Comments on: My Daughter Is Gay And I Need Help http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help Help For Parents Of Gay Children Sat, 17 Jul 2010 12:22:22 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Sarah http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-7737 Sarah Sat, 17 Jul 2010 12:22:22 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-7737 I am writing through tears after reading these ltrs. My daughter is in a gay relationship (16 yrs old) for over a year now. She still tells me she is not gay, she just loves this person. I am trying to understand but feel that even if this person was not the same sex, I would not like her to be so obsessed with this one person at this age. My daughter is in counseling for alcohol abuse and the other girls has many many famils issues/problems. After much time trying to keep them apart, I have decided to "ride it out" and let her come over and let them spend time together. I am hoping they will get over eachother and move on at some point, but I cry every night. My daughter and I used to be so close but now I find she HATES me and says she hates our house. My husband cannot be around when this girls comes over, he makes himself scarce and I feel so alone. My mantra, is "Let go, let God" and I work out at the gym to relieve my stress in the hopes of being a better parent. I am so sad for all of you and I feel your pain and the feeling of a child dying (the death of a dream-the dreams for her future as a heterosexural-marriage, grandchildren, shared experiences, etc) I lost a baby girl at birth before I had this daughter and I am so scared of losing her too. I appreciate any insights. I love her so much. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I am writing through tears after reading these ltrs. My daughter is in a gay relationship (16 yrs old) for over a year now. She still tells me she is not gay, she just loves this person. I am trying to understand but feel that even if this person was not the same sex, I would not like her to be so obsessed with this one person at this age. My daughter is in counseling for alcohol abuse and the other girls has many many famils issues/problems. After much time trying to keep them apart, I have decided to “ride it out” and let her come over and let them spend time together. I am hoping they will get over eachother and move on at some point, but I cry every night. My daughter and I used to be so close but now I find she HATES me and says she hates our house. My husband cannot be around when this girls comes over, he makes himself scarce and I feel so alone. My mantra, is “Let go, let God” and I work out at the gym to relieve my stress in the hopes of being a better parent. I am so sad for all of you and I feel your pain and the feeling of a child dying (the death of a dream-the dreams for her future as a heterosexural-marriage, grandchildren, shared experiences, etc) I lost a baby girl at birth before I had this daughter and I am so scared of losing her too. I appreciate any insights. I love her so much. Thank you all for sharing your stories.

]]> By: Sweetgirl http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-6578 Sweetgirl Mon, 31 May 2010 07:15:00 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-6578 Reading these coments makes me sad but comferted. My friend who is like a sister to me resonly told me she is gay. She refuses to tell her parents and family. I'm sworn to secresy but I honestly feel wrong about keeping this from her parents Even though she is 18 and is an adult. I am 16 and very unsure of what to do. As parents please tell me if you would rather ur childs friend to tell you that your kid is gay and have them lose that friendship or keep the promise of secresy and let you find out on your own? My friend is afraid of being in trouble with her family she doesn't want them to be mad at her. I want what is best for her and I would want to do the right thing even if I have to sacredise our friendship I will if it was what's best for her because I love her. Reading these coments makes me sad but comferted. My friend who is like a sister to me resonly told me she is gay. She refuses to tell her parents and family. I’m sworn to secresy but I honestly feel wrong about keeping this from her parents Even though she is 18 and is an adult. I am 16 and very unsure of what to do. As parents please tell me if you would rather ur childs friend to tell you that your kid is gay and have them lose that friendship or keep the promise of secresy and let you find out on your own? My friend is afraid of being in trouble with her family she doesn’t want them to be mad at her. I want what is best for her and I would want to do the right thing even if I have to sacredise our friendship I will if it was what’s best for her because I love her.

