How Could One Possibly Know They Are Gay?
I don’t know about anyone else but I find it interesting that we as heterosexuals and I being one, think that there could be nothing other than heterosexuality. I mean we think that once you have had sex with the opposite gender then wow, you would never consider being gay.
I bring this up because I receive a lot of letters on my website GayFamilySupport and many of them are from upset parents who have just found out their child is gay. I use the term gay for all glb.
These parents just as my husband and I at first often think that how could our precious children know they are gay if they haven’t had sex with the opposite gender. Well I am here to tell you that they just do.
I know that I certainly did not need to have sex with a woman to know that I was definately straight. I just new. Don’t know why I new I just did. And the funny thing is no one even asked why.
So why is it that we ask this stupid question to our gay children, as if they don’t have enough on their mind already? Well we ask it because we don’t know any better. We are terrified for our child and for ourselves and we will grab at anything we can in hope that our child will become normal again 
Normal, what a strange word? We could spend hours going on about that word. So we are not going to.
If any of you people reading this are gay then please do not be too hard on us older folk for asking stupid questions like this. Most of us do see the light at the end of the tunnel and do start acting much more maturely once we settle down and realise our beautiful children are still the same beautiful children they always were. Some of us even trust their judgement and quite rightly so.
October 6th, 2007 at 3:04 pm
As a gay young adult who came out to parents close to a year ago, I also was asked this same question. My grandmother and parents both asked how I could possibly know since I have never been with either gender? They still think that I am just confused and can’t possibly know until I give both options a choice. They think that by shutting myself off to the idea of being with a guy that I am limiting myself and putting myself into a box. I can understand this to a point, but now a year later I am not so “confused” anymore. I recently talked to my grandmother again and while she remains very supportive she also says I need to give both genders a chance.
Unfortunately for my family, I don’t feel the need to experiment with any guys. I feel that is ridiculous and that it is potentially hurtful to the guy I would experiment with. I am not in the business of using people and I will always do what I feel is right. For me, being with a woman feels right in my mind. Communicating this to family is difficult.
I don’t expect it to be easy to accept and I understand why parents would ask this question to their children, but it is frustrating. I have taken the advice of friends and given my parents time this past year to adjust and get used to the idea. We haven’t talked about this in a long time, I’d like to bring it up with them again so I can see where they are and if they have made any progress. I just want them to be okay with my decision to live my life the way I feel is right.
All I can suggest to parents who want to ask this question of thier kids is, please understand that this question is frustrating. I understand the reasons why a parent would ask this, but I think if you ask that question and your child gives an adequate response you should respect their feelings. The problem is that if you continue to ask this question your child will feel like you do not trust them to know themselves and that is not usually the case. I know for me that was the most hurtful thing about that question. My parents had never questioned my judgement on anything and to have them tell me I didn’t know my own feelings was hard to take.
I love and respect my parents though, and even though we don’t agree on this matter I know that with time we will be able to respect each other’s opinions. Good luck to all who are struggling with their child’s sexuality. I am glad to see so many parents actively seeking help to come to terms with their child’s sexuality. It is a step in the right direction, on a path that will be bumpy sometimes, but a path that will lead you to the best result: acceptance.
December 16th, 2007 at 12:15 am
Hi, I’m 15 years old and my parents recently found out that i’m gay. Of course they asked me how i could possibly know. At the time i was angry but i realized that this was just as hard for them as it was for me. My response was “mom how did you know you liked dad or just men in general? you just did.”
My mom also asked me if i picked to be gay. my response was almost the same, “mom, did you one day go, oh i think i’ll like men? no, you just did. it’s the same for me”