Comments on: Not A Choice To Be Gay

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 00:26:10 +0000

Chase, and all:

Most important–always love yourself, build and preserve your self-esteem. It takes time for parents to accept the declaration of their child’s sexual identity. You have lived with the hiding, the denial for years and then one day you tell them you’re gay. They can’t be expected to accept this shocking news in an instant.

Personally, I find that religious people give themselves over to God, as in not taking full responsibility for themselves. We are the captains of our own ships. I was raised Catholic and taught that God was all-loving and perfect, that he created humans in His likeness. I believe this to be true. I believe that we are spririts having human experiences, complete with trials, challenges and successes. I believe that humans are perfect and an expression of God’s/universal divinity. I am no longer a “good” Catholic because I don’t agree with the oppressive Churches teachings, or any other churches teachings of sin and damnation. Ironically, I feel that my beliefs are the true essence of what religions Should be conveying. There are no mistakes, each and every one of us make up the variegated fabric of our world. We are all perfect and divine, some of us just don’t know it.

Your heart is Divine, follow your heart. Have compassion for those who don’t understand your identity. There are ultimately only two emotions in our world–Love and Fear. All other emotions stem from these two. People who are cruel, derogatory and discriminatory act out of fear–have compassion for them because they can’t see their own divinity. They don’t know how to speak their divine truths.

My heart is with all of you who suffer. Look deeply into your hearts, listen to your own beliefs, go deeper into your hearts until the beliefs you state truly make your heart sing. That’s where you want to live.

Love,
Lisa

By: Diane

Diane — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 20:32:18 +0000

I am so thankful I found your website. I hope you can help me with some advice… or maybe some encouragement or both. My son, who will be 15 in April, just told me Saturday that he is bi-sexual. I know this sounds wierd, but for a moment I felt such ‘relief.’ I knew my son had been unhappy for quite some time and having trouble at school and I never could get a ‘believable’ answer out of him when I would question his depression. I have never seen such anguish and pain on anyone’s face that I saw in him when he was telling me. He was crying so hard and seemed so ‘lost,’ and my heart was breaking for him. He told me that he has known for a year and a half and seriously considered suiciide at least three times if not more and that if it hadn’t been for a friend of his (who is a girl) that he would not be alive. I felt so much guilt, and still do, because I have ALWAYS told my children they could tell me anything and there was nothing that could ever cause me to stop loving them with all my heart until the day I die….and even afterwards. I am so sorry that he has gone through this unhappiness and confusion alone for so long.

He also told me that everyday at school (he is in the 9th grade in high school) he has to tolerate people calling him names like “gayboy,” “queer” “fagat”…. and well you know the list is neverending with ignorant people and especially kids at school… everytime he walks down the hall. It makes me so sad that I know he is going to have such a hard life and there is really nothing I can do to help him avoid it. He is such a wonderful, loving person but unfortunately most people won’t ever get to know that part of him because they will be so quick to judge. He has a sister who is 31 and a brother who is 25. I know they will both understand and love him just the same. My daughter has good friends that are gay. My husband (of only 2 years) on the otherhand, is a prejudice, judgmental person. I’m pretty sure that when he finds out I will have no choice to divorce him, which I would do in a heartbeat if he ever made my son feel less than the wonderful person he is. I feel alone now. I am experiencing what my younger son has been going through for the past year and a half with no one to talk to. I’m thinking that I really don’t need to discuss it with any of them right now. That maybe I should wait until my son is ready to tell them when he is older or ready. The only thing I care about is helping my son to have a happy life being just who he is, but I don’t know how. Can you please help me?

Diane

By: Lianne Hertzler

Lianne Hertzler — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 02:58:57 +0000

Valuable information. Lucky me I found your website accidentally, and I am surprised why this twist of fate didn’t happened in advance! I bookmarked it.

By: Martin

Martin — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 12:58:54 +0000

I’m a guy and i’m gay and i find mostly all of this information inacurateand or completly sexist im not being mean i just don’t know how the parents came up with this and some people may not want to be gay i said SOME people not all i’m fine with being gay i’m proud except… i’m em, being gay and my family are the only things i’m proud of i really don’t like myself that much mainly because i thought i was transgender at birth but turns out im really gay. i dont know how this workes out all i nno gay steryotypes are realy stuipd what with the pink and the clothes and being like “women” and know ive just realized this is getting more and mmore sloopy as i go on about my stupid life my lord its just geting worse and worse well basicly im not liking my life at all but knowing me i dont want it to start turning up the people at my school call me “gay boy” and “emo b—-” its overall terrible they tease me about my long hair and call me a “man h—–” and i HATE it but one night i prayed to god “love instead of hapieness” and i want a lover someone who can take the pain with me but it appears to be too much to ask so my invisble friends(i call them “the nicest people not alive”) will have to do for now while i hate myself and cry to sleep.