]]> By: Jane http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-5819 Jane Thu, 01 Apr 2010 22:15:24 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-5819 Reading these comments Iam glad I am not alone. My daughter told me in September 2009 she is either bisexual or a lesbian although I had suspected things for several years. She was always different at school,lots of things made me think she was a lesbian but then she had boyfriends and eventually became engaged to one so I just thought maybe I was overreacting. However she brought a girl into the house with some friends and immediately I sensed something was wrong - all the family disliked her, she was definitely up to something, bring her to sleep in the same room etc. as boyfriend and eventually after some very difficult incidents we told her the friend was not welcome in the house, her fiancee hated the girl and to cut a long and extremely painful time short she split from the boyfriend on the pretence of his temper problems etc. she had always been very secretive and now she is seeing her. We are all devastated and I have told her if she had been open many years ago, we had always had a very good relationship, even one which some of my friends admired, but this counted for nothing even when I sometimes would ask her gently if she wanted to talk about anything etc. on numerous occasions. She deliberately cheated on a boyfriend who had not had a great time previously with family etc. and who thought the world of her,she should have split with him and been honest although now he tells me he knew all the time and has apologised to me for lying!! How sad this makes me feel, she cheated on him for two years like this and it was such a difficult time for myself, her father and younger sister. She realises now she should have been honest but now we cannot tolerate the girl at all and she has not been allowed into our home for 18 months and we have told her she never ever will be. Our daughter ranted and raved, basically because she has not got her own way, and we have told her that we have always welcomed friends etc. before and probably will with someone else but never with this girl. Just her name makes me feel sick - I have never hated anyone so much in all my life, my husband and I have rowed endlessly although we are better now, my younger daughter has nothing but contempt for her sister, my daughter does not want anyone to know "as it may not last!" I actually wish I had never had my daughter now, I never thought this would happen to us, she is successful academically but has always had problems socially and with friends. My husband and I have actually told each other we would like to tell her to clear off but know that is not the solution and we both admit we prefer it when she is not in the house, even her sister says this! she is still secretive but we always know when she is seeing her, paying for hotels to stay in, trips to other towns, probably where no one will recognise her! I have said be open and if you were happy with someone you would be proud to be seen with them and that in the end it always come out and someone will see you somewhere but still she creeps around. I have told her she will always be welcome at home, will always have a room (twice she has tried to move out with the girl!) and that many people have partners who their families don't like but I sometimes think where did this all go wrong, if I had my time now I would not have had her as the joy she should have brought us is ruined by what is happening and I just can't see any end to it all. I would be grateful for any advice or help from anyone Reading these comments Iam glad I am not alone. My daughter told me in September 2009 she is either bisexual or a lesbian although I had suspected things for several years. She was always different at school,lots of things made me think she was a lesbian but then she had boyfriends and eventually became engaged to one so I just thought maybe I was overreacting. However she brought a girl into the house with some friends and immediately I sensed something was wrong – all the family disliked her, she was definitely up to something, bring her to sleep in the same room etc. as boyfriend and eventually after some very difficult incidents we told her the friend was not welcome in the house, her fiancee hated the girl and to cut a long and extremely painful time short she split from the boyfriend on the pretence of his temper problems etc. she had always been very secretive and now she is seeing her. We are all devastated and I have told her if she had been open many years ago, we had always had a very good relationship, even one which some of my friends admired, but this counted for nothing even when I sometimes would ask her gently if she wanted to talk about anything etc. on numerous occasions. She deliberately cheated on a boyfriend who had not had a great time previously with family etc. and who thought the world of her,she should have split with him and been honest although now he tells me he knew all the time and has apologised to me for lying!! How sad this makes me feel, she cheated on him for two years like this and it was such a difficult time for myself, her father and younger sister. She realises now she should have been honest but now we cannot tolerate the girl at all and she has not been allowed into our home for 18 months and we have told her she never ever will be. Our daughter ranted and raved, basically because she has not got her own way, and we have told her that we have always welcomed friends etc. before and probably will with someone else but never with this girl. Just her name makes me feel sick – I have never hated anyone so much in all my life, my husband and I have rowed endlessly although we are better now, my younger daughter has nothing but contempt for her sister, my daughter does not want anyone to know “as it may not last!” I actually wish I had never had my daughter now, I never thought this would happen to us, she is successful academically but has always had problems socially and with friends. My husband and I have actually told each other we would like to tell her to clear off but know that is not the solution and we both admit we prefer it when she is not in the house, even her sister says this! she is still secretive but we always know when she is seeing her, paying for hotels to stay in, trips to other towns, probably where no one will recognise her! I have said be open and if you were happy with someone you would be proud to be seen with them and that in the end it always come out and someone will see you somewhere but still she creeps around. I have told her she will always be welcome at home, will always have a room (twice she has tried to move out with the girl!) and that many people have partners who their families don’t like but I sometimes think where did this all go wrong, if I had my time now I would not have had her as the joy she should have brought us is ruined by what is happening and I just can’t see any end to it all.
I would be grateful for any advice or help from anyone

