Not A Choice To Be Gay
hello my name is chase i was lookin through different sites on being gay when i came across yours i ready it and decided that i would send you an email. i recently just came to accept that i was bisexual i go for both guys and girls.. i was recenly outed on it by 2 of my friends who went through my phone and saw a text message i had sent to another guy and then took it and told everyone i am from a small town so the word didn;t take to long to get around my mom found out but never saud anything to me until my brother found out and told her about it my brother is cool with it says that he loves me no matter what i choose and that i will always have his support and always be his little brother.. my mom later asked me about it so i told her she went crazy tried to get me medical help and everything else that you can imagin my dad has no clue and don;t think that i could ever tell him he is a southern preacher who stands strong in what he believes. me and my mother have always had a very close relationship and very open until now i am now livin 2 lives and keepin myself as fao away as i can get from her to that she will not ask questions that way i do not have to lie to her about anything. i am at the end of my rope and don;t know what else to do and can’t keep livin like this.. i like to think of myself as a good person i go to school full time and work about 60 hours a week in the ER at the second largest hospital in GA and i am only 20 but for some reason none of that matters to my family if i am not “straight” i just don;t know what else to do or turn someone please help me. i am so tired of bein told that this was a choice that i made to be this way.
i know it hurts when my prents found out about me my mother wanted take me to the doc but my dad wanted to kill me, it was hard and it is still hard but am getting on now, your mom is shock by the news, she is allso thinking of grandchildrens it will take a time for her to get over it, ur dad now u say is a preacher, i dont think u should tell him aether, talk to your mom, try to not let her tell ur dad not yet till u get over her,it will be hard try to work things out with your family, and a friend who you can chat with, if the people aroud you are very antigay be cair full. my mother found out just the way yours did afriend found out and told the community. if want you can emil me at virousmil@yahoo.com
Hi Chase
You should be proud of yourself. I hope your mother receives some support and knowledge and realises that you are still her child, no matter what, she loved you the day before she found out and you are still the same person, youre still her son no matter who you are attracted to.
I am grateful that you have your brother support and encouragement to be who you are, that is a great thing. anyone else who cannot accept yu, well F&^% them, its THEIR PROBLEM, not yours.
Be brave be strong be careful be you and be proud.
All the best
Hi chase you are not alone and keep your head held high. I came out to my mom when i was 12 yrs old and i was outed in schoolwhen i was 14yrs old. it was real tough for me. That was in1974 i graduated with honors. in 1978. ive had a good life, It was tough because i had to choose between my family and my lifestyle. I came to the conclussion that this was who i was and will always will be. Well it took some time but my mother has accepted the fact that her son is gay and all she wants for me is happinest. my father is a minister he found out and all he wanted to know was it true well it him over 20 yrs but were talking contact for support glazzman66@yahoo.com ive been through and would be honored to help you in anyway that i can.
Chase — my mother’s heart breaks for you. My son recently came out to me about 3 months ago via email. He was raised in a christian home too as his mom use to sing on the road in the christian music industry. All I can tell you is to be true to who you are. We have levels of acceptable sin in the church. I know what the Bible says about the act of homosexuality but I also know that GOD loves YOU exactly where you are and in this moment. My son knows that his parents love him. That’s NOT going to change. I am fiercely devoted to him and will remain that way until the day I die. He’s a good man. I don’t care about his oreintation. But having said that, this isn’t an easy thing to deal with because we mothers think about all the harsh and cold realities you will face from our society. Throw on top of that the very real fear of your place in eternity, and we just wig the hell out. I encourage you, REGARDLESS, to keep the dialog open with your mom. Yes, it may be hard and at times intensely painful, but this is a journey SHE must make as well. She will learn from this. Her faith may be challenged and that isn’t always a bad thing, I don’t think. I am still fleshing through alot of different emotions but I am thankful my son came clean. I am hopeful that your mom will get there someday.
Now, this mom challenges you to practice safe sex — ALWAYS! And Chase, I had the same talk with my hetero daughter.LOL
Good luck,
Stella
Dear Stella,
thank you for your very kind and accepting words for Chase. I have to say that I found comfort in them myself.
Being spiritual and also religious person, the prejudice and misunderstanding of the Bible created a lot of pain in people with different sexual orientation as well as in everyone else.
