Not A Choice To Be Gay
hello my name is chase i was lookin through different sites on being gay when i came across yours i ready it and decided that i would send you an email. i recently just came to accept that i was bisexual i go for both guys and girls..
i was recenly outed on it by 2 of my friends who went through my phone and saw a text message i had sent to another guy and then took it and told everyone i am from a small town so the word didn;t take to long to get around my mom found out but never saud anything to me until my brother found out and told her about it my brother is cool with it says that he loves me no matter what i choose and that i will always have his support and always be his little brother..
my mom later asked me about it so i told her she went crazy tried to get me medical help and everything else that you can imagin my dad has no clue and don;t think that i could ever tell him he is a southern preacher who stands strong in what he believes. me and my mother have always had a very close relationship and very open until now i am now livin 2 lives and keepin myself as fao away as i can get from her to that she will not ask questions that way i do not have to lie to her about anything. i am at the end of my rope and don;t know what else to do and can’t keep livin like this..
i like to think of myself as a good person i go to school full time and work about 60 hours a week in the ER at the second largest hospital in GA and i am only 20 but for some reason none of that matters to my family if i am not “straight” i just don;t know what else to do or turn someone please help me. i am so tired of bein told that this was a choice that i made to be this way.
i know it hurts when my prents found out about me my mother wanted take me to the doc but my dad wanted to kill me, it was hard and it is still hard but am getting on now, your mom is shock by the news, she is allso thinking of grandchildrens it will take a time for her to get over it, ur dad now u say is a preacher, i dont think u should tell him aether, talk to your mom, try to not let her tell ur dad not yet till u get over her,it will be hard try to work things out with your family, and a friend who you can chat with, if the people aroud you are very antigay be cair full. my mother found out just the way yours did afriend found out and told the community. if want you can emil me at virousmil@yahoo.com
Hi Chase
You should be proud of yourself. I hope your mother receives some support and knowledge and realises that you are still her child, no matter what, she loved you the day before she found out and you are still the same person, youre still her son no matter who you are attracted to.
I am grateful that you have your brother support and encouragement to be who you are, that is a great thing. anyone else who cannot accept yu, well F&^% them, its THEIR PROBLEM, not yours.
Be brave be strong be careful be you and be proud.
All the best
Hi chase you are not alone and keep your head held high. I came out to my mom when i was 12 yrs old and i was outed in schoolwhen i was 14yrs old. it was real tough for me. That was in1974 i graduated with honors. in 1978. ive had a good life, It was tough because i had to choose between my family and my lifestyle. I came to the conclussion that this was who i was and will always will be. Well it took some time but my mother has accepted the fact that her son is gay and all she wants for me is happinest. my father is a minister he found out and all he wanted to know was it true well it him over 20 yrs but were talking contact for support glazzman66@yahoo.com ive been through and would be honored to help you in anyway that i can.
Chase — my mother’s heart breaks for you. My son recently came out to me about 3 months ago via email. He was raised in a christian home too as his mom use to sing on the road in the christian music industry. All I can tell you is to be true to who you are. We have levels of acceptable sin in the church. I know what the Bible says about the act of homosexuality but I also know that GOD loves YOU exactly where you are and in this moment. My son knows that his parents love him. That’s NOT going to change. I am fiercely devoted to him and will remain that way until the day I die. He’s a good man. I don’t care about his oreintation. But having said that, this isn’t an easy thing to deal with because we mothers think about all the harsh and cold realities you will face from our society. Throw on top of that the very real fear of your place in eternity, and we just wig the hell out. I encourage you, REGARDLESS, to keep the dialog open with your mom. Yes, it may be hard and at times intensely painful, but this is a journey SHE must make as well. She will learn from this. Her faith may be challenged and that isn’t always a bad thing, I don’t think. I am still fleshing through alot of different emotions but I am thankful my son came clean. I am hopeful that your mom will get there someday.
Now, this mom challenges you to practice safe sex — ALWAYS! And Chase, I had the same talk with my hetero daughter.LOL
Good luck,
Stella
Dear Stella,
thank you for your very kind and accepting words for Chase. I have to say that I found comfort in them myself.
