Comments on: Mums Concern For Gay Daughter http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter Help For Parents Of Gay Children Sat, 10 Dec 2011 03:33:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.3 By: Wesley Davidson http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-61872 Wesley Davidson Sat, 26 Nov 2011 02:08:47 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-61872 I am the straight parent of an adult gay male who has worked through many issues to gain total acceptance of my son's sexual identity. I speak about these issues in my blog: http: straightparentgaykid.blogspot.com. I've been there and as a mother, know what you are experiencing. My blog offers advice. I am the straight parent of an adult gay male who has worked through many issues to gain total acceptance of my son’s sexual identity. I speak about these issues in my blog: http: straightparentgaykid.blogspot.com. I’ve been there and as a mother, know what you are experiencing. My blog offers advice.

]]> By: Dorotha http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-60539 Dorotha Fri, 18 Nov 2011 02:23:58 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-60539 Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your website is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you have on this blog. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for more articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched everywhere and just couldn't come across. What a perfect site. Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your website is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you have on this blog. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for more articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched everywhere and just couldn’t come across. What a perfect site.

]]> By: Melanie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-57485 Melanie Fri, 14 Oct 2011 03:44:25 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-57485 To Confused......when did you send me your email? I wrote this about 6 months ago and want to encourage you all that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel!! I have not fully accepted my daughter's sexuality 100%. But I no longer feel so sick that I feel I cannot go on. My daughter is still with her girlfriend and is HAPPY. I have come to realize that this is what every parent wants for their children. This was not what I expected or planned for my daughter. But if this is who she really is.....I cannot change her. It's not my place to tell my daughter who to love, whether it be a man or woman. So while I am not in full acceptance, I AM in tolerance. My daughter continues to be the person I raised, and the only thing that has changed is her love for someone unexpected. I am still very proud of her and love being with her. These past 6 months were very difficult, I am not going to lie. But time does settle you into what I would call the "new normal". Struggling......but feeling better!!! To Confused……when did you send me your email? I wrote this about 6 months ago and want to encourage you all that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel!! I have not fully accepted my daughter’s sexuality 100%. But I no longer feel so sick that I feel I cannot go on. My daughter is still with her girlfriend and is HAPPY. I have come to realize that this is what every parent wants for their children. This was not what I expected or planned for my daughter. But if this is who she really is…..I cannot change her. It’s not my place to tell my daughter who to love, whether it be a man or woman. So while I am not in full acceptance, I AM in tolerance. My daughter continues to be the person I raised, and the only thing that has changed is her love for someone unexpected. I am still very proud of her and love being with her. These past 6 months were very difficult, I am not going to lie. But time does settle you into what I would call the “new normal”. Struggling……but feeling better!!!

]]> By: JJJ http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-32254 JJJ Thu, 11 Aug 2011 17:58:27 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-32254 My daughter is living with a roommate for who knows how long. They both are good decent working girls. Their relationship was too close for been only roommate,but everyone of them had their own room, so even that my heart was telling me that they were partners, inside me I was denying it. This week she call me and talk me that she is in love with her roommate, even that I knew, now I am sure and I am very upset. I told her that she has my blessings, but I am also wonder if it is my fault, since I never had a good relationship with her father or my actual husband. I am wondering if it makes her hate men. Even, that I love her with all my heart, this all deal is stressing me out. I will love to be able to deal with this normally like if her partner were a guy. I want her to be happy more than anything else. My daughter is living with a roommate for who knows how long. They both are good decent working girls. Their relationship was too close for been only roommate,but everyone of them had their own room, so even that my heart was telling me that they were partners, inside me I was denying it.
This week she call me and talk me that she is in love with her roommate, even that I knew, now I am sure and I am very upset. I told her that she has my blessings, but I am also wonder if it is my fault, since I never had a good relationship with her father or my actual husband. I am wondering if it makes her hate men.
Even, that I love her with all my heart, this all deal is stressing me out.
I will love to be able to deal with this normally like if her partner were a guy.
I want her to be happy more than anything else.

