I am a gay man, 27.
I am from a religious family and grew up knowing was attracted to men.
I did everything i could to hide and deny it.
I was always dating girls.
I was in a 1 year relationship with a beautiful girl, and my perfect family were all smiles and hugs and support.
At 24 I could not take it anymore.
I felt suffocated, I felt like nobody really knew who i was, I was angry at my family for not noticing how I was feeling.

eventually I came out to my parents.
We don’t live in the same city and they were visiting.
They couldnt look me in the eyes.
They left town that night without saying goodbye.
They told all four of my siblings I was gay and ruining my life etc..
no one spoke to me for 6 months.
not one member of my family.

I felt really bad for destroying our family unit, for not trying hard enough to be straight, for hurting my mother and father, for exposing them to this.
afer 6 months I had come to a realization that there is no changing this and my options are to embrace it and find happiness with a male partner and not a female one.
I also realized that My family have a huge challenge to overcome.
my parents came to see me again after 6 months to convince me to change my ways.

When they saw how ‘normal’ i was, and how my life hasnt changed, i think it comforted them a lot.
To some up an intense trip they told me that they can never accept it, and never want to meet my boyfriend ( a man I love and plan on building a life with). However, they love me and want a relationship with me.
I was so hurt and angry at them for the 6 months they put me through but of course was very happy.
My siblings continued to want nothing to do with me.

Now, a year after I came out to my parents, they came with some of my siblings to visit me.
My siblings said hello but nothing else to me the whole trip.
It was laughable.
My parents try to make an effort but out relationship isnt as close as it was.
They dont ask me anything about my personal life. if i introduced them t a friend they immediately assumed they were gay and didnt know how to interact with them.
They never met my boyfriend.

At the end of the trip My brothers sat me told down and told me as long as I was ‘this way’ they will never want to include me in their lives.

and thats how the left.

I told my mother what they said, and she said she is so sad that our family is broken and that we all used to be so close.
and she cant control how my brothers react,
While this statement a year ago would have made me very upset and make me feel like I caused my family all this pain, now doesnt.

I don’t feel like i desrve to be treated like this from anyone, let alone my family.
I wrk as hard as anyone else, I volunteer, I am good to the people around me, I have a good relationship. I am a good guy.
I dont deserve this.

Right now all I can say is that it is my family to blame for a broken relationship.
I have given them time to ‘morn’ now its time to get over all this and treat me like a human being and part of the family.

I will always be open to them initiating a relationship, although at times i want to just shut myself off from my family and never talk to any of them again. My parents should be taking responsibility for my siblings reactions and behavior.

I often read parents saying they dont want there kids to be ostracized. well the only discrimination I have experienced through this whole experience came from my parents and siblings.

I guess im just writing this to say to you parents….
I dont know what really…
It isn’t that bad, in fact it isnt bad.
with your support your kids will be able to be proud of the human beings they are and become.
Get over what you think your friends and communities will say.
and just show love and support.

I know this is a forum for the parents.
but i wanted to represent and get my two cents worth.

thanks for listening.

My oldest gay child, “B” has a new boyfriend whom I’ve met. Intellectually, it is a much better match for him than his first boyfriend. My current anxiety is that the the boyfriend “X” is 20 and his parents do not know he is gay. He lives at home and attends college. He has used the family car to drive several hours to visit and stay w/ my son days at a time. His parents are either dumb, naive, or have blinders on. I’m pretty sure they aren’t dumb since he is bright enough to be planning on med school in a year. B and X have discussed “coming out” and B has been unwilling to be visit X and lie about being just a college friend. I’m very proud of him for that. But, I don’t want him to be hurt or become the whipping boy for X’s parents if and when he comes out. This is certainly something I have no control over but it is on my mind.

The holidays have just ended and I was quite depressed during them. Truthfully, part of the depression is due to having an empty nest and menopause. But, as I worked in the kitchen to prepare special meals for my family and guests I kept focusing on the fact that I will not have daughters-in-law in my home. I had a wonderful relationship with my mother-in-law and was looking forward to it. Of course, I do know that even a daughter-in-law wouldn’t be jumping up to help w/ meals, cleaning. I’m going to have to change my expectations and / or quit expecting men to read my mind if I want help or input about things. Frankly, a lot of my sadness and grief at the moment is about me; not my children. My life isn’t going to be what I expected. I’m trying to come to grips with this.

Bryan, just try to love your son unconditionally. You can love him without loving the choices he makes about his lifestyle. However, let me be clear, I do not believe that being gay is a choice for many people – they were created by God that way.

Londoner, if I were your mother, I would want you to tell me you were gay. It is not fair for you to suffer or live a lie for a life time to avoid causing her pain. It sounds like you have a good relationship and I believe that with prayer, or counseling, time, and love she will be ok. Thank God that at least in the US we are allowing people to come out and be accepting of them. Yes, this is a generalization but I believe we’ve come a long way.

Finally, if someone really wants to talk; you may google North Fayette Elementary and leave a message for Kimberly. Your message is that you are calling about a blog.

I’m a 20 year old gay guy, and my brother is 23 and also gay. He came out to my mother before his 21st birthday, and she was devastated. My mother does not know I am gay, and is always pestering me to have a girlfriend, and saying that she finds it strange that I am 20 and have never been with a girl. She accepted him, but she was devastated. My brother and I were born in the UK (London), but my family originate from Northern India. Anyone that knows about Indian society and family know that its a very conservative, family-driven culture, and also highly religious.

Luckily, my mother was always ‘modern’ and forward thinking, and was never religious. However, she still had dreams of grandchildren, and daughters-in-law and kinda relies on me to fulfil that for her, even though I am gay too. She’s a single mother; my parents divorced when I was three years old and he was a very abusive man. The divorce itself was also very messy; lots of custody battles, court drama etc.

I don’t know how, or even if I can tell her that I am gay too. She only has us two boys, we have no other siblings. I am not really that close to my older brother, although he knows that I am gay too. He has tried to talk to me about gay issues in his own life sometimes, but I guess I’m quite dismissive and didn’t feel comfortable talking to him about such private stuff. He hasn’t talked to me about being gay since, which I feel more comfortable with.

My dilemma is that I love my mother more than anything. She has done everything to provide a great life for my brother and I. I don’t know if I should tell her or not. The other option is that I live my life as a ‘bachelor’ and never tell her, but I don’t know if that is sustainable, as she is already asking me why I don’t have girlfriend. The other day she asked me ‘are you interested in girls?’ and the only reply I could give her to make her happy was ‘yes’ to which she replied ‘thank God!’. It killed me inside.

If anybody could give me some sort of guidance, or advice on how to best go about coming out (or not coming out) or how to live without her finding out, I’d be so grateful.

As you can see, I don’t know what my options are. I’m only 20 so I guess I don’t have to rush into anything, but I would never want to enter into a fake marriage and end up breaking some poor girl’s heart because I couldn’t love her. I’m not really looking to have children, because it’s not something I can see myself doing.

My head is messed up right now .