Being spiritual and also religious person, the prejudice and misunderstanding of the Bible created a lot of pain in people with different sexual orientation as well as in everyone else.
Didn’t God created every person to his image? – I ask a lot. Doesn’t church teach us to love every person as our brother and sister? Aren’t we supposed to treat other people the way we would like to be treated ourselves? These are the questions I ask myself a lot. I recommend to watch the movie “FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO” – it explains that even Bible does not necessarily reject homosexuality…
I wish everyone peace in your souls and bright sunshine in your hearts.
Thanks everyone for supportive words!
Marko
A section from my blog:
“Speaking of understanding; I feel saddened that people in our world are being treated in a way that should not be acceptable. I was watching Wife Swap a while ago. This 50-something-year-old woman has to go and live with a 20-something woman who is a lesbian. The 50 year old said “If gay people were to have children, they would let child molesters have them tooâ€. I’m not disputing the fact that she was completely wrong, but I think she just didn’t understand gay people.
I think that is the problem with the older generations; they simply are uneducated on homosexuals. They still grasp onto the old ways of life that condemn gay people because “it is a sinâ€, “it is wrongâ€, etc. The gay-supporting groups around the world should target the older generation and educate them on homosexuals, educate them on why there is “these types of peopleâ€; on why we deserve our right to live. Straight people have a right to live, but not all gay/bi/etc people don’t, do they?”
I feel really bad for you, in fact I think of my own son, 18 year old that is gay. His dad and I are completely against “it” however, this whole ordeal has caused him to move out. He recently graduated and is in the process of leaving to college in the fall however now that he is no longer living at home is when I realize that I miss my son.
He is the same person but with a different sexual orientation than mine or his dad’s but the love is the same as his younger brother and sister. Stay strong for yourself however have patience with your parents I am positive that deep down they do love you for you. I found this out but until he had already moved out, I have a different perspective about gays; it is not a choice but who each one of us really is inside.
Chase – My 37 year old son came out to me in his senior year of high school. I thought my love for him (even after he came out)could protect him enough from the cruel outside world. How foolish of me. He took a pretty darn destructive path for quite a while. Now SOBER and healthy, our relationship grows daily.
I guess what I am trying to say – stay grounded in who you are, get your mother involved in PGLAG or get her connected with another mom who has experience going through this not unique mother/gay son relationship, find and talk to the God that I know loves you as your are, don’t give up.
Feel free to give your mom my email address – I have a ton to tell her that might give her some hope and encouragement. I love my gay son and thank my dear Lord that he gave him to me.
i know that it must of been hard for you i know it was for me and telling my parents was even harder for me cause i didnt know how they would react to the situation. And i have a big family and then my parents decided to tell my brothers and sisters but they all told me that they love me no matter what i do!! That situation was about 3 years ago now im 15 and i am wanting to tell my whole family that im gay because im proud for who i am but my mom always questions me on why i want to tell everyone and i tell her cause i love myself and feel alot better if i let it out. But its getting harder on her cause she doesnt know what to do!! so i suggested PFLAG and i hope that she will get her questions answered by them.
Hi all,
I am a young mom with 6 yr old twin sons. One son is very boyish and loves cars/monster trucks, etc…The other son since the day he can walk is always in my closet putting my shoes on, wearing my jewelry, asking me to put lipstick on him, his favorite color is pink he likes to play with girl toys, he is always in the bathroom with me when I am doing my hair. I am very girly and think that he wants to be like me and that I am his main role model. He asked me why god made him a boy and if I can change him into a girl, it shocked me that he was able to tell me such an adult thing, he is confused. They say that boys know at a very young age what they are. I am separated from their dad and the relationship between the one son and him was always strained. I’m just wondering if that is the reason why he turned towards me as more of a role model and wants to be a girl, or is it in his genes to be gay? maybe he won’t grow up to be gay, but he is showing signs of it now. And furthermore, what is the difference between being a gay man and being transgender? it seems that he is unhappy that he is born a boy and wishes he was a girl, what does that mean? If anyone can shed some light on this topic for me that would be great. I’m just curious and don’t know if i should discourage him and try to change his mind or just go with it and let him like what he likes? I would love him no matter what he grows up to be and always be there for him, I’m a very open minded loving person and see people for what’s in their heart.