By: Laurie thomas

Laurie thomas — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 21:15:05 +0000

hey chase and everyone else. I am a single mom with 3 sons i am shaken up my faith is questioned and everything i’ve ever been taught as a child is put to the test. my 11 year old thinks he’s gay . i am shocked terrified but loves him beyond death,i know i can get through this and won’t ever ostricise or ridicule my baby. yes i hoped for grand kids and the traditional male/female wedding but i also promised myself to put my childrens happiness first. i have cried about it constantly and i am sad and i also wish it’s a phase he’s going through and will recover from. but deep down inside i know i’m wrong. i read your story chase and i am gonna go home and hug my child and let him know how much i love him and i say this to you i am proud of you and stay true to who you are . my question is . How old do you have to be to be sure your gay?

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 13:15:18 +0000

Hello my name is Chris

i wanted from a long time to find the right words to explain to people but found it imposible cause most of them are still not very advanced baboons … so for all those who read this and find yourself a gay that have to deal with the red butt baboons from around u like me read what i say about me

1)i’ve never been straight, i always liked what girls liked and i acted like one and stuff, now i act like in between
2)i love my mother and father a lot and they love me so much
they dont care if i am gay or what i do in bed they said thats up to me they dont even feel like having a conversation with me about that because they love chris that chris they always loved
3) from what i know ‘we’ gay people we all wish we were born straight, we dont want to turn peole gay ( it is even so ridiculos wat these lunatic people can say about us) if u are gay u definitely were born gay and thats it u cant turn gay even if u worship budha u cant
4)i find religious people totally evil and because i know i was born gay and they so believe gay peopel choose to be gay which is not true and i know that because i am one of them i decided that god doesnt exist and religion is evil
5)i am hugely proud of me and love myself so if someone of u (the haters) dare to say something offensive to me i take what the hell i have in my hand and slash ur f-king ugly face

i always loved my parents above the ordinary straight guys did and me and my parents + friends + every member of my city and stuff we get along so well too well for u to come and tell me to kick your butt because u are not sexy +intelligent +creative + so many friends etc etc like me

as a gay i will always love intelligent people and all sorts of races and with a great fist i will defend all those bullied, raped, hated for being different, rockers, black people, poor people
i will be against violence and against everyone that use force (especially for the women that get beaten up by men, which i definitely cant stand and i have somethign to say about it) and i hope women will get more rights all around the world they still dont have as many as i wish them to have

i found women very tolerant with gays so i have nothing against them, the only ones that hate gays apperently are some straight men

By: natascha

natascha — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 03:47:07 +0000

chase
I really feel for you,I also know some what how your mother feels
I myself a mother of a son who I know is guy and I was very hard for me also to except.I denied it forever and then I would corner him and beg him to tell me if it was so even though I knew the answer.He is my only son and I feel like I have been ripped off in having a chance of having a daughter in law or becoming a grandparent,It kills me that because of his choice i will never be able to experience these relationships.It is very hard for a mother to accept that the family line or cycle “name” ends with him.My son has left me and I have not heard from him in almost 1 year ,I guess he was where you are now just wanting to get away…But remember it takes time to come to terms with this change in plans and dreams she had.I love my son and i told him i would not love him less.Often i felt this is a dream and im going to wake up and he will tell me he figured it out and he in not gay.
please be patient with your parents,these are very different times then when they grew up…You are loved ..but give them the time to adjust and im sure they will…they may never agree with it as i dont but my son has to live his life ,its not mine to live,,,,my arms are open to him ,I hope he will contact me sometime soon…I guess he needs his time away from me to
email me any time (lebonnatascha@hotmail.com)

