Mom Coming To Terms With A Lesbian Daughter
Hi, I am the mother of a lesbian. I found out when my daughter was around 13 y/o. I found a letter between her and her girlfriend. I read it and it sounded like a boyfriend girlfriend letter. I didn’t confront her about it. I pretended I never found it. Then the other girls mother found out about the relationship and was furious. She called me. I acted like it was new news.
I had to discourage my daughter from seeing her girlfriend. Their relationship was also abusive. The girl would scream at my daughter on the phone. My daughter was cutting herself. I took her to a Psychologist and she was put on an antidepressant.
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That was all a long time ago. My daughter is now almost 18. I had hopes that this was just a phase and that she would end up being heterosexual. The girlfriend ended up being heterosexual. My daughter is still on a antidepressant. I have told my daughter that I love her no matter what. I do wish this was not happening. I want her to have a normal life.
I do not condone her being gay but I do not treat her badly or am negative about it. She knows that if I could change things I would. We have a Christian home and my husband, not her father, is extremely religious. He doesn’t say anything to her about being gay. He does not approve though. I am not sure of my feelings.
If people are born gay which I am starting to believe then how can they be condemned for it. The religious stand point is that people may have gay desires but they need to not act on these desires and live a life of abstinence or become heterosexual. For me to think of my daughter being alone for the rest of her life kills me. I want her to be happy and have a loving long term relationship. So I struggle with all this.
My daughter is very bold. She got a rainbow tattoo. She puts rainbow stickers on her car. I wish she would not do this. I think it is better to keep this to herself and only tell those close to her.
I have only told a few people about this. Maybe I am ashamed. I don’t know. It just hurts a lot still. My daughter doesn’t seem to care who knows. I am starting counseling soon and hope to get help with all of this.
Maryann from USA
Dear Maryann,
I wish things were different for you. I believe your beautiful child is pleasing to God. God made us in his image. I am a Born Again Christian and I am so ashamed at the comments some Christians have toward homosexuality. I am a wife with a husband and two wonderful children( 5yr old and a 18 month old). God has blessed me with a few uncles, cousins and friends who are gay. I pray your daughter finds a woman who loves her and supports her. There is a good story on gaychurch.com. I believe it is under spotlight, it is called “A letter to Louise”. It is long but definitely worth the read for your family. I pray that your family feels the comfort only Jesus can give. God Bless you and I am praying for you and all the families like yours.
Love,
Susan
I’m 26 – and didn’t come out to myself, or my family until college. I think age might have something to do with the level or degree of how outgoing she is with her sexuality. She probably has a lot of built up anger (i know i did) and wants to rebel and be vocal about it rather than hide it. I give her a lot of credit for coming out when she did.
I think more and more people will come out at a younger age. When I was in high school (graduated in 1999), homosexuality still wasn’t talked about. Now it’s being addressed, and people are realizing it sooner.
The older and more mature she gets – and the more comfortable you both get with her sexuality – the better it will be. I’m gay – but it’s such a small part of my life. There is so much more to me. My parents enjoy spending time with me – not their gay daughter. Best of luck to you and your daughter. You don’t have to understand it to be supportive of her.
im leonardo ive been gay for 8 year i have been since i was 8 year old i know that it is early to know but i found it easy to tell my friends but some of then dint like it
but
you know what you are what you are so be proud of it
Your daughter was not born gay – no one is. I know from my own experience God can take a woman from lesbian-identified to transformed woman reflecting the female image-bearing status He created her to live. I live a wonderful life now, dedicated to God and to proclaiming the hope of freedom from the lies of lesbian-identification. Please check out my website for more information. God bless.
Pam, you did not leave your website for more information on the “lies of lesbian-identification”. Excuse me, Did God give you permission to proclaim that her daughter was not born gay?? And that noone is?? I am a Christian woman, and do not believe that. I believe some people are born gay. Just because that is your opinion, does not mean you are right and have the right to proclaim God’s stance on this. The bible has few verses that address this issue, and they are mostly in the old testment, which, if you READ it, I’m sure you don’t live by every decree in the old testament. No modern day Christian does, and by the way, NOONE lives without sin… remember, Jesus did not come for no reason, it was because NOONE could live sin-free, and we needed Jesus’ redemption. Anyway, I am a Christian mother of a 17 year old lesbian daughter, and yes, she has known since she was very young that she felt different, wasn’t ever attracted to boys, etc.. She played along, lying to us and herself, pretending to have crushes on boys, but then in 9th grade, she finally confided in us, her parents, the truth… I KNOW God LOVES my daughter, and she loves HIM. That is all that matters to me… Anyway, your post has upset me, as again, to make a statement, like “Your daughter was not born gay- noone is” is VERY presumptious and judging, two things I’m pretty sure God DOES NOT want us to be… LOve everyone, especially what you consider “the sinners” as Jesus did on his time here on earth…
i am a mother of 8 girls 4 are true lesbians 4 are bi that prefere girls i my self are bi that prefere girls but am married to my childhood sweetheart people are born homosexual only relion makes it a sin as it was considerd normal in ancient times like ancient greece.
I have a very similar story with my 20 year old daughter. Her girlfriends parents confronted my daughter at college in her dorm room and told her she would go to hell. Then the father proceeded to call us and tell us our daughter might commit suicide. Never mentioning all the terrible things he said to her. His daughter let it all happen she bascially through our daughter under the bus and said to bad I know my dad’s a jerk. Then he called us again at home and showed up at our office.I was very careful what I said to him. But, frankly he was the biggest jerk I’ve ever met. He was full of hate in his heart in the name of religion. As I watched him speak I felt I was looking at pure evil. Frankly, I did not want this man to be my daughters father in law. Her girlfriend is clearly damaged by her father. I just see lots of problems for the two of them because of the father. I prefer My daughter be with someone who comes from a loveing home and can accept her. She is a very sweet girl. She always thinks of others.
She knows how I feel about this girls family and so she doesn’t tell me when she sees her. This girl is always reaching out to my daughter because her father is so awful. The girls go to school in different states, so they rarely see each other. Wishing my daughter would find some with nice parents. I my case it’s not the girlfriend it’s the parents. They can really be a deal breaker no wonder gay/lesbien children move away and start a new life.