Sincerely,
confused mom
Pretty interesting post – raises some interesting points for debate. I just stumbled upon your blog this morning and wanted to say that I have really liked browsing some of the posts. Anyways, I’m subscribed to your feed and I hope to read more very soon!
How can you definitively say being gay is not a choice? How do you know? Did you know they will lie to you in order to cast aside any blame they may feel is coming? Did you know they often can not be honest about themselves with themselves?
And what about the political gay…the one who really doesn’t care how he/she is pleasured, but chooses to opposite of what society “demands” just to justify the chip on their shoulders?
You’ve overly simplified and done some a disservice, I believe.
Reading some of the comments:
How many have not bothered to post because we are n ow taught this perversion is to be accepted and made to be OK?
I am a father of a gay and I will NEVER accept the sin. I still love the sinner, but what you choose to do is and always will be sinful, vile, and an abomination in the eyes of God. I will burn in Hell next to you for my sins, but you will be there right next to me.
You people are supposed to be more highly educated, yet you can’t write with punctuation. Seems rules are just not your thing, eh?
Alan, who do you think you are to call YOUR son an abomination. You pose the question how does one know that being gay is not a choice. I am a 20 yr old gay man and I have your answer. I first knew for sure I was gay around age 12. I was immediately interested in other boys and I knew it was wrong in the views of the majority of society. I knew I would face criticism, mental and physical abuse, and possible disownment of my family. Let me ask you a question. Why would I CHOOSE to subject myself to that type of harassment? I spent several years in denial, then trying to rationalize it and change it. It got to the point of where I was literally getting physically sick because I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me.
Around age 15, I made some really good friends who were able to accept me for who I was and I realize now that I wouldn’t want to change who I am. I didn’t choose to be gay, but I am happy with who I am and I don’t want to change it.
I haven’t yet come out to my parents. I was actually considering doing that soon (hence why I was on this site), but after reading how homophobes like you will react, I am reconsidering. Not only do I not want the potential backlash, but I don’t want to put my family, THE PEOPLE I LOVE, in that situation. Until then, I am staying in the closet and relying on my good friends to get me through it. So you claim to love your son? Then stop acting like a “holier-than-thou” preacher who thinks he is God’s servant. If homosexuality was a sin, God wouldn’t have made some of us that way!
Did you choose to be straight?
While not gay myself, I , like many, have gone through a period of ‘confusion” while I was growing up. Foortunately I was a type to go to Books and other authorative sources for my information, rather than ask my equally ignorant peers and locker room buddys about such matters, and got some valid information early on, which has saved me a lot of trouble and grief.
The problem is tha MANY people do not know what “Gay” (homosexual) actually means. The lady above is an excellent example. Gay is NOT Crossdressing or a boy exhibiting “girly” behaviour, its wanting to have sex with other persons of the same sex. Yes, these things are sometimes connected, but are usually unrelated. Indeed the terms “homosexual” or “hetrosexual” make no sense when we are talking about 6 year old boys who are too young for ANY sexual attraction issues.
Lots of people still take the simplistic, sanitized “kid’s definition” of “gay”(when they ask) as “a guy that is like a girl” a bit too far and litteraly—when all that is actually ment is that he is like a girl in the fact that he is attracted to men. This can confuse a lot of confusion to even hetrosexual guys who just happen to to crossdress or, like all men, may have interests and activities sometimes associated with the opposite sex.
I will go so far as to speculate that there are many “gay” people who are “pseudo homosexual”—actually straight but are convinced that they are gay because of confusion of the definition and bad info and mythology. BTW which I think represent the “cured gays” some church ministries boast about.
