Comments on: Mums Concern For Gay Daughter http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter Help For Parents Of Gay Children Sat, 17 Jul 2010 12:22:22 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: momtryingtoaccept http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-7139 momtryingtoaccept Thu, 24 Jun 2010 03:01:47 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-7139 Good Question How do you know if someone is Gay? My now 19 year old daughter told me during her Christmas break from college during her freshman year. Her first girlfriend was very overbearing and jealous. I am still trying to accept this whole gay thing do you just decide during college that you are gay.... if you are not sure does being in a relationship with a long time lesbian change you kinda like being around someone who smokes when you don't then you start cause they are doing it and then it gets you hooked.....so many questions my daughter and I still have a fairly open relationship even though at times I still want to crawl in a hole or commit suicide. I realize that the last statement makes it (all about me) so am I a bad mom for feeling that way..... am I bad for hoping and praying for both my acceptance and or her changing.....we were so close and this happened when the empty nest was setting in for me. I have tried to look at her relationship like I would if it was a man the most recent (friend) has no job no car no place of her own, and no plans for the future. My child has decided to move in with her until she goes to college this fall I told her that I would not allow her to spend the night with a boyfriend while she was living with me and I would not let her spend the night with a girlfriend either she will be 21 in Sept I could take away the car and force her to stay here but I don't see that solving anything. She thinks I am being mean because she is seeing a girl but I think she is just trying to make me feel bad. anyway it has been good for me to read the comments on this site I have never done this before but my Dr. recommended it because I was having some health issues that are stress related I do feel somewhat better and I am going to try very hard to Love and accept her for the beautiful child she is and will be and try to keep the (ME ME ME) out of the picture Good Question How do you know if someone is Gay? My now 19 year old daughter told me during her Christmas break from college during her freshman year. Her first girlfriend was very overbearing and jealous. I am still trying to accept this whole gay thing do you just decide during college that you are gay…. if you are not sure does being in a relationship with a long time lesbian change you kinda like being around someone who smokes when you don’t then you start cause they are doing it and then it gets you hooked…..so many questions my daughter and I still have a fairly open relationship even though at times I still want to crawl in a hole or commit suicide. I realize that the last statement makes it (all about me) so am I a bad mom for feeling that way….. am I bad for hoping and praying for both my acceptance and or her changing…..we were so close and this happened when the empty nest was setting in for me. I have tried to look at her relationship like I would if it was a man the most recent (friend) has no job no car no place of her own, and no plans for the future. My child has decided to move in with her until she goes to college this fall I told her that I would not allow her to spend the night with a boyfriend while she was living with me and I would not let her spend the night with a girlfriend either she will be 21 in Sept I could take away the car and force her to stay here but I don’t see that solving anything. She thinks I am being mean because she is seeing a girl but I think she is just trying to make me feel bad. anyway it has been good for me to read the comments on this site I have never done this before but my Dr. recommended it because I was having some health issues that are stress related I do feel somewhat better and I am going to try very hard to Love and accept her for the beautiful child she is and will be and try to keep the (ME ME ME) out of the picture

]]> By: nancy smith http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-6692 nancy smith Sun, 06 Jun 2010 17:57:29 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-6692 I'm confused! I found out my beautiful 19 year daughter had a girlfriend(very controlling girl) in September. Well...her friend broke up with her back in February and now she tell everyone about the boys she is talking to. She even points guys out and says "he's hot". I can't help but wonder if she is doing that for my sake and just making up stories about boys thinking it will make me happy. Don't shoot me! i don't want her to date girls but I have told her it's life and if that's what she wants, it's her decision and we will love her no matter what. All her friends and family said she going through a phaze and everyone was as shocked as me when they found out she had a girlfriend. Now they believe she is straight again. I'm not so sure. How do you know for sure if someone is "gay"? I’m confused! I found out my beautiful 19 year daughter had a girlfriend(very controlling girl) in September. Well…her friend broke up with her back in February and now she tell everyone about the boys she is talking to. She even points guys out and says “he’s hot”. I can’t help but wonder if she is doing that for my sake and just making up stories about boys thinking it will make me happy. Don’t shoot me! i don’t want her to date girls but I have told her it’s life and if that’s what she wants, it’s her decision and we will love her no matter what.
All her friends and family said she going through a phaze and everyone was as shocked as me when they found out she had a girlfriend. Now they believe she is straight again. I’m not so sure.
How do you know for sure if someone is “gay”?

