month-long trip out of state the next weekend, so I never got a chance to talk to him before he left. He’s been avoiding me as much as possible since his return. I don’t believe people are born ‘gay’. I think that music, videos, lyrics, movies,etc. influences these kids, and it’s wrong.

]]> By: Janet http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-3546 Janet Sun, 28 Jun 2009 06:55:05 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-3546 Dear Parent, I was in your exact place 4 years ago. My daughter was 17. If I could only go back and redo the night she came out to me. I was so shocked that I was speechless. I did tell her I loved her, but I know she felt my profound sadness over those next few days, which reinforced her feeling that she was not ok. She left for college a couple months later and although over the years I've tried to support her and be close to her, I feel a distance between us that I just cannot close. It breaks my heart since I love her so much and would do anything for her. I wish at the moment she told me, I just hugged her and held her as tight as I could and told her I would never want her to be anything other than herself. I hope you are able to do this with your daughter and really mean it. This is who she is. I know it is difficult for you now, but over time you will come to terms with it. She needs to know that she is ok deep down and that you are not wishing or trying to change her into something you want and that she is not. If you can have the strength to do this and let her be open with you, she will be much stronger, happier and healthier. I'm sure that is what you want for her. Dear Parent,

I was in your exact place 4 years ago. My daughter was 17. If I could only go back and redo the night she came out to me. I was so shocked that I was speechless. I did tell her I loved her, but I know she felt my profound sadness over those next few days, which reinforced her feeling that she was not ok. She left for college a couple months later and although over the years I’ve tried to support her and be close to her, I feel a distance between us that I just cannot close. It breaks my heart since I love her so much and would do anything for her. I wish at the moment she told me, I just hugged her and held her as tight as I could and told her I would never want her to be anything other than herself. I hope you are able to do this with your daughter and really mean it. This is who she is. I know it is difficult for you now, but over time you will come to terms with it. She needs to know that she is ok deep down and that you are not wishing or trying to change her into something you want and that she is not. If you can have the strength to do this and let her be open with you, she will be much stronger, happier and healthier. I’m sure that is what you want for her.

]]> By: Trish http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/worried-for-15-year-old-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-3403 Trish Sun, 17 May 2009 20:50:25 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=31#comment-3403 Dear concerned parent, I read your post and want to tell you I have been there. I think it's awesome that your daughter came to you so openly to express how she felt. Having her concentrate on studies is understandable but by her coming to you should have been an opening for you to discuss all of her feelings and to keep it open, if she knows your supportive the studies will come. My son came to me at 17 but I have always known in my heart since he was around the age of 5. His twin brother was straight so that made some hurdles when they were in school together but we got through it. Now on the whole family accepting was easy I told my son he was my life and those in our family who could not accept did not have to be a part of it. My children our my world and that is all that matters. In regards to suicide I honestly feel you both should have family counseling together to help work through both your concerns. She needs you to be the rock at this point until she is strong enough to handle and beat the world on her own...I assure you this can be done. I hope everything works out for you both. Dear concerned parent,

I read your post and want to tell you I have been there. I think it’s awesome that your daughter came to you so openly to express how she felt. Having her concentrate on studies is understandable but by her coming to you should have been an opening for you to discuss all of her feelings and to keep it open, if she knows your supportive the studies will come. My son came to me at 17 but I have always known in my heart since he was around the age of 5. His twin brother was straight so that made some hurdles when they were in school together but we got through it. Now on the whole family accepting was easy I told my son he was my life and those in our family who could not accept did not have to be a part of it. My children our my world and that is all that matters. In regards to suicide I honestly feel you both should have family counseling together to help work through both your concerns. She needs you to be the rock at this point until she is strong enough to handle and beat the world on her own…I assure you this can be done. I hope everything works out for you both.

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