hi, let me tell you my story, its just me and my son in the world, most of our family has past away or are not in our life for different reason. my son has had issues during his childhood, losing his beloved grandmother, father left when he was young, stepdad didnt get along with and all the jokes that go along with going to school. I have always adored him, one day we were hanging out watching t.v. and he looked troubled,I asked what is wrong,he said I can’t tell you cause you wont love me any more. I said there is nothing you can tell me that will make me stop loving you. He cried and whispered I’m gay I was shocked I knew he was sorta fem. but I always thought that was because he was around me and grandma so much, I hugged him and told him I love you just as much. We will figure this out together. Its not the life I would have picked for him because its hard and people are cruel,but stop loving him or asking him to try to change..no way. he was 15 that day, today he is 20 moved into his own apt. is assisting manager of a retail store almost manager,just a little longer,now things are not perfect, we battle things everyday,especially where we live in the deep south. There are alot of people who are not educated on the subject. This is where our story gets interesting, cause im a southern girl with all the trimmings and a christian and never been well versed on the subject of being gay. I knew when I looked in my sons eyes and saw his fear and pain it wasn’t a choice, he was born that way, by our creator God almighty. One thing I do know is God doesnt make mistakes he made my son the way he is for a reason. We all go on different life journeys and we all have issues. Many times even now I have to reassure my son after mean comments by “christians” and just hateful people. That God loves him the way he is. God made him the way he is. I know in my heart that God excepts us the way we are. But one thing God doesn’t like is when we humans try to be his judges here on earth… southern mother of a much loved gay son.
s
My daughter is a lesbian and married to wonderful person. Imust admit when I first found out, I was a little taken aback. She was fourteen. But fortunately my love for GKod and for her wond out very quickly. You have the support or your brother. Utilize that as much as possible. You sound like a wonderful person and a son that I would be so proud of. And as a human being I am proud of you without even knowing you personally. Hang in there. Maybe at some point you can move out and get a small apt somewhere with your brothre or even alone. Contact gay organizations in your community or cloe by if your town is that small and also on the internet. I just watched a absolutely beautiful movie called The Single Man about homosexual love and it was done so passionately and I mean that in an artistic sense. So beauftiful. I wish that you could watch it some time. It is on Demand on HBO but should be at your local rental store also. I will pray for you for that is all I can do at this point for I dont live near you to help personally. You can write me anytime at jomared1004@hotmail.com if you just need to talk with someone. I know what my daughter went thru when she came our at such an early age but that was 14 yrs ago. She now lives in a very small town and married an older woman who had been married with three grown children. And yes they received some raised eyebrows and my wonderful daughterinlaw was even fired from her job for being gay. They won a court case on that by the way. NOt a lot of money but what a victory. They dont have nay problems anymore in htat town. Thank God. There is a hope for a better day. Just believein yourself and your own goodness first and formost. Dont let anyone be a thief and rob you of that which is inyour heart and soul. Not even your parents. There is a bible verse that says Parents do not provoke your children to anger. I dont know exactly where that appears but if you use a concordance you can find it. Im sure your dad would know about that. So yu see that goes along with honoring ones parents. YOU are beautiful just asyu are and Jesus lives within you and that means you are His temple.
Wishing you love and peace,
Joanne
Sad day today. went to church to hear a former college football p layer who lost five of his seven family members in a drunk driving car accident. What i did not know is , the drunk driver was also a homosexual. So, the inspiration i expected to hear was soon changed to the usual sermon about abomination and so forth. My son was close to the last straw when he was fourteen, and i don’t know what he might have done if he had heard that message. To top it off , he was also speaking at our high school tonight. scary for some child who might be struggling with being gay. I was so upset that I came home and sent him an email hoping he might re-think his message. Would love to shout it to the rooftops here, but small towns can be viscous.
to whom it may concern:
I’m the mother of twin 17 y/o girls, one of which has stated she was gay. I found out accidently a year ago. I saw a series of romantic text messages from another female. To make things worse, my daughter allowed her father and I to believe that she and the young lady were just friends. I had been unknowingly taking my daughter to her ‘girlfriend’s house when they wanted to hang out. Though a year has past, my husband and I are still having a difficult time dealing with it. I have nothing against gays personally, however its a lifestyle I don’t understand! I’m ashamed, somewhat and embarrased. Im afraid for my daughter’s life. She’s African American, and in our community its frowned upon even more. i know its not fair for someone to not live their life freely, but i’ll be honest, I wish I didn’t know. I wish she kept that part of her life to herself. I know her dad and I would never stop loving her, but that’s a part of her life I don’t know if we will ever become comfortable with.
CHASE,
It’s a horrible situation you’ve been put in but it’s not your fault! Personally I think the “Christian” reasons for judging and discriminating against gay people are shaky at best, and what it says about lesbians is very low. I’m not Christian myself but my mother is and she’s the type who thinks it’s a silly interpretation.