]]> By: Miserable! http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-6375 Miserable! Wed, 19 May 2010 19:41:31 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-6375 Pamelou that is so sad as you can accept your son, we cannot accept our daughter and don't think we ever will. We have a really strange relationship now, she is so stroppy and to be honest every day the gap seems to widen between us; I feel I have absolutely nothing whatsoever in common with her any longer, she speaks to us like we are retards and the only consolation of all this is that I am now so hardened to her that I actually prefer it when she is out of the house and will be glad when she leaves home. I used to cry all the time about the situation but now wish to god i never had had her, she is so difficult and judgemental that I know her father and I are to become parents that don't really see their children or have anything in common with them any longer. She has just changed so much it is unbelieveable, I am just glad we had another daughter. Why do they become so strange, she talks utter rubbish half the time!! her sisters friends think her strange too so it is not use us! One minute she is moving out, the next she is staying here at home, she flits between girls, even her heterosexual friends can't believe what going on as it changes all the time. I can really understand now how people can just vanish and disappear as my husband and I feel that we could too now! I honestly feel I would be happier if I never saw her again! i do not want to meet any of the girls she meets and could have not believed that my life would turn out like this - what a bloody waste of time having kids was. My poor husband has aged 15 years, he is a good kind man and we didn't deserve this, I never even particuarly wanted grandchildren and now after all this definitely don't, our own daughter has been enough bloody hassle, certainly don't want to repeat all this. Pamelou that is so sad as you can accept your son, we cannot accept our daughter and don’t think we ever will. We have a really strange relationship now, she is so stroppy and to be honest every day the gap seems to widen between us; I feel I have absolutely nothing whatsoever in common with her any longer, she speaks to us like we are retards and the only consolation of all this is that I am now so hardened to her that I actually prefer it when she is out of the house and will be glad when she leaves home. I used to cry all the time about the situation but now wish to god i never had had her, she is so difficult and judgemental that I know her father and I are to become parents that don’t really see their children or have anything in common with them any longer. She has just changed so much it is unbelieveable, I am just glad we had another daughter. Why do they become so strange, she talks utter rubbish half the time!! her sisters friends think her strange too so it is not use us! One minute she is moving out, the next she is staying here at home, she flits between girls, even her heterosexual friends can’t believe what going on as it changes all the time. I can really understand now how people can just vanish and disappear as my husband and I feel that we could too now! I honestly feel I would be happier if I never saw her again! i do not want to meet any of the girls she meets and could have not believed that my life would turn out like this – what a bloody waste of time having kids was. My poor husband has aged 15 years, he is a good kind man and we didn’t deserve this, I never even particuarly wanted grandchildren and now after all this definitely don’t, our own daughter has been enough bloody hassle, certainly don’t want to repeat all this.

