Comments on: Hard To Accept http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept Help For Parents Of Gay Children Tue, 24 Apr 2012 17:36:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Sha http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-77543 Sha Sat, 21 Apr 2012 16:46:35 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-77543 Is there a christian mom who is dealing with her son coming out. I have an 18 year old and i am devastated and need to know if there is a support group out there? Is there a christian mom who is dealing with her son coming out. I have an 18 year old and i am devastated and need to know if there is a support group out there?

]]> By: andre http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-77536 andre Tue, 17 Apr 2012 13:13:59 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-77536 I am quite taken with the grief parents feel when their children comes out of the closet. All thou I feel that thees feelings you are having regarding gay lifestyle and choosing it ,is a bit of a over the top for the fact that it looks like most of you parents have a pre conceded notion that firstly this is a lifestyle and that your children are choosing it. All that your children are choosing is to be honest to you as a parent,and to start being honest to you and themselves in order to have a honest and true full live without pulling the wool over your eyes. If you can grasp that then you are halfway there,as for lifestyle this will determine how they live,will go back to you as a parent on the morals and values you have installed in your kids from a young age.Just because little jonney told you he is gay does not mean he is a pervert. If you think about it ,you should as a parent pat yourself on the back cause your children felt so safe and warm with you that they were able to tell you!!! Parents now that your kid has told you and you are in shock you should always remember that this is the same kid you had yesterday ,the same kid you loved yesterday ,and the fact that he told you ,shows how much he loves you ,For him to have "come out "to you means he totally trusts you and feels safe and loved. Your child needs your acceptance cause before he told you he was conflicted by his /her feelings,this. Would have been the worst part cause if you are brought up in a society were you are confronted with the stereotypes like its not moral its a sin its abomination and this is the stereotypes most of you mothers put out their and this is what you are saying.for your kid to tell you something like this in the face of all that makes your kid probably one of the braves people that you will encounter in your life!! Again pat yourself on the back!!!! It will take time for you to get use to this honesty but later on you will realize that this was for the best!!! The alternative is horrible ,let's see your kid could have not tell you ,this would have ment that he/she chose to lie , now we are not talking. Small lie here we are dealing with a lie that will shape the rest of his life!!! I urge you to love your child ,like when he/she was born ,you know without any exclusion , I also have to mention this there is no reason to be ashamed of you gay child ,the fact that you know he or she is gay makes you n GOOD parent,o and for the religious people out their JESUS loves you and your child jesus came to us to heal men,and woman's hearts not to exclude people and he does this with LOVE ,he took people who were tarnished in society and included them in his LOVE this was his fundamental reason he came to us and then we killed him for it. Cause he does want you and your child to have love in life. he wants to see you happy. The question that remains do you want to be happy ,and do you want to see your child happy . Or are you going to exclude you child and exclude Yourself I am quite taken with the grief parents feel when their children comes out of the closet. All thou I feel that thees feelings you are having regarding gay lifestyle and choosing it ,is a bit of a over the top for the fact that it looks like most of you parents have a pre conceded notion that firstly this is a lifestyle and that your children are choosing it. All that your children are choosing is to be honest to you as a parent,and to start being honest to you and themselves in order to have a honest and true full live without pulling the wool over your eyes.
If you can grasp that then you are halfway there,as for lifestyle this will determine how they live,will go back to you as a parent on the morals and values you have installed in your kids from a young age.Just because little jonney told you he is gay does not mean he is a pervert. If you think about it ,you should as a parent pat yourself on the back cause your children felt so safe and warm with you that they were able to tell you!!!
Parents now that your kid has told you and you are in shock you should always remember that this is the same kid you had yesterday ,the same kid you loved yesterday ,and the fact that he told you ,shows how much he loves you ,For him to have “come out “to you means he totally trusts you and feels safe and loved.