Wasn’t the Virgin Mary 12? Killing heathens is fine. And slavery. Usury too. Rape not so bad. Stoning to death. Old Testament loves that stuff. What did JESUS say on homosexuality is what should matter the most, surely! And he said nothing about it. Please don’t feel that the religion-sexuality debate is strong, it’s a product of the time and will surely change again (it already is).
I can understand you want your family, but at the same time, value your friends. It’s nice to have a close family but you aren’t a failure without it, especially if they’re the ones pushing away.
CARMELLA ROSSINI,
That isn’t gay behaviour, that’s transgender! For some people it’s a stage, for some it’s not, and it has no real say on their sexuality. Some people never feel comfortable until they get a sex change operation, whereas some are happy to live life as the opposite without any surgery, and others still just like to have the choice there for them.
Might pass, might not; doesn’t say what gender their potential life partners will be when they want you to meet them. It’s a weird world but I’d say be open and caring and stress that the most important thing to you is their happiness and safety.
Being gay is being sexually attracted to someone of the same gender; there’s nothing else to it. I was always a tomboy and still am; in my childhood I always leant towards gaming, sports and dinosaurs to most any “little girl” stereotypes. Turned out straight though!
Check out this song about gay rights. It is amazingly beautiful!!
http://tinyurl.com/646naym Thanks
Hi Chase,
i have no experience with gay or bisexual people, and i do not know any. But I do know how i would feel if i told my parents that i was gay and they wanted to kill me. Be strong and believe in what you think is sensible.
Chase,
I too was searching for some positive support online today and found you. I am on your opposite end. I am the mother that your avoiding. I did the same thing to my son. It was just so disappointing(I know strong word) Its also a HUGE HUGE break in a “blind faith” religion. Not only do we feel sadness for our sons but so let down by a promise. Its been almost 3 years and I am the one doing the avoiding so he doesn’t tell me things that I don’t know how to deal with. I so love him but am having the hardest time dealing with this. I think its because all I (most people) can visualize is the “sex” in “homosexuality” and cannot get past that. I realize that I am his own worst enemy because of my narrowmindedness. I am working every minute of every day to see the world thru new eyes and trust my God for his universal plan which I agree, includes you and my son just the way you are. I am ashamed of my past judgement on all people and am humbled and thankful that I get to see past “normal” to unique and different. Your mom will have to feel all of this too. I wish I had another mother to grow with at the time, but I think God had his own plan about me trusting Him in all of this. I have found a faith more real and Love far above what I ever knew before for people. Feel free to contact me. Hugs
Marko and Stella,
I have an incredibly son that just shared with me 4 months ago. I have already found comfort reading these blogs. Jay Bakker, author of Fallen Grace, recently published, shares how few times Jesus speaks about homosexualilty. My son got alot of help from the book, so I immediately bought a copy. The end result, for the same question you had Stella. I have to trust God for my son, he has been a beliver for years, and continues to trust Jesus. Our love for him has only grown, couldn’t even imagine that. The lifestyle of a homosexual in the old testamtent, was a hater of God, very permiscuwist ?, and worshiped idols. That is not my son. I believe God is going to judge the lifestyle of each individual, how they loved, lived, and most importantly did they recognize and accept Jesus as Son of God, and receive the gift of salvation. I hope my words comforted you.