]]> By: Yvonne http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-5759 Yvonne Sun, 28 Mar 2010 04:02:35 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-5759 I'm glad I came across this site. My daughter just told my husband and I that she was gay, that her entire life was a lie and that we should just accept it. I'm disappointed, hurt and very confused. I pray to God that she made the right decision and that it'll make her happy. It's nice to know that there are other mothers out there going through the same pain and anguishment. I love all of you. I’m glad I came across this site. My daughter just told my husband and I that she was gay, that her entire life was a lie and that we should just accept it. I’m disappointed, hurt and very confused.
I pray to God that she made the right decision and that it’ll make her happy. It’s nice to know that there are other mothers out there going through the same pain and anguishment. I love all of you.

]]> By: debbie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-5584 debbie Tue, 16 Mar 2010 01:49:30 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-5584 hi i too had my suspicions of my daughter of being gay or bisexual or whatever they come up with now....and i really dont care what sexuality she chooses what i do care about is my grandson he is my heart, my daughter left her son father when he was 6m they lived w/me for 3 1/2yrs she did not have a job i took on the two of them out of love, loyalty to my daughter and grandson and wanted to give her some time to go on w/her life after f nut i call him,,,my daughter told me terrible things he did emotionally, mentally, spiritually i cried w/her hugged her and said she will be ok so i thought giving her a year she would get back on her feet and try she didnt she became disrespectful, untrustworthy, mean spirited, child unlike the girl i raised sudddenly i did not know who she was we use to talk 2/3 times a day not just as mom/daughter but friends she knew what line not to cross w/me as a mother....well anyways her behavior was way out of line she used drugs, alcohol, stayed out til am hrs and i mean i had to go to work by 7 and i am calling around so my grandson would not be alone few times i ended up bringing him w/me to work God how emabarassing she did not care....so w/my suspicion I did ask my daugher are you gay her response was a disgusting look and walked away from me well she finally got a full time job 3yrs ago and i gave her 1m to find her own place she was pysst as for my grandson i prayed every nite for his safety health everything and cried to sleep as my daughter uses my grandson who him and i have a bond so close its like she is jealous and for god sake i pretty much took care of him till i asked her to leave she is so mean she really is a terrible screamer vengenful person she uses my grandson as punishment to me i have gone from every day to seeing him and him me to the most 3/4 times a month to every other month of seeing him it kills me and i know it does him....last june she confirmed of her lesbianism only as i was invited over to her partners home i asked she never offered me any info, i asked what her last name is not my business why u want to know, i ask how she is w/my grandson she says fine, this woman is 15yrs older my daughters ex was 12y older and both tell her what to do like im the one getting the punishment for her decision of her life, she was never abused by me i was single divorced worked hard treated her w/respect and her me but now I DO HATE THIS CHILD I BORN...she is not the same, they always do holidays at her partners they visit her partners parents as her partner is close w/family they invite friends family of my daughter partner over many times thru summer me 2x and i am told my daughter has issues w/me yet when i ask what they are she says she doesnt want to argue ....i hate this woman she has become i try so hard to remeber the daughter i raised and had a relationship with til her age of 28 she is now 32 and God i cant handle it my grandson is going thru terrible times of trouble and he is only 6 she talks more w/the abusing ex also alleged child molestation of my grandson then me ...........tell me how not to judge cuz i never was a judgmental person now i am so becoming angrier every day and hate and believe it or not I hate me for that I lost faith and this whole bs is killing me.......... hi

