Comments on: Not A Choice To Be Gay http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay Help For Parents Of Gay Children Sat, 17 Jul 2010 12:22:22 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Joanne http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-7657 Joanne Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:33:34 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-7657 My daughter is a lesbian and married to wonderful person. Imust admit when I first found out, I was a little taken aback. She was fourteen. But fortunately my love for GKod and for her wond out very quickly. You have the support or your brother. Utilize that as much as possible. You sound like a wonderful person and a son that I would be so proud of. And as a human being I am proud of you without even knowing you personally. Hang in there. Maybe at some point you can move out and get a small apt somewhere with your brothre or even alone. Contact gay organizations in your community or cloe by if your town is that small and also on the internet. I just watched a absolutely beautiful movie called The Single Man about homosexual love and it was done so passionately and I mean that in an artistic sense. So beauftiful. I wish that you could watch it some time. It is on Demand on HBO but should be at your local rental store also. I will pray for you for that is all I can do at this point for I dont live near you to help personally. You can write me anytime at jomared1004@hotmail.com if you just need to talk with someone. I know what my daughter went thru when she came our at such an early age but that was 14 yrs ago. She now lives in a very small town and married an older woman who had been married with three grown children. And yes they received some raised eyebrows and my wonderful daughterinlaw was even fired from her job for being gay. They won a court case on that by the way. NOt a lot of money but what a victory. They dont have nay problems anymore in htat town. Thank God. There is a hope for a better day. Just believein yourself and your own goodness first and formost. Dont let anyone be a thief and rob you of that which is inyour heart and soul. Not even your parents. There is a bible verse that says Parents do not provoke your children to anger. I dont know exactly where that appears but if you use a concordance you can find it. Im sure your dad would know about that. So yu see that goes along with honoring ones parents. YOU are beautiful just asyu are and Jesus lives within you and that means you are His temple. Wishing you love and peace, Joanne My daughter is a lesbian and married to wonderful person. Imust admit when I first found out, I was a little taken aback. She was fourteen. But fortunately my love for GKod and for her wond out very quickly. You have the support or your brother. Utilize that as much as possible. You sound like a wonderful person and a son that I would be so proud of. And as a human being I am proud of you without even knowing you personally. Hang in there. Maybe at some point you can move out and get a small apt somewhere with your brothre or even alone. Contact gay organizations in your community or cloe by if your town is that small and also on the internet. I just watched a absolutely beautiful movie called The Single Man about homosexual love and it was done so passionately and I mean that in an artistic sense. So beauftiful. I wish that you could watch it some time. It is on Demand on HBO but should be at your local rental store also. I will pray for you for that is all I can do at this point for I dont live near you to help personally. You can write me anytime at jomared1004@hotmail.com if you just need to talk with someone. I know what my daughter went thru when she came our at such an early age but that was 14 yrs ago. She now lives in a very small town and married an older woman who had been married with three grown children. And yes they received some raised eyebrows and my wonderful daughterinlaw was even fired from her job for being gay. They won a court case on that by the way. NOt a lot of money but what a victory. They dont have nay problems anymore in htat town. Thank God. There is a hope for a better day. Just believein yourself and your own goodness first and formost. Dont let anyone be a thief and rob you of that which is inyour heart and soul. Not even your parents. There is a bible verse that says Parents do not provoke your children to anger. I dont know exactly where that appears but if you use a concordance you can find it. Im sure your dad would know about that. So yu see that goes along with honoring ones parents. YOU are beautiful just asyu are and Jesus lives within you and that means you are His temple.
Wishing you love and peace,
Joanne