Your child needs your acceptance cause before he told you he was conflicted by his /her feelings,this. Would have been the worst part cause if you are brought up in a society were you are confronted with the stereotypes like its not moral its a sin its abomination and this is the stereotypes most of you mothers put out their and this is what you are saying.for your kid to tell you something like this in the face of all that makes your kid probably one of the braves people that you will encounter in your life!! Again pat yourself on the back!!!!

It will take time for you to get use to this honesty but later on you will realize that this was for the best!!!

The alternative is horrible ,let’s see your kid could have not tell you ,this would have ment that he/she chose to lie , now we are not talking. Small lie here we are dealing with a lie that will shape the rest of his life!!!

I urge you to love your child ,like when he/she was born ,you know without any exclusion ,

I also have to mention this there is no reason to be ashamed of you gay child ,the fact that you know he or she is gay makes you n GOOD parent,o and for the religious people out their JESUS loves you and your child jesus came to us to heal men,and woman’s hearts not to exclude people and he does this with LOVE ,he took people who were tarnished in society and included them in his LOVE this was his fundamental reason he came to us and then we killed him for it. Cause he does want you and your child to have love in life. he wants to see you happy. The question that remains do you want to be happy ,and do you want to see your child happy . Or are you going to exclude you child and exclude Yourself

]]> By: Talia http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-74130 Talia Fri, 17 Feb 2012 22:33:11 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-74130 I did not read all of the responses here, but I felt compelled to write something. My 16 year old son "came out" last year. He had a boyfriend for a brief period of time, and my husband and I were outwardly very accepting, and still are. Deep in my heart, it grieves me, but NOT BECAUSE I THINK BEING GAY IS WRONG, OR EVEN A CHOICE. Deep in my heart it grieves me because of the persecution in society that he will face for his entire life. As I read through the first 15 or so messages here, I felt for each of the mothers struggling with this. But part of what struck me was that, instead of fighting against this persecution, they have bought into it. They have accepted society's terms for what is normal and right. Some of the mothers talk about the lifestyle being "sick." One nurse gave INCORRECT information about the health aspect (and I can say that, as I am a doctor). All of it just made me so sad. I feel as if we should band together as parents and fight against these very ideas. I feel that we should be able to be strong and fight for our children. I know deep in my heart that my husband and I, who have a great marriage and have provided a happy home for our children, have done nothing to "cause" this. I know deep in my heart that my husband was born this way. And, in the words of Lady Gaga, GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES. We are Christian (Catholic, in fact), and very religious; but I disagree with the Churches' stance on homosexuality. The Bible has things against it, but JESUS HIMSELF NEVER SPOKE AGAINST IT. I do believe that gays, just like straights, have a place, a vocation and a purpose for our world. I just don't think society has come to a place to understand or recognize that. But we as parents have to be accepting, loving, understanding and fight for our children. Otherwise, the sin is on us. I did not read all of the responses here, but I felt compelled to write something. My 16 year old son “came out” last year. He had a boyfriend for a brief period of time, and my husband and I were outwardly very accepting, and still are. Deep in my heart, it grieves me, but NOT BECAUSE I THINK BEING GAY IS WRONG, OR EVEN A CHOICE. Deep in my heart it grieves me because of the persecution in society that he will face for his entire life.

As I read through the first 15 or so messages here, I felt for each of the mothers struggling with this. But part of what struck me was that, instead of fighting against this persecution, they have bought into it. They have accepted society’s terms for what is normal and right. Some of the mothers talk about the lifestyle being “sick.” One nurse gave INCORRECT information about the health aspect (and I can say that, as I am a doctor). All of it just made me so sad. I feel as if we should band together as parents and fight against these very ideas. I feel that we should be able to be strong and fight for our children. I know deep in my heart that my husband and I, who have a great marriage and have provided a happy home for our children, have done nothing to “cause” this. I know deep in my heart that my husband was born this way. And, in the words of Lady Gaga, GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES. We are Christian (Catholic, in fact), and very religious; but I disagree with the Churches’ stance on homosexuality. The Bible has things against it, but JESUS HIMSELF NEVER SPOKE AGAINST IT. I do believe that gays, just like straights, have a place, a vocation and a purpose for our world. I just don’t think society has come to a place to understand or recognize that. But we as parents have to be accepting, loving, understanding and fight for our children. Otherwise, the sin is on us.

