Just think….what is more important? Your child’s happiness, having them in your life? Or that you cant accept it and you worry too much about what others think about YOU.

To those who are sickened etc….GROW UP. The world is changing and I for one believe God knows and accepts this.

My daughter was a wild child too. Boys, alcohol, some drugs. At the sametime she could be sunny, loving and smart. I could see she had a void in her self esteem and was emotionally needy — but I thought all young people struggle. Through high school and her college years she dated boys — even lived with one boyfriend.

Then about three years ago she started hanging out with an attractive but clearly lesbian girl. Then another. And another.

We welcomed each girl into our lives with some mixed feelings. We really like young people and are generally accepting — but some of these girls were really troubled: family problems, drinking problems, anger problems.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish she’d “straighten out” but I would be pleased if she would just find a mature, responsible supportive girl and settle down. A nice girlfriend seems as difficult to find as a nice boyfriend. Relationships can be hard with anyone.

I wonder if sexual preference is black and white – gay or straight — or is it a continum? Did she have terrible sex with boys for years (as Ra describes)? One bad experience? Did she always know or did she decide?

My daughter is often the stable partner in her relationships. My husband and I get to see a lot more of the sunny, loving, intellegent side of her now-a-days. I don’t know how much is due to growing maturity on her side or growing acceptance on our side.

In our situation the initial disbelief had a lot to do with my daughter’s history and then how she “came out”. First, she has always been a challenge, a beautiful little athletic girl who often sought negative attention. And it was not due to a lack of love and support. She seemed to almost thrive on drama and making up outrageous stories; pushing us out of our comfort zone. We’d laugh them off as an overactive imagination. It went on for years beyond what I thought was the norm. I did have other kids and this was different.

She was very easily impressed by others and changed her persona, interests and attire from week to week or month to month depending on her most recent influence. She never seemed to be herself but the by-product of the latest person who impressed her, whether male or female. Not that this is entirely odd for a child or adolescent to “try things on” but it always seemed excessive and beyond the norm to me. She had some trouble with maintaining long term friendships with girls her age. Lots of drama and friction, floating in and out of social cliques. And it continues to this day. Again maybe that was because she was sending out a vibe and other girls felt uncomfortable. ???

I found lots of writings of hers as a child, adolescent and young teen. Letters she wrote to herself pretending to be someone else, routinely. Typically the made up notes were from older girls who were babysitters, or older neighbor girls whom she admired which is not strange at a young age. But the notes continued for years and made me uncomfortable when I stumbled upon them. Maybe that was the earliest sign that something was stirring inside that she didn’t understand. To me it was just “odd”.

She always had a healthy relationship with boys and was more easily accepted by them because she was a bit of a jock and tomboy. And she used to tell me about the secret crushes she had on the boy next door who was also her best friend. When she turned 12 the first “boyfriend” appeared. And a series of others followed. And she was always “giddy” about them, falling hard and fast which also concerned me.

At about 15, she formed a new friendship. This was a cheerleader, dancer, girly girl.. It became this instant, constant friendship. The other mom and I developed a forced but amicable relationship through the drop offs and pick ups. A few flags were flying but I was obviously in denial. After a few months, my family began to notice the relationship was unhealthy and it was making us uncomfortable. The emotions were running high between the girls, fights, crying, screaming on the phone. I finally had to confront the “girl crush”. I was very gentle and made it safe for her to express her feelings by telling her it was okay and even “normal” to have girl crushes. I wasn’t going to assume anything more than that for the time being, but her dad and I did want to make sure she was not getting in over her head. If these feelings were occurring then the sleepovers would have to stop. The other mom and I talked and then together we sat down with the girls. Again we did not deny them a friendship, just put some boundaries on it and told them to keep it appropriate and not to flaunt it at school. We were very supportive and tried not to shame anyone. They were only 15. I told my daughter that she might indeed be gay or simply confused (and she seemed to be telling me she was confused). But my bottom line was to just get her through high school comfortably without taunting and being bullied. I told her we’d accept it and deal with it but she had to use some good sense. Soon after, my daughter told me they agreed to just be friends and that the “thing had passed”.

So as we all supported these girls, I felt pretty good about how it had been handled. I suspected it had run its course and we’d figure it out later….until the call came from school. The principal had to call them in for a chat. The girls were showing PDA, hugging and kissing in the halls….inappropriate conduct for any high school couple, PERIOD. Parents were calling in to complain and asking something be done. I was horrified. She had not only lied to us, but made a mess of the situation by once again drawing negative attention to herself. And she almost seemed pleased or justified. To me it was just foolish and “in your face”. Her father and I were angry, embarrassed and hurt….and even a bit puzzled by why she was making things so difficult on herself. To be honest, I’d be embarrassed had she been called to the office for PDA with a boy. It’s just unnecessary in the school. But to have drawn such negative attention to this was painful to me.