Marko- Thank you for the encouragement and respond you gave Stella. I am also going to receive it. _
Chase I can tell by reading your blog you are a good person.My son who is nineteen is a very good young man also.I will pray for you.My son also has a pre med back ground.He is going to be a doctor,very smart young man.I love him so much,always have ,I love him even more after coming out.You dont wake up one morning and say I am going to be gay knowing most people will not except you .I know he was born this way and I love him and so does God,after all God is the one who made his special soul and God does not make mistakes:)
Hi all,
My son, turning 13 just told me 2 days ago that he is gay. The news came hard. The first reaction I did was hug my son and told him it would be okay and that I will support him and my love for him as a mom has even grown stronger. He knew he was gay 2 years ago but didn’t know how to bring it up to me. I explained to him that this is the 21st century and things are different nowadays. However he preferred to first keep this within the family. I respected that since i beleive it is up to him when he wants to tell it to his friends/classmates. I asked though the reason why he prefers not to tell it yet outside the family? I just want to make sure that the reason is not because he’s afraid of the circumstances, because if that was the case, then I would have supported him how to deal with it. He assured me that that he just don’t feel the right time yet and besides it doesn’t really bother him yet that others don’t know. I respected that and told him it is his decision. But I must be honest, being a mom, it really hit me hard and I was crying most of the time since I heard it. I read from other blogs that it takes time for a parent to accept his child is a gay. I have made clear to my son that I will support him and my love will always be there. I told him as well, to also give me time to adjust to this new fact. That the main reason why I am still crying all the time is because of the fear as a mom, how to protect him. It really kills me that he has to cope up with lots of struggles and pain and challenges. I am brought up in a strict Catholic community but I am very broadminded. I’ve never allowed my religion interferes when my son told me he is gay. I love my son and will always support him. It is fear of the challenges that he will face that makes me so sad. Although I am confident that my son will learn to live/cope with it still it hurts me, as a mom, that my child has to undergo such pain and I couldn’t protect him. The world could be cruel and no parent would want his child gets hurt. All I could give is my support and love. BTW his dad doesn’t know it yet coz’ he works abroad and won’t be home ’till next week. But I know my husband, he is also very broadminded and just like me he will give his unconditional support and love to our son too. Our youngest daughter also accepts her brother for what he is. I guess as a parent the best way to cope up with this is to put things in perspective. At least that’s how I am doing it at this moment. No parent would want his/her child be unhappy. It is NOT a choice they make to be gay. And we all have to accept it. Of course it is hard for the parents. I am experiencing it now. But I will not forbid my son to do things the way it will be acceptable to the hetero society. It is his life and he is also human who needs happiness. A painful truth for parents but something we must learn to face, though it may take a while.
i dnt knw wht 2 say bt 4 me its hard sumtymz i fil lyk iam nt human it hurts a lot 2 knw tht ur parents hv great expectations of u, i fil so alne i jst nid 2 talk 2 pple who ar going the same thng ,cuz i knw tht my dad wnt understnd wht im going through u cn snd me an email at tsepho1@gmail.com or gv me a col on 076028559 tnx guys
I feel desperate, I found out about my son 5 years ago when he was 19 years…. It was a shock because we are also christian and I found out in the office of my Pastor’s wife…. She said he was abused when he was younger, not only that I wAs dealing with the fact that he was gay but also sexually abused. Abused by whom?…. My mind was in a fog, i did not hear her words anymore my mind was searching, who and when. I asked her who ans she did not tell me. As a child I was a victim myself of sexual abuse since I was probably 3 to 14 yrs.by a family member. So I was very careful with my two sons. I was very depressed and wAnted to commit suicide… I started drinking, later I found out he wAsn’t raped, I didn’t have to deal with that ( I still have my doubts) but I needed to deal with the fact that he waz gay and did not know how…. My love for him was not an issue if anything was bigger. I had to see his eyes full of fear and insecurities of how I was going to deal with it. And his father how i was going tk break the news to him… I did not tell him right away. My son wS a prayer warrior in our “mega church” he was a leader and soon to be a youth Pastor. That wAs the beginning. I hugged him, wanted to protect him from the pain he wS feeling of dealing with his feelings az a gay man, thinking tbat he let down God and his parents. Pls dont judge me. I love my son with all my heart but i dont know how to get close to him and we have been very close. He is cold with me now, he is pushing me away, all I hear are regrets. I never rejected him at least not consiously. I said to him lots of times, let me be part of your life, let me know your friends, help me understand. I let him kniw that God loves him no matter what. At the beginning he had a friend and he brought him to the house and he looked like a nice young man and we had dinner twice…. I tried very hard. I havent stop tryi g and today I feel so desperate that I decided to share this for thr first time. I talked about it with my hus and at the beginning he wanred to kill him but now we cry together cause we dont know what to do not to loose our son. I dont know anybody with a gay son that I can talk to. I like to get in contact with Denise Marvel and Trish… To the gay sons I can only tell you to help your parents, to talk to them, we all need help. More than the fact that my son is gay what hurts the most is that i am pushed away and when he gets dressed to go out I never know where he goes or whom he goes out with. May be I can hug his friends and it help ease this pain. They hurt so much and now my son is also hjrting and dont know how to handle this. I like to know how to get in touch with Denise M. And Trish. Thank you. To Chase and all the rest… God loves us no matter what…
chase
I really feel for you,I also know some what how your mother feels
I myself a mother of a son who I know is guy and I was very hard for me also to except.I denied it forever and then I would corner him and beg him to tell me if it was so even though I knew the answer.He is my only son and I feel like I have been ripped off in having a chance of having a daughter in law or becoming a grandparent,It kills me that because of his choice i will never be able to experience these relationships.It is very hard for a mother to accept that the family line or cycle “name” ends with him.My son has left me and I have not heard from him in almost 1 year ,I guess he was where you are now just wanting to get away…But remember it takes time to come to terms with this change in plans and dreams she had.I love my son and i told him i would not love him less.Often i felt this is a dream and im going to wake up and he will tell me he figured it out and he in not gay.