]]> By: Edward Thomas http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-73096 Edward Thomas Fri, 10 Feb 2012 15:30:32 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-73096 Sherry, you don't have an argument. His life is his to live. It's your American duty and law to raise him as your child. If he is gay then that is that. In your generation the media did their best to inform people and scare people from the gay lifestyle and your fears are apart of this. But if your son is running around as a straight male he is in just as much danger as any permiscous person. No special attention goes to him because he is gay. Be honored he is admitting it to you. Most men that contract stuff are the straight males who are scared to mention anything to anyone but fornicate in private on the weekends with the same sex. So by your son telling you, he at least can go through life without living a lie and having 4 kids then suddenly changing teams. Would love to know how your coping with it. My mother to the same "it's all about me" approach too. She feels the same as you. But it's selfish to think your child's world is based around you. Your also ashamed of taking care of him as if he were gay you would've fed him. Nothing's changed. He's your child. His sex life has nothing to do with you. Sherry, you don’t have an argument. His life is his to live. It’s your American duty and law to raise him as your child. If he is gay then that is that. In your generation the media did their best to inform people and scare people from the gay lifestyle and your fears are apart of this. But if your son is running around as a straight male he is in just as much danger as any permiscous person. No special attention goes to him because he is gay. Be honored he is admitting it to you. Most men that contract stuff are the straight males who are scared to mention anything to anyone but fornicate in private on the weekends with the same sex. So by your son telling you, he at least can go through life without living a lie and having 4 kids then suddenly changing teams. Would love to know how your coping with it. My mother to the same “it’s all about me” approach too. She feels the same as you. But it’s selfish to think your child’s world is based around you. Your also ashamed of taking care of him as if he were gay you would’ve fed him. Nothing’s changed. He’s your child. His sex life has nothing to do with you.

]]> By: Shelia http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-70544 Shelia Sun, 22 Jan 2012 00:26:19 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-70544 I found out my 16 year old son was Gay when he tried to kill himself...he went without sleep for days his grades were dropping his brother had gone off to college and I was working 2 jobs he was alone. I had him admitted to a psych hospital because of his mental state. We all went in to counseling and the end of the day I had to accept what I could not control but I had a few request that he has respected. First and foremost he is a Man no matter who he loves I expect him to behavior as such. He deserves to be loved and respected sometimes you have to demand that from people but oh well respect of God, self and society are important. Allow him to grow and mature keep reminding him that you love him and maybe dont agree with his lifestyle. But at the end of the day...accept what you can not change, I found out my 16 year old son was Gay when he tried to kill himself…he went without sleep for days his grades were dropping his brother had gone off to college and I was working 2 jobs he was alone. I had him admitted to a psych hospital because of his mental state. We all went in to counseling and the end of the day I had to accept what I could not control but I had a few request that he has respected. First and foremost he is a Man no matter who he loves I expect him to behavior as such. He deserves to be loved and respected sometimes you have to demand that from people but oh well respect of God, self and society are important. Allow him to grow and mature keep reminding him that you love him and maybe dont agree with his lifestyle. But at the end of the day…accept what you can not change,

]]> By: jackie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-65633 jackie Sun, 18 Dec 2011 01:21:33 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-65633 Hey,Shery HE IS YOUR SON!!! GET OVER 'IT'. Look for whatever you need to do for yourself to be happy in life - then let your child BE. I wish you BOTH well x Jackie Hey,Shery

HE IS YOUR SON!!!

GET OVER ‘IT’.

Look for whatever you need to do for yourself to be happy in life – then let your child BE.