]]> By: vicky http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-7179 vicky Fri, 25 Jun 2010 16:47:34 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-7179 hi, let me tell you my story, its just me and my son in the world, most of our family has past away or are not in our life for different reason. my son has had issues during his childhood, losing his beloved grandmother, father left when he was young, stepdad didnt get along with and all the jokes that go along with going to school. I have always adored him, one day we were hanging out watching t.v. and he looked troubled,I asked what is wrong,he said I can't tell you cause you wont love me any more. I said there is nothing you can tell me that will make me stop loving you. He cried and whispered I'm gay I was shocked I knew he was sorta fem. but I always thought that was because he was around me and grandma so much, I hugged him and told him I love you just as much. We will figure this out together. Its not the life I would have picked for him because its hard and people are cruel,but stop loving him or asking him to try to change..no way. he was 15 that day, today he is 20 moved into his own apt. is assisting manager of a retail store almost manager,just a little longer,now things are not perfect, we battle things everyday,especially where we live in the deep south. There are alot of people who are not educated on the subject. This is where our story gets interesting, cause im a southern girl with all the trimmings and a christian and never been well versed on the subject of being gay. I knew when I looked in my sons eyes and saw his fear and pain it wasn't a choice, he was born that way, by our creator God almighty. One thing I do know is God doesnt make mistakes he made my son the way he is for a reason. We all go on different life journeys and we all have issues. Many times even now I have to reassure my son after mean comments by "christians" and just hateful people. That God loves him the way he is. God made him the way he is. I know in my heart that God excepts us the way we are. But one thing God doesn't like is when we humans try to be his judges here on earth... southern mother of a much loved gay son. s hi, let me tell you my story, its just me and my son in the world, most of our family has past away or are not in our life for different reason. my son has had issues during his childhood, losing his beloved grandmother, father left when he was young, stepdad didnt get along with and all the jokes that go along with going to school. I have always adored him, one day we were hanging out watching t.v. and he looked troubled,I asked what is wrong,he said I can’t tell you cause you wont love me any more. I said there is nothing you can tell me that will make me stop loving you. He cried and whispered I’m gay I was shocked I knew he was sorta fem. but I always thought that was because he was around me and grandma so much, I hugged him and told him I love you just as much. We will figure this out together. Its not the life I would have picked for him because its hard and people are cruel,but stop loving him or asking him to try to change..no way. he was 15 that day, today he is 20 moved into his own apt. is assisting manager of a retail store almost manager,just a little longer,now things are not perfect, we battle things everyday,especially where we live in the deep south. There are alot of people who are not educated on the subject. This is where our story gets interesting, cause im a southern girl with all the trimmings and a christian and never been well versed on the subject of being gay. I knew when I looked in my sons eyes and saw his fear and pain it wasn’t a choice, he was born that way, by our creator God almighty. One thing I do know is God doesnt make mistakes he made my son the way he is for a reason. We all go on different life journeys and we all have issues. Many times even now I have to reassure my son after mean comments by “christians” and just hateful people. That God loves him the way he is. God made him the way he is. I know in my heart that God excepts us the way we are. But one thing God doesn’t like is when we humans try to be his judges here on earth… southern mother of a much loved gay son.
s

]]> By: Tom http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-6736 Tom Tue, 08 Jun 2010 11:44:49 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-6736 While not gay myself, I , like many, have gone through a period of 'confusion" while I was growing up. Foortunately I was a type to go to Books and other authorative sources for my information, rather than ask my equally ignorant peers and locker room buddys about such matters, and got some valid information early on, which has saved me a lot of trouble and grief. The problem is tha MANY people do not know what "Gay" (homosexual) actually means. The lady above is an excellent example. Gay is NOT Crossdressing or a boy exhibiting "girly" behaviour, its wanting to have sex with other persons of the same sex. Yes, these things are sometimes connected, but are usually unrelated. Indeed the terms "homosexual" or "hetrosexual" make no sense when we are talking about 6 year old boys who are too young for ANY sexual attraction issues. Lots of people still take the simplistic, sanitized "kid's definition" of "gay"(when they ask) as "a guy that is like a girl" a bit too far and litteraly---when all that is actually ment is that he is like a girl in the fact that he is attracted to men. This can confuse a lot of confusion to even hetrosexual guys who just happen to to crossdress or, like all men, may have interests and activities sometimes associated with the opposite sex. I will go so far as to speculate that there are many "gay" people who are "pseudo homosexual"---actually straight but are convinced that they are gay because of confusion of the definition and bad info and mythology. BTW which I think represent the "cured gays" some church ministries boast about. While not gay myself, I , like many, have gone through a period of ‘confusion” while I was growing up. Foortunately I was a type to go to Books and other authorative sources for my information, rather than ask my equally ignorant peers and locker room buddys about such matters, and got some valid information early on, which has saved me a lot of trouble and grief.

The problem is tha MANY people do not know what “Gay” (homosexual) actually means. The lady above is an excellent example. Gay is NOT Crossdressing or a boy exhibiting “girly” behaviour, its wanting to have sex with other persons of the same sex. Yes, these things are sometimes connected, but are usually unrelated. Indeed the terms “homosexual” or “hetrosexual” make no sense when we are talking about 6 year old boys who are too young for ANY sexual attraction issues.
Lots of people still take the simplistic, sanitized “kid’s definition” of “gay”(when they ask) as “a guy that is like a girl” a bit too far and litteraly—when all that is actually ment is that he is like a girl in the fact that he is attracted to men. This can confuse a lot of confusion to even hetrosexual guys who just happen to to crossdress or, like all men, may have interests and activities sometimes associated with the opposite sex.