]]> By: cajj http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-24153 cajj Tue, 31 May 2011 03:47:58 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-24153 My daughter came out to me a few months ago and I must say that I am not dealing with it very well at all...I feel like oh when she was little maybe I shouldnt have let her play all the sports and never hardly wore dresses I shouldnt have said oh she's my little tomboy..did I do this??????? It's also hard because I wonder over and over is this my fault..and how long has she been feeling like this..I asked and she said since 8th grade and she is now 21..so I feel bad that she has been dealing with all this in her head since about 14 years old...I pray for her and will support her 100% it's just taking time...I have this feeling that she is living a double life My daughter came out to me a few months ago and I must say that I am not dealing with it very well at all…I feel like oh when she was little maybe I shouldnt have let her play all the sports and never hardly wore dresses I shouldnt have said oh she’s my little tomboy..did I do this??????? It’s also hard because I wonder over and over is this my fault..and how long has she been feeling like this..I asked and she said since 8th grade and she is now 21..so I feel bad that she has been dealing with all this in her head since about 14 years old…I pray for her and will support her 100% it’s just taking time…I have this feeling that she is living a double life

]]> By: Clair http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-23834 Clair Thu, 26 May 2011 13:16:12 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-23834 As a LONG time supporter of gay rights I find that I am in a strange position. My husband & I have always had open discussions with our daughter about our feelings on this subject. For years we have suspected that our daughter might not be heterosexual. She has recently "come out" (bisexual) to us and I am surprised how I feel. I love her, I support her,I am not disappointed (I think) but I feel sad. This is a feeling I did not expect! I know I am worried about how other people will treat her once they find out - it seems it will always be struggle. She is 14. One of the reasons she says she did not tell us earlier was that she was afraid we would not let her have friends over (friends meaning non-romantic)-no hanging out in her room w/door closed while they listen to music,chat and all the things teen friends do and then there is the question of sleep overs. My question is How do I handle those situations? If we knew she was heterosexual we would not allow a boy in her room with the door closed nor would we allow a sleep over. So with her recent admission the logic follows that we would not allow girls either...I know we'll do what feels right for all involved but am curious as to how other parents of bi or gay teens dealt with this issue without seeming like you don't trust or support your child. As a LONG time supporter of gay rights I find that I am in a strange position. My husband & I have always had open discussions with our daughter about our feelings on this subject. For years we have suspected that our daughter might not be heterosexual. She has recently “come out” (bisexual) to us and I am surprised how I feel. I love her, I support her,I am not disappointed (I think) but I feel sad. This is a feeling I did not expect! I know I am worried about how other people will treat her once they find out – it seems it will always be struggle. She is 14. One of the reasons she says she did not tell us earlier was that she was afraid we would not let her have friends over (friends meaning non-romantic)-no hanging out in her room w/door closed while they listen to music,chat and all the things teen friends do and then there is the question of sleep overs. My question is How do I handle those situations? If we knew she was heterosexual we would not allow a boy in her room with the door closed nor would we allow a sleep over. So with her recent admission the logic follows that we would not allow girls either…I know we’ll do what feels right for all involved but am curious as to how other parents of bi or gay teens dealt with this issue without seeming like you don’t trust or support your child.

]]> By: MCV http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-23571 MCV Mon, 23 May 2011 01:49:09 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-23571 I am the mother of a 36 yr old daughter who just came out after being married to a man for 7 yrs. No children. This was like a knife in my heart. I totally freaked out until I talked to some of my closest friends & sat down & thought about it. They made me realize that she is still the same person she always was, still loves me & needs me. They said would it be better if she was a drug addict, or anorexic, or some kind of criminal. When u think about it. They are right. I still love her because she is my flesh & blood & as long as she respects me as a mother, I just want her to be happy. People do not push your children away--no matter what because they need u. They love us just as we love them & they cannot help their feelings. I am the mother of a 36 yr old daughter who just came out after being married to a man for 7 yrs. No children. This was like a knife in my heart. I totally freaked out until I talked to some of my closest friends & sat down & thought about it. They made me realize that she is still the same person she always was, still loves me & needs me. They said would it be better if she was a drug addict, or anorexic, or some kind of criminal. When u think about it. They are right. I still love her because she is my flesh & blood & as long as she respects me as a mother, I just want her to be happy. People do not push your children away–no matter what because they need u. They love us just as we love them & they cannot help their feelings.