please be patient with your parents,these are very different times then when they grew up…You are loved ..but give them the time to adjust and im sure they will…they may never agree with it as i dont but my son has to live his life ,its not mine to live,,,,my arms are open to him ,I hope he will contact me sometime soon…I guess he needs his time away from me to
email me any time (lebonnatascha@hotmail.com)
Hello my name is Chris
i wanted from a long time to find the right words to explain to people but found it imposible cause most of them are still not very advanced baboons … so for all those who read this and find yourself a gay that have to deal with the red butt baboons from around u like me read what i say about me
1)i’ve never been straight, i always liked what girls liked and i acted like one and stuff, now i act like in between
2)i love my mother and father a lot and they love me so much
they dont care if i am gay or what i do in bed they said thats up to me they dont even feel like having a conversation with me about that because they love chris that chris they always loved
3) from what i know ‘we’ gay people we all wish we were born straight, we dont want to turn peole gay ( it is even so ridiculos wat these lunatic people can say about us) if u are gay u definitely were born gay and thats it u cant turn gay even if u worship budha u cant
4)i find religious people totally evil and because i know i was born gay and they so believe gay peopel choose to be gay which is not true and i know that because i am one of them i decided that god doesnt exist and religion is evil
5)i am hugely proud of me and love myself so if someone of u (the haters) dare to say something offensive to me i take what the hell i have in my hand and slash ur f-king ugly face
i always loved my parents above the ordinary straight guys did and me and my parents + friends + every member of my city and stuff we get along so well too well for u to come and tell me to kick your butt because u are not sexy +intelligent +creative + so many friends etc etc like me
as a gay i will always love intelligent people and all sorts of races and with a great fist i will defend all those bullied, raped, hated for being different, rockers, black people, poor people
i will be against violence and against everyone that use force (especially for the women that get beaten up by men, which i definitely cant stand and i have somethign to say about it) and i hope women will get more rights all around the world they still dont have as many as i wish them to have
i found women very tolerant with gays so i have nothing against them, the only ones that hate gays apperently are some straight men
hey chase and everyone else. I am a single mom with 3 sons i am shaken up my faith is questioned and everything i’ve ever been taught as a child is put to the test. my 11 year old thinks he’s gay . i am shocked terrified but loves him beyond death,i know i can get through this and won’t ever ostricise or ridicule my baby. yes i hoped for grand kids and the traditional male/female wedding but i also promised myself to put my childrens happiness first. i have cried about it constantly and i am sad and i also wish it’s a phase he’s going through and will recover from. but deep down inside i know i’m wrong. i read your story chase and i am gonna go home and hug my child and let him know how much i love him and i say this to you i am proud of you and stay true to who you are . my question is . How old do you have to be to be sure your gay?