I will go so far as to speculate that there are many “gay” people who are “pseudo homosexual”—actually straight but are convinced that they are gay because of confusion of the definition and bad info and mythology. BTW which I think represent the “cured gays” some church ministries boast about.

]]> By: Sam http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-6619 Sam Wed, 02 Jun 2010 10:35:10 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-6619 Did you choose to be straight? Did you choose to be straight?

]]> By: Johnny Jay http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-6572 Johnny Jay Mon, 31 May 2010 03:23:28 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-6572 Alan, who do you think you are to call YOUR son an abomination. You pose the question how does one know that being gay is not a choice. I am a 20 yr old gay man and I have your answer. I first knew for sure I was gay around age 12. I was immediately interested in other boys and I knew it was wrong in the views of the majority of society. I knew I would face criticism, mental and physical abuse, and possible disownment of my family. Let me ask you a question. Why would I CHOOSE to subject myself to that type of harassment? I spent several years in denial, then trying to rationalize it and change it. It got to the point of where I was literally getting physically sick because I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Around age 15, I made some really good friends who were able to accept me for who I was and I realize now that I wouldn't want to change who I am. I didn't choose to be gay, but I am happy with who I am and I don't want to change it. I haven't yet come out to my parents. I was actually considering doing that soon (hence why I was on this site), but after reading how homophobes like you will react, I am reconsidering. Not only do I not want the potential backlash, but I don't want to put my family, THE PEOPLE I LOVE, in that situation. Until then, I am staying in the closet and relying on my good friends to get me through it. So you claim to love your son? Then stop acting like a "holier-than-thou" preacher who thinks he is God's servant. If homosexuality was a sin, God wouldn't have made some of us that way! Alan, who do you think you are to call YOUR son an abomination. You pose the question how does one know that being gay is not a choice. I am a 20 yr old gay man and I have your answer. I first knew for sure I was gay around age 12. I was immediately interested in other boys and I knew it was wrong in the views of the majority of society. I knew I would face criticism, mental and physical abuse, and possible disownment of my family. Let me ask you a question. Why would I CHOOSE to subject myself to that type of harassment? I spent several years in denial, then trying to rationalize it and change it. It got to the point of where I was literally getting physically sick because I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me.

Around age 15, I made some really good friends who were able to accept me for who I was and I realize now that I wouldn’t want to change who I am. I didn’t choose to be gay, but I am happy with who I am and I don’t want to change it.

I haven’t yet come out to my parents. I was actually considering doing that soon (hence why I was on this site), but after reading how homophobes like you will react, I am reconsidering. Not only do I not want the potential backlash, but I don’t want to put my family, THE PEOPLE I LOVE, in that situation. Until then, I am staying in the closet and relying on my good friends to get me through it. So you claim to love your son? Then stop acting like a “holier-than-thou” preacher who thinks he is God’s servant. If homosexuality was a sin, God wouldn’t have made some of us that way!

]]> By: Alan http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-6261 Alan Tue, 11 May 2010 23:58:53 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-6261 Reading some of the comments: How many have not bothered to post because we are n ow taught this perversion is to be accepted and made to be OK? I am a father of a gay and I will NEVER accept the sin. I still love the sinner, but what you choose to do is and always will be sinful, vile, and an abomination in the eyes of God. I will burn in Hell next to you for my sins, but you will be there right next to me. You people are supposed to be more highly educated, yet you can't write with punctuation. Seems rules are just not your thing, eh? Reading some of the comments:

How many have not bothered to post because we are n ow taught this perversion is to be accepted and made to be OK?

I am a father of a gay and I will NEVER accept the sin. I still love the sinner, but what you choose to do is and always will be sinful, vile, and an abomination in the eyes of God. I will burn in Hell next to you for my sins, but you will be there right next to me.

You people are supposed to be more highly educated, yet you can’t write with punctuation. Seems rules are just not your thing, eh?

]]> By: Alan http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-6260 Alan Tue, 11 May 2010 23:52:45 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-6260 How can you definitively say being gay is not a choice? How do you know? Did you know they will lie to you in order to cast aside any blame they may feel is coming? Did you know they often can not be honest about themselves with themselves? And what about the political gay...the one who really doesn't care how he/she is pleasured, but chooses to opposite of what society "demands" just to justify the chip on their shoulders? You've overly simplified and done some a disservice, I believe. How can you definitively say being gay is not a choice? How do you know? Did you know they will lie to you in order to cast aside any blame they may feel is coming? Did you know they often can not be honest about themselves with themselves?