Then she began to date what we thought was a great guy from a wealthy family. I caught on to him pretty fast. Doting and smart, gifts galore….and a big phoney. He was into drinking and drugs and there was a seedy undercurrent that started with the father and an inappropriate relationship with a teenager and worked its way down through the family. That relationship ran its course after a few months but not without another loud bang. The first week of her senior year, she left home for a week to move in with him after she turned 18. She moved back home after things resolved and they broke up. A few weeks later she ran off with a very butch and manipulating lesbian who was 22 who was taking her to gay bars…my daughter was a senior in high school. This woman has a reputation for preying on young girls and seems to get off on manipulating girls sexually. She’s a predator for sure and tells people she “likes to turn them when they are young” After she dumped my daughter (3 weeks later), she hit on one of my daughter’s straight friends who had a boyfriend. That girl then took off with her…and it has happened a few more times. You can tell me that these girls are naturally bi or curious, but I think with all the stuff that these kids are exposed to, there is a question of whether some girls are truly gay or it is is a fad, or some rite of passage….and they are vulnerable to suggestion.

My daughter then had a series of seedy relationships which she flaunted in our face. When she finally brought a nice girl around we tried to be supportive, but they always pushed our boundaries. Most recently she has been with a nice, very bright girl who is leaving for college next week. She also pushes our boundaries and don’t knock me for saying this: but I think these girls feel they must defend themselves and that they are not respected. But you don’t gain respect by being obnoxious and screaming “ACCEPT ME or go to hell!!” I’m happy she has been seeing someone who is smart, articulate and caring. I suspect it will run its course but I am hopeful that being with this girl has made her see something better in herself. Most of the things that have gone awry with this and our acceptance is how our daughter handled things…and how she still handles thing. She is getting more mature and more respectful of our comfort level. She never seemed to understand that by shoving something in someone’s face or creating a negative flurry of attention is not the way to gain support and acceptance.

So sometimes it’s not just that a parent is not supportive. Those parents like me may be struggling with the process and how it came about. In my case it was a lifetime of being unsettled by my daughter’s actions and drama. I had to determine if this was just another phase or some kind of outside manipulation. Even the best of parents with the most open of minds can be overwhelmed by this news and may have reacted poorly if they had been in my circumstances. It’s a death of sorts and there may be a mourning period required. So the child who comes out also should do so with respect of the parents who loved and raised them. And if the parents ask for some courtesies and boundaries while they deal with the process, the child owes that as well. It doesn’t mean the child has to deny or hide….it just means they should give back to the parents what they expect….RESPECT.

I grew up in a very small town. I did not know even one gay person, and it was totally unacceptable at school or around town. No “peer pressure” to be gay there, for certain. We did not have cable and the only shows I saw as a kid were family shows: saved by the bell, family matters, full house, whos the boss.

Around 14 I developed a crush on my straight best friend, although I did not know it was a crush, I just thought I loved her a lot. I wanted to hold her hand and hug her all the time. Then when I realized that I wanted to kiss her I knew it was weird so I agreed to date my best guy friend in order to set things straight in my head. I did even know that gay existed at the time, I just thought I was a little obssesed.

a year of awkard moments with the bf passed (kisses less interesting than math class) and more crushes on straight girls (obssesions I thought). I was extremely close to my mom and so I took her word for it when she told me that they were just obessions and a normal phase. At 15i was head over heals for a teacher, and she told me that was normal, and just meant that we needed to spend more time together, but this time knew something else was wrong.
The realization started happening when I found myself getting aroused by my thoughts of girls. I hated myself for this, felt so digusted and dirty… Told noone. I even tried to fix it by forcing myself to think of a guy every time I had an orgasm, even though the thought of guys couldnt bring me to one. At this point I knew I was gay (people at school were calling me that, realized it before I did) and I felt terribly alone, and different. I fit in nowhere, not at school, not at church, and eventually not at home after I started gently testing the waters.
When I asked my mom about gay people she told me it was disgusting and that they were going to hell. I dropped it. I started having nightmares of hell. I wanted to die. Instead of suicide, I found a library and looked up a support group for gay people. I literrally had noone to talk to. I tried with a school counselor who I suspected might be gay. It was the first time the words came out of my mouth and I was literally shaking like a leaf, terrified, saying them. Unfortunately, due to the small town climate, and her career, she offered nothing like what I needed to hear”you are not alone, its ok,” or even a hug. I can only imagine how she felt now. All she told me was to research support groups and that I did.