I’m a guy and i’m gay and i find mostly all of this information inacurateand or completly sexist im not being mean i just don’t know how the parents came up with this and some people may not want to be gay i said SOME people not all i’m fine with being gay i’m proud except… i’m em, being gay and my family are the only things i’m proud of i really don’t like myself that much mainly because i thought i was transgender at birth but turns out im really gay. i dont know how this workes out all i nno gay steryotypes are realy stuipd what with the pink and the clothes and being like “women” and know ive just realized this is getting more and mmore sloopy as i go on about my stupid life my lord its just geting worse and worse well basicly im not liking my life at all but knowing me i dont want it to start turning up the people at my school call me “gay boy” and “emo b—-” its overall terrible they tease me about my long hair and call me a “man h—–” and i HATE it but one night i prayed to god “love instead of hapieness” and i want a lover someone who can take the pain with me but it appears to be too much to ask so my invisble friends(i call them “the nicest people not alive”) will have to do for now while i hate myself and cry to sleep.
Valuable information. Lucky me I found your website accidentally, and I am surprised why this twist of fate didn’t happened in advance! I bookmarked it.
I am so thankful I found your website. I hope you can help me with some advice… or maybe some encouragement or both. My son, who will be 15 in April, just told me Saturday that he is bi-sexual. I know this sounds wierd, but for a moment I felt such ‘relief.’ I knew my son had been unhappy for quite some time and having trouble at school and I never could get a ‘believable’ answer out of him when I would question his depression. I have never seen such anguish and pain on anyone’s face that I saw in him when he was telling me. He was crying so hard and seemed so ‘lost,’ and my heart was breaking for him. He told me that he has known for a year and a half and seriously considered suiciide at least three times if not more and that if it hadn’t been for a friend of his (who is a girl) that he would not be alive. I felt so much guilt, and still do, because I have ALWAYS told my children they could tell me anything and there was nothing that could ever cause me to stop loving them with all my heart until the day I die….and even afterwards. I am so sorry that he has gone through this unhappiness and confusion alone for so long.
He also told me that everyday at school (he is in the 9th grade in high school) he has to tolerate people calling him names like “gayboy,” “queer” “fagat”…. and well you know the list is neverending with ignorant people and especially kids at school… everytime he walks down the hall. It makes me so sad that I know he is going to have such a hard life and there is really nothing I can do to help him avoid it. He is such a wonderful, loving person but unfortunately most people won’t ever get to know that part of him because they will be so quick to judge. He has a sister who is 31 and a brother who is 25. I know they will both understand and love him just the same. My daughter has good friends that are gay. My husband (of only 2 years) on the otherhand, is a prejudice, judgmental person. I’m pretty sure that when he finds out I will have no choice to divorce him, which I would do in a heartbeat if he ever made my son feel less than the wonderful person he is. I feel alone now. I am experiencing what my younger son has been going through for the past year and a half with no one to talk to. I’m thinking that I really don’t need to discuss it with any of them right now. That maybe I should wait until my son is ready to tell them when he is older or ready. The only thing I care about is helping my son to have a happy life being just who he is, but I don’t know how. Can you please help me?
Diane
Chase, and all:
Most important–always love yourself, build and preserve your self-esteem. It takes time for parents to accept the declaration of their child’s sexual identity. You have lived with the hiding, the denial for years and then one day you tell them you’re gay. They can’t be expected to accept this shocking news in an instant.
Personally, I find that religious people give themselves over to God, as in not taking full responsibility for themselves. We are the captains of our own ships. I was raised Catholic and taught that God was all-loving and perfect, that he created humans in His likeness. I believe this to be true. I believe that we are spririts having human experiences, complete with trials, challenges and successes. I believe that humans are perfect and an expression of God’s/universal divinity. I am no longer a “good” Catholic because I don’t agree with the oppressive Churches teachings, or any other churches teachings of sin and damnation. Ironically, I feel that my beliefs are the true essence of what religions Should be conveying. There are no mistakes, each and every one of us make up the variegated fabric of our world. We are all perfect and divine, some of us just don’t know it.
Your heart is Divine, follow your heart. Have compassion for those who don’t understand your identity. There are ultimately only two emotions in our world–Love and Fear. All other emotions stem from these two. People who are cruel, derogatory and discriminatory act out of fear–have compassion for them because they can’t see their own divinity. They don’t know how to speak their divine truths.
My heart is with all of you who suffer. Look deeply into your hearts, listen to your own beliefs, go deeper into your hearts until the beliefs you state truly make your heart sing. That’s where you want to live.
Love,
Lisa