]]> By: pamelou http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-5921 pamelou Sun, 11 Apr 2010 02:57:41 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-5921 My son told me he was gay shortly after his 17th birthday. While I suspected he was having trouble with something, I never thought it was regarding his sexual identity. My son has been "the ladies man" for many years, with lots of young ladies on his arm. For years he told me he wanted to save his virginity for that special person,and surprise it was a guy. I know he felt a huge sense of relief since coming out, but since then it has been nothing but downhill between us. At first I was shocked, devastated,& deeply hurt that he hid it from me while he was secretly acting out.Then I came to understand that he was trying to come to terms with it himself before he could tell me. The one thing I have noticed is that unless you are a parent, or family member of a gay or lesbian child, forget people who aren't, to understand or relate to you. They can't identify with how you, or your child feels and more often than not say stupid, uncaring, flippant things that only make matters worse. I spent a few weeks getting over my own ego about how my son's life should be and then I jumped in to support him whole heartedly. Then his boyfriend got between us, the young man has had 4 years of rejection from his family and is not very healthy as a result. I tried my hardest to let him know i was there for him as well, but over the months he has done nothing but bring drama and chaos into my life. I hooked up with my local PFLAG chapter to find support and understanding for myself and to stay strong and focused for the two of them. Two weeks ago my son ran away and moved in with the boyfriend. Both of them have cut off all contact from me. This is one of the hardest journeys I have been on. He has gone from being a sensitive, kind, decent, compassionate fellow, with only 2 months left before graduation, to a verbally abusive, inconsiderate, school skipping, screw University,I'll do what I want, putting down his straight friends, little jerk, who does not want my love,support, or understanding. I personally can't figure it out, why would he choose this path. There are many hurting young gay and lesbian youth who would love to have the support and love from their parents and yet my beautiful son whom I love deeply has chosen to reject me. Perhaps this is a "phase" and he will need time to learn more about himself and his new lifestyle, but as a parent I have to realize this is not about me....but rather his own immaturity, rebellion and self righteous attitude(and hormones) taking him for a ride. Will I give up on my son? NEVER!!!! I will wait for the day when we can again come together in love, respect, and acceptance of each other. Until that time comes I will work on myself, be there for other parents in my situation and learn what I can about this new chapter in my life. Please ALL.... hang in there...YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE....We just need to stay connected. My son told me he was gay shortly after his 17th birthday. While I suspected he was having trouble with something, I never thought it was regarding his sexual identity. My son has been “the ladies man” for many years, with lots of young ladies on his arm. For years he told me he wanted to save his virginity for that special person,and surprise it was a guy. I know he felt a huge sense of relief since coming out, but since then it has been nothing but downhill between us. At first I was shocked, devastated,& deeply hurt that he hid it from me while he was secretly acting out.Then I came to understand that he was trying to come to terms with it himself before he could tell me. The one thing I have noticed is that unless you are a parent, or family member of a gay or lesbian child, forget people who aren’t, to understand or relate to you. They can’t identify with how you, or your child feels and more often than not say stupid, uncaring, flippant things that only make matters worse. I spent a few weeks getting over my own ego about how my son’s life should be and then I jumped in to support him whole heartedly. Then his boyfriend got between us, the young man has had 4 years of rejection from his family and is not very healthy as a result. I tried my hardest to let him know i was there for him as well, but over the months he has done nothing but bring drama and chaos into my life. I hooked up with my local PFLAG chapter to find support and understanding for myself and to stay strong and focused for the two of them. Two weeks ago my son ran away and moved in with the boyfriend. Both of them have cut off all contact from me. This is one of the hardest journeys I have been on. He has gone from being a sensitive, kind, decent, compassionate fellow, with only 2 months left before graduation, to a verbally abusive, inconsiderate, school skipping, screw University,I’ll do what I want, putting down his straight friends, little jerk, who does not want my love,support, or understanding. I personally can’t figure it out, why would he choose this path. There are many hurting young gay and lesbian youth who would love to have the support and love from their parents and yet my beautiful son whom I love deeply has chosen to reject me. Perhaps this is a “phase” and he will need time to learn more about himself and his new lifestyle, but as a parent I have to realize this is not about me….but rather his own immaturity, rebellion and self righteous attitude(and hormones) taking him for a ride. Will I give up on my son? NEVER!!!! I will wait for the day when we can again come together in love, respect, and acceptance of each other. Until that time comes I will work on myself, be there for other parents in my situation and learn what I can about this new chapter in my life. Please ALL…. hang in there…YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE….We just need to stay connected.

]]> By: Deb http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-5906 Deb Thu, 08 Apr 2010 19:01:51 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-5906 Last night via text messaging my 17 yr old son came out to me that he was gay (he could not do it in person). I did not see this one coming and I am really having a hard time dealing with this. I love my son to death and that will never change. I feel the need to protect him as I have seen in the news how gay children (especially in HS) can be treated. His coming out has been emotionally hard for me. I spent last night tears and I will even admit I was physically ill. I am as of now the only one who knows and its really torn me up inside. My husband will not be accepting and since my marriage is not the best now I know this will be the end of it. My family is very religious and from past discussions they feel that gays can be cured, I however have never felt this. I am educated enough to know this is not a choice that they make. I have 3 children and he is my oldest. I don't think my youngest will have a problem with my oldest being gay except for the shock but I know my middle one will. My middle child is very much like his father. I love my oldest and like I said I will NEVER turn my back on him but I am just not dealing with this well. I accept him for being gay but I know this will cause the end of my marriage and a split of my family. I'm sorry if I am rambling but I just needed to talk and right now I feel that I have no one. Please if anyone has any advise. A heart broken mom Last night via text messaging my 17 yr old son came out to me that he was gay (he could not do it in person). I did not see this one coming and I am really having a hard time dealing with this. I love my son to death and that will never change. I feel the need to protect him as I have seen in the news how gay children (especially in HS) can be treated. His coming out has been emotionally hard for me. I spent last night tears and I will even admit I was physically ill. I am as of now the only one who knows and its really torn me up inside. My husband will not be accepting and since my marriage is not the best now I know this will be the end of it. My family is very religious and from past discussions they feel that gays can be cured, I however have never felt this. I am educated enough to know this is not a choice that they make. I have 3 children and he is my oldest. I don’t think my youngest will have a problem with my oldest being gay except for the shock but I know my middle one will. My middle child is very much like his father. I love my oldest and like I said I will NEVER turn my back on him but I am just not dealing with this well. I accept him for being gay but I know this will cause the end of my marriage and a split of my family. I’m sorry if I am rambling but I just needed to talk and right now I feel that I have no one. Please if anyone has any advise.
A heart broken mom