Didn’t God created every person to his image? – I ask a lot. Doesn’t church teach us to love every person as our brother and sister? Aren’t we supposed to treat other people the way we would like to be treated ourselves? These are the questions I ask myself a lot. I recommend to watch the movie “FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO” – it explains that even Bible does not necessarily reject homosexuality…
I wish everyone peace in your souls and bright sunshine in your hearts.
Thanks everyone for supportive words!
Marko
A section from my blog:
“Speaking of understanding; I feel saddened that people in our world are being treated in a way that should not be acceptable. I was watching Wife Swap a while ago. This 50-something-year-old woman has to go and live with a 20-something woman who is a lesbian. The 50 year old said “If gay people were to have children, they would let child molesters have them tooâ€. I’m not disputing the fact that she was completely wrong, but I think she just didn’t understand gay people.
I think that is the problem with the older generations; they simply are uneducated on homosexuals. They still grasp onto the old ways of life that condemn gay people because “it is a sinâ€, “it is wrongâ€, etc. The gay-supporting groups around the world should target the older generation and educate them on homosexuals, educate them on why there is “these types of peopleâ€; on why we deserve our right to live. Straight people have a right to live, but not all gay/bi/etc people don’t, do they?”
I feel really bad for you, in fact I think of my own son, 18 year old that is gay. His dad and I are completely against “it” however, this whole ordeal has caused him to move out. He recently graduated and is in the process of leaving to college in the fall however now that he is no longer living at home is when I realize that I miss my son.
He is the same person but with a different sexual orientation than mine or his dad’s but the love is the same as his younger brother and sister. Stay strong for yourself however have patience with your parents I am positive that deep down they do love you for you. I found this out but until he had already moved out, I have a different perspective about gays; it is not a choice but who each one of us really is inside.
Chase – My 37 year old son came out to me in his senior year of high school. I thought my love for him (even after he came out)could protect him enough from the cruel outside world. How foolish of me. He took a pretty darn destructive path for quite a while. Now SOBER and healthy, our relationship grows daily.
I guess what I am trying to say – stay grounded in who you are, get your mother involved in PGLAG or get her connected with another mom who has experience going through this not unique mother/gay son relationship, find and talk to the God that I know loves you as your are, don’t give up.
Feel free to give your mom my email address – I have a ton to tell her that might give her some hope and encouragement. I love my gay son and thank my dear Lord that he gave him to me.
i know that it must of been hard for you i know it was for me and telling my parents was even harder for me cause i didnt know how they would react to the situation. And i have a big family and then my parents decided to tell my brothers and sisters but they all told me that they love me no matter what i do!! That situation was about 3 years ago now im 15 and i am wanting to tell my whole family that im gay because im proud for who i am but my mom always questions me on why i want to tell everyone and i tell her cause i love myself and feel alot better if i let it out. But its getting harder on her cause she doesnt know what to do!! so i suggested PFLAG and i hope that she will get her questions answered by them.
Hi all,
I am a young mom with 6 yr old twin sons. One son is very boyish and loves cars/monster trucks, etc…The other son since the day he can walk is always in my closet putting my shoes on, wearing my jewelry, asking me to put lipstick on him, his favorite color is pink he likes to play with girl toys, he is always in the bathroom with me when I am doing my hair. I am very girly and think that he wants to be like me and that I am his main role model. He asked me why god made him a boy and if I can change him into a girl, it shocked me that he was able to tell me such an adult thing, he is confused. They say that boys know at a very young age what they are. I am separated from their dad and the relationship between the one son and him was always strained. I’m just wondering if that is the reason why he turned towards me as more of a role model and wants to be a girl, or is it in his genes to be gay? maybe he won’t grow up to be gay, but he is showing signs of it now. And furthermore, what is the difference between being a gay man and being transgender? it seems that he is unhappy that he is born a boy and wishes he was a girl, what does that mean? If anyone can shed some light on this topic for me that would be great. I’m just curious and don’t know if i should discourage him and try to change his mind or just go with it and let him like what he likes? I would love him no matter what he grows up to be and always be there for him, I’m a very open minded loving person and see people for what’s in their heart.
Sincerely,
confused mom
Pretty interesting post – raises some interesting points for debate. I just stumbled upon your blog this morning and wanted to say that I have really liked browsing some of the posts. Anyways, I’m subscribed to your feed and I hope to read more very soon!