By: Diane Rod

Diane Rod — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 19:55:20 +0000

I feel desperate, I found out about my son 5 years ago when he was 19 years…. It was a shock because we are also christian and I found out in the office of my Pastor’s wife…. She said he was abused when he was younger, not only that I wAs dealing with the fact that he was gay but also sexually abused. Abused by whom?…. My mind was in a fog, i did not hear her words anymore my mind was searching, who and when. I asked her who ans she did not tell me. As a child I was a victim myself of sexual abuse since I was probably 3 to 14 yrs.by a family member. So I was very careful with my two sons. I was very depressed and wAnted to commit suicide… I started drinking, later I found out he wAsn’t raped, I didn’t have to deal with that ( I still have my doubts) but I needed to deal with the fact that he waz gay and did not know how…. My love for him was not an issue if anything was bigger. I had to see his eyes full of fear and insecurities of how I was going to deal with it. And his father how i was going tk break the news to him… I did not tell him right away. My son wS a prayer warrior in our “mega church” he was a leader and soon to be a youth Pastor. That wAs the beginning. I hugged him, wanted to protect him from the pain he wS feeling of dealing with his feelings az a gay man, thinking tbat he let down God and his parents. Pls dont judge me. I love my son with all my heart but i dont know how to get close to him and we have been very close. He is cold with me now, he is pushing me away, all I hear are regrets. I never rejected him at least not consiously. I said to him lots of times, let me be part of your life, let me know your friends, help me understand. I let him kniw that God loves him no matter what. At the beginning he had a friend and he brought him to the house and he looked like a nice young man and we had dinner twice…. I tried very hard. I havent stop tryi g and today I feel so desperate that I decided to share this for thr first time. I talked about it with my hus and at the beginning he wanred to kill him but now we cry together cause we dont know what to do not to loose our son. I dont know anybody with a gay son that I can talk to. I like to get in contact with Denise Marvel and Trish… To the gay sons I can only tell you to help your parents, to talk to them, we all need help. More than the fact that my son is gay what hurts the most is that i am pushed away and when he gets dressed to go out I never know where he goes or whom he goes out with. May be I can hug his friends and it help ease this pain. They hurt so much and now my son is also hjrting and dont know how to handle this. I like to know how to get in touch with Denise M. And Trish. Thank you. To Chase and all the rest… God loves us no matter what…

By: andy

andy — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 09:59:38 +0000

i dnt knw wht 2 say bt 4 me its hard sumtymz i fil lyk iam nt human it hurts a lot 2 knw tht ur parents hv great expectations of u, i fil so alne i jst nid 2 talk 2 pple who ar going the same thng ,cuz i knw tht my dad wnt understnd wht im going through u cn snd me an email at tsepho1@gmail.com or gv me a col on 076028559 tnx guys

By: Bel

Bel — Sun, 01 May 2011 11:45:05 +0000

Hi all,
My son, turning 13 just told me 2 days ago that he is gay. The news came hard. The first reaction I did was hug my son and told him it would be okay and that I will support him and my love for him as a mom has even grown stronger. He knew he was gay 2 years ago but didn’t know how to bring it up to me. I explained to him that this is the 21st century and things are different nowadays. However he preferred to first keep this within the family. I respected that since i beleive it is up to him when he wants to tell it to his friends/classmates. I asked though the reason why he prefers not to tell it yet outside the family? I just want to make sure that the reason is not because he’s afraid of the circumstances, because if that was the case, then I would have supported him how to deal with it. He assured me that that he just don’t feel the right time yet and besides it doesn’t really bother him yet that others don’t know. I respected that and told him it is his decision. But I must be honest, being a mom, it really hit me hard and I was crying most of the time since I heard it. I read from other blogs that it takes time for a parent to accept his child is a gay. I have made clear to my son that I will support him and my love will always be there. I told him as well, to also give me time to adjust to this new fact. That the main reason why I am still crying all the time is because of the fear as a mom, how to protect him. It really kills me that he has to cope up with lots of struggles and pain and challenges. I am brought up in a strict Catholic community but I am very broadminded. I’ve never allowed my religion interferes when my son told me he is gay. I love my son and will always support him. It is fear of the challenges that he will face that makes me so sad. Although I am confident that my son will learn to live/cope with it still it hurts me, as a mom, that my child has to undergo such pain and I couldn’t protect him. The world could be cruel and no parent would want his child gets hurt. All I could give is my support and love. BTW his dad doesn’t know it yet coz’ he works abroad and won’t be home ’till next week. But I know my husband, he is also very broadminded and just like me he will give his unconditional support and love to our son too. Our youngest daughter also accepts her brother for what he is. I guess as a parent the best way to cope up with this is to put things in perspective. At least that’s how I am doing it at this moment. No parent would want his/her child be unhappy. It is NOT a choice they make to be gay. And we all have to accept it. Of course it is hard for the parents. I am experiencing it now. But I will not forbid my son to do things the way it will be acceptable to the hetero society. It is his life and he is also human who needs happiness. A painful truth for parents but something we must learn to face, though it may take a while.