Mom Coming To Terms With A Lesbian Daughter
Hi, I am the mother of a lesbian. I found out when my daughter was around 13 y/o. I found a letter between her and her girlfriend. I read it and it sounded like a boyfriend girlfriend letter. I didn’t confront her about it. I pretended I never found it. Then the other girls mother found out about the relationship and was furious. She called me. I acted like it was new news.
I had to discourage my daughter from seeing her girlfriend. Their relationship was also abusive. The girl would scream at my daughter on the phone. My daughter was cutting herself. I took her to a Psychologist and she was put on an antidepressant.
That was all a long time ago. My daughter is now almost 18. I had hopes that this was just a phase and that she would end up being heterosexual. The girlfriend ended up being heterosexual. My daughter is still on a antidepressant. I have told my daughter that I love her no matter what. I do wish this was not happening. I want her to have a normal life.
I do not condone her being gay but I do not treat her badly or am negative about it. She knows that if I could change things I would. We have a Christian home and my husband, not her father, is extremely religious. He doesn’t say anything to her about being gay. He does not approve though. I am not sure of my feelings.
If people are born gay which I am starting to believe then how can they be condemned for it. The religious stand point is that people may have gay desires but they need to not act on these desires and live a life of abstinence or become heterosexual. For me to think of my daughter being alone for the rest of her life kills me. I want her to be happy and have a loving long term relationship. So I struggle with all this.
My daughter is very bold. She got a rainbow tattoo. She puts rainbow stickers on her car. I wish she would not do this. I think it is better to keep this to herself and only tell those close to her.
I have only told a few people about this. Maybe I am ashamed. I don’t know. It just hurts a lot still. My daughter doesn’t seem to care who knows. I am starting counseling soon and hope to get help with all of this.
Maryann from USA
October 19th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
Dear Maryann,
I wish things were different for you. I believe your beautiful child is pleasing to God. God made us in his image. I am a Born Again Christian and I am so ashamed at the comments some Christians have toward homosexuality. I am a wife with a husband and two wonderful children( 5yr old and a 18 month old). God has blessed me with a few uncles, cousins and friends who are gay. I pray your daughter finds a woman who loves her and supports her. There is a good story on gaychurch.com. I believe it is under spotlight, it is called “A letter to Louise”. It is long but definitely worth the read for your family. I pray that your family feels the comfort only Jesus can give. God Bless you and I am praying for you and all the families like yours.
Love,
Susan
April 25th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
I’m 26 - and didn’t come out to myself, or my family until college. I think age might have something to do with the level or degree of how outgoing she is with her sexuality. She probably has a lot of built up anger (i know i did) and wants to rebel and be vocal about it rather than hide it. I give her a lot of credit for coming out when she did.
I think more and more people will come out at a younger age. When I was in high school (graduated in 1999), homosexuality still wasn’t talked about. Now it’s being addressed, and people are realizing it sooner.
The older and more mature she gets - and the more comfortable you both get with her sexuality - the better it will be. I’m gay - but it’s such a small part of my life. There is so much more to me. My parents enjoy spending time with me - not their gay daughter. Best of luck to you and your daughter. You don’t have to understand it to be supportive of her.