I wish you BOTH well x

Jackie

]]> By: Laurie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-64965 Laurie Tue, 13 Dec 2011 21:12:09 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-64965 I would like to address the parents of someone who has recently or in the past came out. It really upsets me that some of you have this "WHAT ABOUT ME?" attitude about this. As a parent you were created to love your children unconditionally. That is why in the beginning you should put aside any of your selfish and judgemental ways when a child of your own has had the COURAGE to tell the ones that raised them that they are gay. I can tell you it is not an easy topic for either side. But, it is more so hard for the child coming out. There is always a FEAR that THEIR OWN PARENTS or FAMILY will disown them for something they really have no control over. It is NOBODY's fault they are gay. So quit taking it so PERSONAL!!! Go into these kind of conversations with an open heart and ear...and be accepting of the children you gave birth to and raised. If you feel it neccessary to CONDEMN them or just want to ask questions...WAIT TILL THE NEXT CONVERSATION!!! Trust me there will be a lot of them!! They are going to need the support system. As long as you can continue to show them the love that you are EXPECTED to give them as their parents, they should have the desire to open up to you. Then at that point YOU can have YOUR feelings about the situation VALIDATED. Check out PFLAG, they can surely provide you support with what it is your feeling. Just don't cast down your judgements and opinions on the child just because you don't understand where you think you went wrong. Remember, it isn't your fault!! JUST LOVE YOUR CHILD UNCONDITONALLY!!! I would like to address the parents of someone who has recently or in the past came out. It really upsets me that some of you have this “WHAT ABOUT ME?” attitude about this. As a parent you were created to love your children unconditionally. That is why in the beginning you should put aside any of your selfish and judgemental ways when a child of your own has had the COURAGE to tell the ones that raised them that they are gay. I can tell you it is not an easy topic for either side. But, it is more so hard for the child coming out. There is always a FEAR that THEIR OWN PARENTS or FAMILY will disown them for something they really have no control over. It is NOBODY’s fault they are gay. So quit taking it so PERSONAL!!! Go into these kind of conversations with an open heart and ear…and be accepting of the children you gave birth to and raised. If you feel it neccessary to CONDEMN them or just want to ask questions…WAIT TILL THE NEXT CONVERSATION!!! Trust me there will be a lot of them!! They are going to need the support system. As long as you can continue to show them the love that you are EXPECTED to give them as their parents, they should have the desire to open up to you. Then at that point YOU can have YOUR feelings about the situation VALIDATED. Check out PFLAG, they can surely provide you support with what it is your feeling. Just don’t cast down your judgements and opinions on the child just because you don’t understand where you think you went wrong. Remember, it isn’t your fault!! JUST LOVE YOUR CHILD UNCONDITONALLY!!!

]]> By: Julie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-63743 Julie Wed, 07 Dec 2011 00:11:57 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-63743 Let me start by saying i,m new to this. My 14 year old son came out to me around 2 months ago. It didn,t come as too much of a surprise, it was something i had always suspected, but never wanted to aknowledge. My personel view is that someone's sexual orientation is nothing to do with any one else, if your son or daughter feels the need to 'come out' to you, you should be proud that they have told you, they need to feel valitated, they need you as a parent to accept them for what they are. As a mother i love my son unconditonally and i don't want to know about his sex life whether he is homosexexual or hetrosexual.....as long as he is happy and healthy...all is fine. Love your kids for what they are, and for the fact they have the strength and the guts to tell you that they are not what you thought they should be. Ana... don,t be torn, be proud of your son for what he is, be proud that he had the guts to tell you he is 'gay'. Im sure his brothers would be fine with it, you should tell them. I am proud that my son had the trust and knew that we loved him that much to tell us he was gay. Looking at other views from parents i can understand that you might find it difficult to accept BUT please don't be disgusted, confused yes, give it time, it gets better. Maybe im a mum in a million, i accept, yes i ask questions, i place no blame and i love him uncondionally. x Let me start by saying i,m new to this. My 14 year old son came out to me around 2 months ago. It didn,t come as too much of a surprise, it was something i had always suspected, but never wanted to aknowledge. My personel view is that someone’s sexual orientation is nothing to do with any one else, if your son or daughter feels the need to ‘come out’ to you, you should be proud that they have told you, they need to feel valitated, they need you as a parent to accept them for what they are. As a mother i love my son unconditonally and i don’t want to know about his sex life whether he is homosexexual or hetrosexual…..as long as he is happy and healthy…all is fine. Love your kids for what they are, and for the fact they have the strength and the guts to tell you that they are not what you thought they should be. Ana… don,t be torn, be proud of your son for what he is, be proud that he had the guts to tell you he is ‘gay’. Im sure his brothers would be fine with it, you should tell them. I am proud that my son had the trust and knew that we loved him that much to tell us he was gay. Looking at other views from parents i can understand that you might find it difficult to accept BUT please don’t be disgusted, confused yes, give it time, it gets better. Maybe im a mum in a million, i accept, yes i ask questions, i place no blame and i love him uncondionally. x