]]> By: Confused http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-20563 Confused Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:00:05 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-20563 To Struggling, I wrote you an email. I am not sure when you posted your comment, if it was recently or a while ago as there is no date given. I hope that your email is still valid. I would really like to talk to you. Hope to hear from you. To Struggling,

I wrote you an email. I am not sure when you posted your comment, if it was recently or a while ago as there is no date given. I hope that your email is still valid. I would really like to talk to you. Hope to hear from you.

]]> By: Struggling http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-19275 Struggling Thu, 17 Mar 2011 20:20:35 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-19275 I'm a mother of a beautiful 21 year old daughter. She is an honor student, an accomplished athlete, and an overall wonderful person. She and I are VERY close, we talk about everything, we shop and do lunch. I thought I knew everything about her!! Eighteen months ago, she moved into off campus housing with 3 other friends. They were all in the same dorm and wanted more "freedom". I thought it was a natural progression towards independence and agreed to the move. My daughter made "friends" with one of the girls, and talked about her constantly. She always had tons of friends in high school, but never a real "best" friend, so I was happy for her. My feelings changed when one time I visited the girls for the weekend. We all went out to dinner, and I noticed that my daughter and this friend of hers were acting just a little too "close". My daughter always was clinging to her and I noticed it especially when they sat together on the sofa. My daughter would snuggle up to her friend, and it made me feel very awkward. I asked what was going on, and that it looked "odd" that they would behave like that if they were just "friends". Over time, my daughter gradually introduced her friend into our home and our lives. Another light bulb went off when I offered our guest room during a visit to our home, and they declined. The girls slept in our daughter's room, in the same bed, with her 16 year old brother in the next bedroom!! She assured me that kids in college just prefer that and it's not unusual. I am not an idiot, and did suspect but did not want to cause a blow-up in case I was wrong. This friend has spent a week skiing with us, and been out to dinner. She is a nice kid, and comes from a nice family. I like her just fine, as my daughters FRIEND and not GIRLFRIEND!! Ten days ago, my daughter and I had an unrelated argument. I said many horrible things and while I was at it threw in the lesbian fear in for good measure. We didn't speak for a day. I finally tried to reconcile by text messaging, even though she was 2 rooms away. It was then that I asked the dreaded question......"Are you gay"??? She confirmed it and asked me if I hated her. She feared rejection and was scared. I ran downstairs to my husband to confirm my suspicions with my daughter running behind me. We both assured her that we still love her, but it will take TIME for this to sink in. Even though I suspected, I was NOT prepared for confirmation!! THIS was a mistake, as I DRAGGED my daughter out of the closet, before she was ready to come out. BIG mistake. Now every time I look a little sad, or upset she gets angry. Tells me it's "no big deal". " Why are you so upset??" she asks me. We should be happy she has found her "soulmate". They plan on being together "FOREVER" and that she will NEVER change. She just loves a girl instead of a boy and what is SO wrong with that? They will both wear wedding gowns and have kids she tells me. Although they are religious, my daughter wants to marry on a beach. I guess I'm upset because first of all the DREAM of my husband walking my daughter down the aisle has been dashed by this news. We wanted the fairy tale wedding that everyone wants for their child'. She is my ONLY daughter!!! But, again that is OUR dream and not hers, so we CAN let that one go for now. I'm just worried that she will face terrible criticism from society and will lead a difficult life. I think she is being unrealistic that she has found THE one in her first same-sex relationship. I'm worried that when this relationship winds down, she will be very disappointed. I hope this isn't too long. I am hurt and worried. I threw up for 3 days and didn't sleep at all. I went to my doctor for Zanex to help with anxiety at night. I love my daughter and want HER to be happy!! I just don't know HOW to accept this and SHE needs to give me more than 10 days to "get over" it!! If anyone is in the same boat with their daughter and would like to chat, please email me at laxmom611@hotmail.com. I really could use a friend right now, as I haven't been able to tell our friends yet. Thanks :) I’m a mother of a beautiful 21 year old daughter. She is an honor student, an accomplished athlete, and an overall wonderful person. She and I are VERY close, we talk about everything, we shop and do lunch. I thought I knew everything about her!! Eighteen months ago, she moved into off campus housing with 3 other friends. They were all in the same dorm and wanted more “freedom”. I thought it was a natural progression towards independence and agreed to the move. My daughter made “friends” with one of the girls, and talked about her constantly. She always had tons of friends in high school, but never a real “best” friend, so I was happy for her. My feelings changed when one time I visited the girls for the weekend. We all went out to dinner, and I noticed that my daughter and this friend of hers were acting just a little too “close”. My daughter always was clinging to her and I noticed it especially when they sat together on the sofa. My daughter would snuggle up to her friend, and it made me feel very awkward. I asked what was going on, and that it looked “odd” that they would behave like that if they were just “friends”.