i too had my suspicions of my daughter of being gay or bisexual or whatever they come up with now….and i really dont care what sexuality she chooses what i do care about is my grandson he is my heart, my daughter left her son father when he was 6m they lived w/me for 3 1/2yrs she did not have a job i took on the two of them out of love, loyalty to my daughter and grandson and wanted to give her some time to go on w/her life after f nut i call him,,,my daughter told me terrible things he did emotionally, mentally, spiritually i cried w/her hugged her and said she will be ok so i thought giving her a year she would get back on her feet and try she didnt she became disrespectful, untrustworthy, mean spirited, child unlike the girl i raised sudddenly i did not know who she was we use to talk 2/3 times a day not just as mom/daughter but friends she knew what line not to cross w/me as a mother….well anyways her behavior was way out of line she used drugs, alcohol, stayed out til am hrs and i mean i had to go to work by 7 and i am calling around so my grandson would not be alone few times i ended up bringing him w/me to work God how emabarassing she did not care….so w/my suspicion I did ask my daugher are you gay her response was a disgusting look and walked away from me well she finally got a full time job 3yrs ago and i gave her 1m to find her own place she was pysst as for my grandson i prayed every nite for his safety health everything and cried to sleep as my daughter uses my grandson who him and i have a bond so close its like she is jealous and for god sake i pretty much took care of him till i asked her to leave she is so mean she really is a terrible screamer vengenful person she uses my grandson as punishment to me i have gone from every day to seeing him and him me to the most 3/4 times a month to every other month of seeing him it kills me and i know it does him….last june she confirmed of her lesbianism only as i was invited over to her partners home i asked she never offered me any info, i asked what her last name is not my business why u want to know, i ask how she is w/my grandson she says fine, this woman is 15yrs older my daughters ex was 12y older and both tell her what to do like im the one getting the punishment for her decision of her life, she was never abused by me i was single divorced worked hard treated her w/respect and her me but now I DO HATE THIS CHILD I BORN…she is not the same, they always do holidays at her partners they visit her partners parents as her partner is close w/family they invite friends family of my daughter partner over many times thru summer me 2x and i am told my daughter has issues w/me yet when i ask what they are she says she doesnt want to argue ….i hate this woman she has become i try so hard to remeber the daughter i raised and had a relationship with til her age of 28 she is now 32 and God i cant handle it my grandson is going thru terrible times of trouble and he is only 6 she talks more w/the abusing ex also alleged child molestation of my grandson then me ………..tell me how not to judge cuz i never was a judgmental person now i am so becoming angrier every day and hate and believe it or not I hate me for that I lost faith and this whole bs is killing me……….

]]> By: austin http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-5567 austin Mon, 15 Mar 2010 06:25:21 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-5567 Debbie, I'm sorry to hear about your painful situation. I hope my words can help you: My mother has always known about my sexual orientaion but never knew until recently my gender identity. I always felt that i had to hide my true self, especially from her. i don't know why. I began to reject my mother in my mind when she separated from my father to seek out true happiness in romance and i moved out at 17 and cut off contact with her. I felt like she had abandoned me or knew my secret and wasnt happy with who i was and needed someone else, some real man to make her life happy. My deeply caring and affectionate mother had no idea i felt this way. All she knew was that i was severely depressed most of the time and often angry with her or the world and blaming her for my depression. so many words i wish i could take back. we are going to counselling together now and healing one step at a time. Debbie,
I’m sorry to hear about your painful situation. I hope my words can help you:
My mother has always known about my sexual orientaion but never knew until recently my gender identity. I always felt that i had to hide my true self, especially from her. i don’t know why. I began to reject my mother in my mind when she separated from my father to seek out true happiness in romance and i moved out at 17 and cut off contact with her. I felt like she had abandoned me or knew my secret and wasnt happy with who i was and needed someone else, some real man to make her life happy. My deeply caring and affectionate mother had no idea i felt this way. All she knew was that i was severely depressed most of the time and often angry with her or the world and blaming her for my depression. so many words i wish i could take back. we are going to counselling together now and healing one step at a time.

