Comments on: How Could One Possibly Know They Are Gay? http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/how-could-one-possibly-know-they-are-gay Help For Parents Of Gay Children Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:51:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Bec http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/how-could-one-possibly-know-they-are-gay#comment-544 Bec Sun, 16 Dec 2007 00:15:24 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/how-could-one-possibly-know-they-are-gay#comment-544 Hi, I'm 15 years old and my parents recently found out that i'm gay. Of course they asked me how i could possibly know. At the time i was angry but i realized that this was just as hard for them as it was for me. My response was "mom how did you know you liked dad or just men in general? you just did." My mom also asked me if i picked to be gay. my response was almost the same, "mom, did you one day go, oh i think i'll like men? no, you just did. it's the same for me" Hi, I’m 15 years old and my parents recently found out that i’m gay. Of course they asked me how i could possibly know. At the time i was angry but i realized that this was just as hard for them as it was for me. My response was “mom how did you know you liked dad or just men in general? you just did.”

My mom also asked me if i picked to be gay. my response was almost the same, “mom, did you one day go, oh i think i’ll like men? no, you just did. it’s the same for me”

]]> By: Ang http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/how-could-one-possibly-know-they-are-gay#comment-414 Ang Sat, 06 Oct 2007 15:04:37 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/how-could-one-possibly-know-they-are-gay#comment-414 As a gay young adult who came out to parents close to a year ago, I also was asked this same question. My grandmother and parents both asked how I could possibly know since I have never been with either gender? They still think that I am just confused and can't possibly know until I give both options a choice. They think that by shutting myself off to the idea of being with a guy that I am limiting myself and putting myself into a box. I can understand this to a point, but now a year later I am not so "confused" anymore. I recently talked to my grandmother again and while she remains very supportive she also says I need to give both genders a chance. Unfortunately for my family, I don't feel the need to experiment with any guys. I feel that is ridiculous and that it is potentially hurtful to the guy I would experiment with. I am not in the business of using people and I will always do what I feel is right. For me, being with a woman feels right in my mind. Communicating this to family is difficult. I don't expect it to be easy to accept and I understand why parents would ask this question to their children, but it is frustrating. I have taken the advice of friends and given my parents time this past year to adjust and get used to the idea. We haven't talked about this in a long time, I'd like to bring it up with them again so I can see where they are and if they have made any progress. I just want them to be okay with my decision to live my life the way I feel is right. All I can suggest to parents who want to ask this question of thier kids is, please understand that this question is frustrating. I understand the reasons why a parent would ask this, but I think if you ask that question and your child gives an adequate response you should respect their feelings. The problem is that if you continue to ask this question your child will feel like you do not trust them to know themselves and that is not usually the case. I know for me that was the most hurtful thing about that question. My parents had never questioned my judgement on anything and to have them tell me I didn't know my own feelings was hard to take. I love and respect my parents though, and even though we don't agree on this matter I know that with time we will be able to respect each other's opinions. Good luck to all who are struggling with their child's sexuality. I am glad to see so many parents actively seeking help to come to terms with their child's sexuality. It is a step in the right direction, on a path that will be bumpy sometimes, but a path that will lead you to the best result: acceptance. As a gay young adult who came out to parents close to a year ago, I also was asked this same question. My grandmother and parents both asked how I could possibly know since I have never been with either gender? They still think that I am just confused and can’t possibly know until I give both options a choice. They think that by shutting myself off to the idea of being with a guy that I am limiting myself and putting myself into a box. I can understand this to a point, but now a year later I am not so “confused” anymore. I recently talked to my grandmother again and while she remains very supportive she also says I need to give both genders a chance.

Unfortunately for my family, I don’t feel the need to experiment with any guys. I feel that is ridiculous and that it is potentially hurtful to the guy I would experiment with. I am not in the business of using people and I will always do what I feel is right. For me, being with a woman feels right in my mind. Communicating this to family is difficult.

I don’t expect it to be easy to accept and I understand why parents would ask this question to their children, but it is frustrating. I have taken the advice of friends and given my parents time this past year to adjust and get used to the idea. We haven’t talked about this in a long time, I’d like to bring it up with them again so I can see where they are and if they have made any progress. I just want them to be okay with my decision to live my life the way I feel is right.

All I can suggest to parents who want to ask this question of thier kids is, please understand that this question is frustrating. I understand the reasons why a parent would ask this, but I think if you ask that question and your child gives an adequate response you should respect their feelings. The problem is that if you continue to ask this question your child will feel like you do not trust them to know themselves and that is not usually the case. I know for me that was the most hurtful thing about that question. My parents had never questioned my judgement on anything and to have them tell me I didn’t know my own feelings was hard to take.

I love and respect my parents though, and even though we don’t agree on this matter I know that with time we will be able to respect each other’s opinions. Good luck to all who are struggling with their child’s sexuality. I am glad to see so many parents actively seeking help to come to terms with their child’s sexuality. It is a step in the right direction, on a path that will be bumpy sometimes, but a path that will lead you to the best result: acceptance.

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