Will Mother Ever Treat Lesbian Daughter With Respect?
Hello,
My name is Jillian and I am 17 soon to be 18 on December 17th. When i was 9 or 10 I used to put pictures on my bulliten board of celebrity women, for some reason I had an attraction to them. Well when i was 16 I met this girl named Misty in my biology class, we talked for a little bit, and one day the teacher teamed us up for a DNA project. I invited her to my house to work on it. At that moment I knew I liked her, So from that point on we have been dating for the last 19 months now.
Once my mom found out a week after we started dating she called me every name in the book relating to being gay, she called me a Queer and that really offended me. Ever since then my mom reminds me every single day not missing one day at all, how much she really hates “us gay people”. I dont know when my mom will ever except me, but I really am getting tired of her always putting me down and making me cry. She screams at me, and I just dont know what to do, because I just can’t stick up for myself at all. She is afraid to tell all of my other family members afraid of what they would think of “her”. It is always about my mom.
So basically I have to live 2 lives. One to where I have to be “straight” around all my other family members, then the other to where i can just be myself, but I can never do anything right in my moms eyes, she is ashamed of me and “my choices”. she thinks being gay is a choice.
Please help me. Please.
Jillian
September 13th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
hi jillian. what a coincidence i am someone of ur age as well and i guess right now when we are at this age, it is pretty difficult fot our parents to accept the fact that we are gay but i guess in anyways, u could make the best out of the situation with your mom yes? maybe you might just be the one who would eventually change her opinions about us gay pple.
PS. one advice, do not be too aggressive when approaching the topic of sexual orientation. take it slow alrights?
BEST OF LUCK!
October 17th, 2007 at 2:40 am
I am not gay but my son may be I am having a hard time getting him to talk about it to me. He shows all the signs and even hangs out with alot of gay boys who are not afraid to tell you they are gay. My biggest fear is him doing something and me finding out the hard way. The only fear I have for my son is high school kids can be really cool and he is not exactly the quit type. So far he has not said that he is but I have been in many fights because of people and their nasty remarks so please write back.
October 23rd, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Jillian, I know exactly how you feel. I am only fifteen myself, but I’ve liked girls for years now and it’s almost killed me trying to come to terms with it. You want to know what happened to me? I had been best friends with this girl, Colette, for almost three years, and been in love with her for two. A few months ago during one of our few-and-far-between-sleepovers (I live in New York, she lives in Conneticut) I worked up the courage to tell her how I feel. To my joy, she smiled and kissed me. At that moment, it was as if everything in the world made sense. I was used to telling my mom everything, and even though I was afraid of how she would react, I was sure she’d accept me. I decided to do it bit by bit, gently, you know? so I started dropping her hints. That was where it all started going wrong. It turned into a fight; my mom was crying and screaming at me, all these horrible things. Then it all came spilling out about Colette. I am never allowed to see her again- not only because we’re in love, but for the fact that she’s bipolar as well. It was an “unhealthy” relationship, a “bad impulse”. I’ll have anyone who is reading this know- just because someone has a learning disability doesn’t mean that they’re crazy, nor does it mean they have “no bearing on reality”, like my mother thinks. She of all people ought to know; I have one myself. She was awful supportive of my NLD, but not of my sexuality. However, that isn’t really the point here. I feel like I’m in Hell. I have a fight with my mother almost every night now and the worst part is knowing that she just isn’t getting it. Knowing that she’s being this way because she loves me and is scared for me. So Jillian, I know exactly how you feel. Personally I think the best thing we can do is just muddle through all this until we’re out of school and free to be who we really are without anger, fear, despair, or self-hatred. I hope I didn’t ramble about myself too much. But by the by, is there anyone out there who could lend me a few words of comfort? Could really use them- I have no one who I can really talk to since Colette was exiled, as it were.
Have strength.
Robin
May 18th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
To Jillian and Robin, an old phrase we used to use in the early ’70s though it seems impossible at times is, hang in there. Living under her roof is not permenant so you will be able to be who you are. Your moms feelings may or may not end up being permenant, but living in her house will eventually end. Please don’t consider taking a permenant solution to a temporary problem in current living situation.
Keep an eye towards the future.
June 29th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Oh Jillian and Robin! I feel so sorry for you!
I’m lesbian too, but haven’t come out to my family yet. I’m feeling pretty optimistic; my parents aren’t overly religious or anything, and I get along very well with my mother.
But you’re making me anxious… Oh, I don’t know what I’d do if they were all against it!
July 1st, 2008 at 8:51 am
Hi Jillian, I am a 17 year old girl and am lesbian and i have a girlfriend, chloe. we have been together for a year and a half now and my parents love her, they accept her as my girlfriend and my parents accept me and thats great but her mum doesn’t accept her for who she is and has a hard time accepting the fact that im her girlfriend. Its really hard and upsetting for me and my girlfriend due to we have to basically act as friends around her mums friends. It is a hard situation for parents i will have to admit that but what they need to realise that we are just like them, no different.
what you need to do is take it slow, dont push and show her that you are happy. she may never accept it, but the main thing is to be happy with who you are and who you are with. never let your parents get you down, always stay strong. they will come around! =]
it sucks but you will get through it, everyone does.
Thanks
=]
Nikki and Chloe