And what about the political gay…the one who really doesn’t care how he/she is pleasured, but chooses to opposite of what society “demands” just to justify the chip on their shoulders?

You’ve overly simplified and done some a disservice, I believe.

]]> By: Hydroponic Closet http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-5458 Hydroponic Closet Fri, 05 Mar 2010 14:54:45 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-5458 Pretty interesting post - raises some interesting points for debate. I just stumbled upon your blog this morning and wanted to say that I have really liked browsing some of the posts. Anyways, I'm subscribed to your feed and I hope to read more very soon! Pretty interesting post – raises some interesting points for debate. I just stumbled upon your blog this morning and wanted to say that I have really liked browsing some of the posts. Anyways, I’m subscribed to your feed and I hope to read more very soon!

]]> By: Carmela Rossini http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-5234 Carmela Rossini Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:27:07 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-5234 Hi all, I am a young mom with 6 yr old twin sons. One son is very boyish and loves cars/monster trucks, etc...The other son since the day he can walk is always in my closet putting my shoes on, wearing my jewelry, asking me to put lipstick on him, his favorite color is pink he likes to play with girl toys, he is always in the bathroom with me when I am doing my hair. I am very girly and think that he wants to be like me and that I am his main role model. He asked me why god made him a boy and if I can change him into a girl, it shocked me that he was able to tell me such an adult thing, he is confused. They say that boys know at a very young age what they are. I am separated from their dad and the relationship between the one son and him was always strained. I'm just wondering if that is the reason why he turned towards me as more of a role model and wants to be a girl, or is it in his genes to be gay? maybe he won't grow up to be gay, but he is showing signs of it now. And furthermore, what is the difference between being a gay man and being transgender? it seems that he is unhappy that he is born a boy and wishes he was a girl, what does that mean? If anyone can shed some light on this topic for me that would be great. I'm just curious and don't know if i should discourage him and try to change his mind or just go with it and let him like what he likes? I would love him no matter what he grows up to be and always be there for him, I'm a very open minded loving person and see people for what's in their heart. Sincerely, confused mom Hi all,

I am a young mom with 6 yr old twin sons. One son is very boyish and loves cars/monster trucks, etc…The other son since the day he can walk is always in my closet putting my shoes on, wearing my jewelry, asking me to put lipstick on him, his favorite color is pink he likes to play with girl toys, he is always in the bathroom with me when I am doing my hair. I am very girly and think that he wants to be like me and that I am his main role model. He asked me why god made him a boy and if I can change him into a girl, it shocked me that he was able to tell me such an adult thing, he is confused. They say that boys know at a very young age what they are. I am separated from their dad and the relationship between the one son and him was always strained. I’m just wondering if that is the reason why he turned towards me as more of a role model and wants to be a girl, or is it in his genes to be gay? maybe he won’t grow up to be gay, but he is showing signs of it now. And furthermore, what is the difference between being a gay man and being transgender? it seems that he is unhappy that he is born a boy and wishes he was a girl, what does that mean? If anyone can shed some light on this topic for me that would be great. I’m just curious and don’t know if i should discourage him and try to change his mind or just go with it and let him like what he likes? I would love him no matter what he grows up to be and always be there for him, I’m a very open minded loving person and see people for what’s in their heart.

Sincerely,
confused mom

]]> By: Nathaniel Bowman http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/not-a-choice-to-be-gay/comment-page-1#comment-3907 Nathaniel Bowman Sun, 09 Aug 2009 19:59:51 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=35#comment-3907 i know that it must of been hard for you i know it was for me and telling my parents was even harder for me cause i didnt know how they would react to the situation. And i have a big family and then my parents decided to tell my brothers and sisters but they all told me that they love me no matter what i do!! That situation was about 3 years ago now im 15 and i am wanting to tell my whole family that im gay because im proud for who i am but my mom always questions me on why i want to tell everyone and i tell her cause i love myself and feel alot better if i let it out. But its getting harder on her cause she doesnt know what to do!! so i suggested PFLAG and i hope that she will get her questions answered by them. i know that it must of been hard for you i know it was for me and telling my parents was even harder for me cause i didnt know how they would react to the situation. And i have a big family and then my parents decided to tell my brothers and sisters but they all told me that they love me no matter what i do!! That situation was about 3 years ago now im 15 and i am wanting to tell my whole family that im gay because im proud for who i am but my mom always questions me on why i want to tell everyone and i tell her cause i love myself and feel alot better if i let it out. But its getting harder on her cause she doesnt know what to do!! so i suggested PFLAG and i hope that she will get her questions answered by them.

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