Since I Lived in such a small town and had noone to help, I actually walked 8 miles to the nearest bus station to catch a 45 minute busride downtown to the local teen gay and lesbian support group. it was the first time I ever lied to my mom about where I was going. Even there I was scared, and amazed and-finally, relieved, I wasnt alone or a freak lr evil. I saw many other kids with similar stories, some now homeless, some now drug addicts after being kicked out of their families.
I kept attending the meetings in secret, trying to feel loved and accepted again. The meetings wete the only brigjt spot of my miserable week of being picked on,outcast and shunned by my family friends and church. I eventaully started dating a drug using older girl. I was so desperate to feel loved I ignored all of her bad qualities. I stated doing drugs with her and staying out late. My grades started slipping, my mom thought I was working too much (i had 2 jobs) and made me quit. Now I had no excuse to leave the house, so she found ou about the gf when she picked me up at home (small town, nowhere to meet)
When I came home I found my things in trasbags outside in the snow and the door locked for the very first time in eleven years, since we moved there.

I begged to stay with the gf but her parents wouldnt allow it. I became homeless, staying with whoever would take me in for the night, sometimes the only people who would were crack heads and prostitutes. I started drinking a lot, out of pure misery and lonlieness. The gf broke up with me when the paychecks stopped. One night while staying with strangers one of them raped me and fighting back landed me in the hospital.
That was the first time I saw my mom in a month and she wouldnt even say one word to me.
After that she let me stay at home just long enough to find a place to live. I rented a room with a decent friend in the same situation and stopped drinking and got a job again. I decided to choose to be straight and started dating and sleeping with my boyfriends but it just felt so wrong. Having sex, even kissing someone you arent attracted to feels disgusting, and abusive to youself. If you dont believe me imagine yourself making out with someone of the same gender. It doesnt feel natural, no matter what you call it, you cant force youself to feel it. Trust me, I tried very hard to do this. I prayed to God every day to make me straight and end the nightmare. I saw nothing positve about being gay and wouldve given my left arm to change my feelings. Guys said that I just hadnt found the right guy so I slept with a lot of them, praying it would work just once, hating myself for what I was doing.
I am lucky to be alive today. Not to have killed myself,like 1of4 gay teens attempt, not to have gotten diseases, or got killed or addicted to drugs. I feel like it was the grace of God alone that got me through those horrible years. Thank God, He is there for you even when noone ele in the world is,even when you arent sure he exists. I gave up on God when I was told by family and church I was going to hell, and it nearly destroyed me. it took a few years, but I reconciled my faith through the grace I found in the lutheran church, and it has saved my life to know that I am still saved, still loved, and still part of a community, not a freakish deviant deserving of scorn and hell.

I just wanted parents to know what can happen, that it is not a choice ( I would still give anything to be straight), and I want gay kids like myself to know that they are not alone, or bad, something I was so very desperate to hear at the time.

That was 10years ago. After a lot of church, school, and counselling those days are fare behind, although it still made me cry to type them. I have a great relationship with my mom again (love always wins), a degree, a beautiful home supportive friends,and dont do any drugs and rarely drink. I sometimes feel lonely, as it is difficult to find a match in faith, and without substance abuse, mental health issues in the lesbian community, but for the most part I am finally happy again.
Thanks for reading my story.

I grew up in a very small town. I did not know even one gay person, and it was totally unacceptable at school or around town. No “peer pressure” to be gay there, for certain. We did not have cable and the only shows I saw as a kid were family shows: saved by the bell, family matters, full house, whos the boss.

Around 14 I developed a crush on my straight best friend, although I did not know it was a crush, I just thought I loved her a lot. I wanted to hold her hand and hug her all the time. Then when I realized that I wanted to kiss her I knew it was weird so I agreed to date my best guy friend in order to set things straight in my head. I did even know that gay existed at the time, I just thought I was a little obssesed.

a year of awkard moments with the bf passed (kisses less interesting than math class) and more crushes on straight girls (obssesions I thought). I was extremely close to my mom and so I took her word for it when she told me that they were just obessions and a normal phase. At 15i was head over heals for a teacher, and she told me that was normal, and just meant that we needed to spend more time together, but this time knew something else was wrong.
The realization started happening when I found myself getting aroused by my thoughts of girls. I hated myself for this, felt so digusted and dirty… Told noone. I even tried to fix it by forcing myself to think of a guy every time I had an orgasm, even though the thought of guys couldnt bring me to one. At this point I knew I was gay (people at school were calling me that, realized it before I did) and I felt terribly alone, and different. I fit in nowhere, not at school, not at church, and eventually not at home after I started gently testing the waters.
When I asked my mom about gay people she told me it was disgusting and that they were going to hell. I dropped it. I started having nightmares of hell. I wanted to die. Instead of suicide, I found a library and looked up a support group for gay people. I literrally had noone to talk to. I tried with a school counselor who I suspected might be gay. It was the first time the words came out of my mouth and I was literally shaking like a leaf, terrified, saying them. Unfortunately, due to the small town climate, and her career, she offered nothing like what I needed to hear”you are not alone, its ok,” or even a hug. I can only imagine how she felt now. All she told me was to research support groups and that I did.

Since I