]]> By: Linda http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-5565 Linda Sun, 14 Mar 2010 20:44:59 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-5565 Never been very involved with organized religion but believe me, I AM praying for all of us....and hope the anguish we are feeling today eases tomorrow. To Deb, Keep trying, maybe send your daughter a link to this site? Or PFLAG? Hugs Never been very involved with organized religion but believe me, I AM praying for all of us….and hope the anguish we are feeling today eases tomorrow.

To Deb, Keep trying, maybe send your daughter a link to this site? Or PFLAG? Hugs

]]> By: Sherrie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-5554 Sherrie Sun, 14 Mar 2010 03:34:36 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-5554 Brandy, thanks for your response. I don't know what to do. Do I wait until she contacts me, or do I start e-mailing her again, and or sending her/them cards every so often? Your response was encouraging. God Bless! Brandy, thanks for your response. I don’t know what to do. Do I wait until she contacts me, or do I start e-mailing her again, and or sending her/them cards every so often? Your response was encouraging.
God Bless!

]]> By: Brandy Black http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-5503 Brandy Black Wed, 10 Mar 2010 04:42:02 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-5503 Speaking as a daughter who is gay and got amazing support from her mom- i just want to tell you that it is hard to come out and expose that side of yourself to your parents for fear that they won't love and accept you anymore- it's terrifying so as hard as it is for you, it's even harder for your child and what they want more than anything is for you to love them and help them through one of the hardest times in their lives, so try to remember that you are still the parent and your love means the most to your child, hang in there and keep trying. Speaking as a daughter who is gay and got amazing support from her mom- i just want to tell you that it is hard to come out and expose that side of yourself to your parents for fear that they won’t love and accept you anymore- it’s terrifying so as hard as it is for you, it’s even harder for your child and what they want more than anything is for you to love them and help them through one of the hardest times in their lives, so try to remember that you are still the parent and your love means the most to your child, hang in there and keep trying.

]]> By: Sherrie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/my-daughter-is-gay-and-i-need-help/comment-page-1#comment-5314 Sherrie Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:33:36 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=41#comment-5314 Wow, My daughter has divorced me as of 2years & 4months ago. It almost seems like a craze or something after reading theses blogs. I too thought I was a bad mother. What in the world did I do. Before my daughter met her partner, we were so close. We were best of friends. When she was 25 she met her partner. After that she and her partner were short with me, criticized me, and it was like begging them to make time to see me. Then out of the blue my daughter calls me and tells me that she has a new life now. Her partner has two mothers and a big family, so she doesn't need me in her life. She changed her phone and doesn't answer her e-mail. I have sent cards with checks, and the checks are never cashed. She told me she is happier now than she ever has been in her life and she wants nothing to do with me. I don't think it would hurt anymore if I was stabbed in the heart with a knife and turn it. I am praying for all you bloggers. Please pray for me! Thanks and God Bless You All! Wow, My daughter has divorced me as of 2years & 4months ago. It almost seems like a craze or something after reading theses blogs. I too thought I was a bad mother. What in the world did I do. Before my daughter met her partner, we were so close. We were best of friends. When she was 25 she met her partner. After that she and her partner were short with me, criticized me, and it was like begging them to make time to see me. Then out of the blue my daughter calls me and tells me that she has a new life now. Her partner has two mothers and a big family, so she doesn’t need me in her life. She changed her phone and doesn’t answer her e-mail. I have sent cards with checks, and the checks are never cashed. She told me she is happier now than she ever has been in her life and she wants nothing to do with me. I don’t think it would hurt anymore if I was stabbed in the heart with a knife and turn it.
I am praying for all you bloggers. Please pray for me!
Thanks and God Bless You All!

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