Over time, my daughter gradually introduced her friend into our home and our lives. Another light bulb went off when I offered our guest room during a visit to our home, and they declined. The girls slept in our daughter’s room, in the same bed, with her 16 year old brother in the next bedroom!! She assured me that kids in college just prefer that and it’s not unusual. I am not an idiot, and did suspect but did not want to cause a blow-up in case I was wrong. This friend has spent a week skiing with us, and been out to dinner. She is a nice kid, and comes from a nice family. I like her just fine, as my daughters FRIEND and not GIRLFRIEND!!

Ten days ago, my daughter and I had an unrelated argument. I said many horrible things and while I was at it threw in the lesbian fear in for good measure. We didn’t speak for a day. I finally tried to reconcile by text messaging, even though she was 2 rooms away. It was then that I asked the dreaded question……”Are you gay”??? She confirmed it and asked me if I hated her. She feared rejection and was scared. I ran downstairs to my husband to confirm my suspicions with my daughter running behind me. We both assured her that we still love her, but it will take TIME for this to sink in. Even though I suspected, I was NOT prepared for confirmation!! THIS was a mistake, as I DRAGGED my daughter out of the closet, before she was ready to come out. BIG mistake. Now every time I look a little sad, or upset she gets angry. Tells me it’s “no big deal”. ” Why are you so upset??” she asks me. We should be happy she has found her “soulmate”. They plan on being together “FOREVER” and that she will NEVER change. She just loves a girl instead of a boy and what is SO wrong with that? They will both wear wedding gowns and have kids she tells me. Although they are religious, my daughter wants to marry on a beach.

I guess I’m upset because first of all the DREAM of my husband walking my daughter down the aisle has been dashed by this news. We wanted the fairy tale wedding that everyone wants for their child’. She is my ONLY daughter!!! But, again that is OUR dream and not hers, so we CAN let that one go for now. I’m just worried that she will face terrible criticism from society and will lead a difficult life. I think she is being unrealistic that she has found THE one in her first same-sex relationship. I’m worried that when this relationship winds down, she will be very disappointed.

I hope this isn’t too long. I am hurt and worried. I threw up for 3 days and didn’t sleep at all. I went to my doctor for Zanex to help with anxiety at night. I love my daughter and want HER to be happy!! I just don’t know HOW to accept this and SHE needs to give me more than 10 days to “get over” it!! If anyone is in the same boat with their daughter and would like to chat, please email me at laxmom611@hotmail.com. I really could use a friend right now, as I haven’t been able to tell our friends yet. Thanks :)

]]> By: JAT http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/mums-concern-for-gay-daughter/comment-page-1#comment-12859 JAT Tue, 09 Nov 2010 05:25:52 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=43#comment-12859 Parents, hard as it is for us, think what your beloved children are going thru. Please don't abandon them at this most critical juncture in their lives. You've spent all their life getting them to this point of discovering who they are. For it is a process of discovery to be gay, not a sudden choice, and by not giving them full love and support you are casting the first (of many) stones that will be hurled in their direction. Why would you want to participate in the destruction of someone you brought into the world? Be the incredible human being your child believes you to be, and embrace your miraculous child for who they are. Proud mom of a beautiful gay 21 year old daughter. Parents, hard as it is for us, think what your beloved children are going thru. Please don’t abandon them at this most critical juncture in their lives. You’ve spent all their life getting them to this point of discovering who they are. For it is a process of discovery to be gay, not a sudden choice, and by not giving them full love and support you are casting the first (of many) stones that will be hurled in their direction. Why would you want to participate in the destruction of someone you brought into the world? Be the incredible human being your child believes you to be, and embrace your miraculous child for who they are.
Proud mom of a beautiful gay 21 year old daughter.

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