]]> By: Brandy Black http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-5732 Brandy Black Fri, 26 Mar 2010 04:56:34 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-5732 This is really a great resource, I'm so happy that it's here for parents of gay children, I know it's tough on all parents but the outcome of acceptance an being an incredible thing. Thanks. This is really a great resource, I’m so happy that it’s here for parents of gay children, I know it’s tough on all parents but the outcome of acceptance an being an incredible thing. Thanks.

]]> By: Linda http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-5563 Linda Sun, 14 Mar 2010 20:18:02 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-5563 Dear Los Angeles teen therapist I am glad you are there for our kids, but dont presume to understand the pain we parents are going through Dear Los Angeles teen therapist
I am glad you are there for our kids, but dont presume to understand the pain we parents are going through

]]> By: cheryl http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-5543 cheryl Sat, 13 Mar 2010 13:26:19 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-5543 hello my name is cheryl, and i have a son who is 20 and i knew he was gay since 12 and we dont have a relationship at all because you were not made this way and i want nothing to do with him, and now my 16 year old son is lookjing on the gay site trying to figure things out and now i have disowned him to. i will not accept children like this because you expect your children to grow up go to college get married and have children and they wont and for some reason they decided to one day it's not fair for that woman and that they will be bring into the world. help me to understand to to one day care for my son, because as of this point i dont care if he live or die, if he died i think i will be happy cause i wont have to deal with the gay life anymore, it's sad to say but thats how i feel. plkease help me to understand. hello my name is cheryl, and i have a son who is 20 and i knew he was gay since 12 and we dont have a relationship at all because you were not made this way and i want nothing to do with him, and now my 16 year old son is lookjing on the gay site trying to figure things out and now i have disowned him to. i will not accept children like this because you expect your children to grow up go to college get married and have children and they wont and for some reason they decided to one day it’s not fair for that woman and that they will be bring into the world. help me to understand to to one day care for my son, because as of this point i dont care if he live or die, if he died i think i will be happy cause i wont have to deal with the gay life anymore, it’s sad to say but thats how i feel. plkease help me to understand.

]]> By: martin http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-5394 martin Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:38:36 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-5394 Mary, we could be friends. My 13 year old daughter loves boys, but she also loves girls. I've come to terms with the fact that she sees boys and girls in the same light, sexually and romantically. She has dated both. If you want to contact me, I'd love to talk to you. You can find me at mtlarue@yahoo.com I'm not worried, by the way. She's wonderful and I think her differences define her. She's totally neat. Mary, we could be friends. My 13 year old daughter loves boys, but she also loves girls. I’ve come to terms with the fact that she sees boys and girls in the same light, sexually and romantically.

She has dated both.

If you want to contact me, I’d love to talk to you.

You can find me at mtlarue@yahoo.com

I’m not worried, by the way. She’s wonderful and I think her differences define her. She’s totally neat.

]]> By: Mary http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-5261 Mary Wed, 17 Feb 2010 19:43:59 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-5261 I couldn't figure out how to post a new thread. I have a 13 year old daughter who has labeled herself as bisexual and is having a relationship with another 13 year old girl. How do I start a new thread? I'm really lost and confused and I don't know what to say or do.... I've been aimlessly searching the internet for some help all day. I couldn’t figure out how to post a new thread. I have a 13 year old daughter who has labeled herself as bisexual and is having a relationship with another 13 year old girl. How do I start a new thread? I’m really lost and confused and I don’t know what to say or do…. I’ve been aimlessly searching the internet for some help all day.

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