]]> By: David http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-63580 David Tue, 06 Dec 2011 03:44:16 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-63580 @John at 3:32 am Thanks for taking the time to write what you did. It helped me understand what my son must be going through and how he looks to us as his parents to accept him for what he is, not for what we wish he was. It's extremely hard to deal with this issue but I'll think of your words when I need reassurance. Thank you @John at 3:32 am

Thanks for taking the time to write what you did. It helped me understand what my son must be going through and how he looks to us as his parents to accept him for what he is, not for what we wish he was. It’s extremely hard to deal with this issue but I’ll think of your words when I need reassurance. Thank you

]]> By: Judy http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-61935 Judy Sat, 26 Nov 2011 12:14:10 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-61935 I loved finding this blog as I feel it is so important to have a place for parents to go and talk about their feelings when they have three children, two of whom are gay. When I first found out, I had many of the same feelings as those of you who wrote here. I wondered what my husband and I had done wrong. I felt I had given my children the a stable loving upbringing and did not know why this happened. I realized that from the day I first held these children, I started to dream of what they would be like when they grew up and when they came out, it was that dream that I had to grieve, not the children who I love dearly. All parents have dreams of their childrens futures and work to that end, but I realized, the dream was mine and my husbands and we had raised them to find their own life. I don't believe that being gay is a choice, I personally feel it is like having blue eyes or red hair. My husband and I now are two very lucky parents with three wonderful adult children. They contribute to society, they have rich happy lives and all that any parent hopes for. Ultimately, accepting the loss of our dream and loving our three children as we always have has brought richness to our lives. Our family has expanded with their loved ones and friends. My husband recently had a appendicitis and his appendix burst. I was away with my daughter and I called my son's partner and asked if he would go to the hospital and be with my husband as my son was not able to get to the hospital right away. The two of them took wonderful care of him and after the surgery the doctor went to my husband and said "you are so lucky to have those two sons, they are wonderful people". My husband told the doctor it was his son and his partner and the doctor told my husband he was a very lucky man to have such great people in his life. She was right! The most pain that having two gay children has brought me is the knowledge that so many gay people are distanced or disowned by their families for being gay. Anyone who would like to talk about having gay children can email me at mac10076@aol.com I loved finding this blog as I feel it is so important to have a place for parents to go and talk about their feelings when they have three children, two of whom are gay.

When I first found out, I had many of the same feelings as those of you who wrote here. I wondered what my husband and I had done wrong. I felt I had given my children the a stable loving upbringing and did not know why this happened.

I realized that from the day I first held these children, I started to dream of what they would be like when they grew up and when they came out, it was that dream that I had to grieve, not the children who I love dearly.

All parents have dreams of their childrens futures and work to that end, but I realized, the dream was mine and my husbands and we had raised them to find their own life.

I don’t believe that being gay is a choice, I personally feel it is like having blue eyes or red hair.

My husband and I now are two very lucky parents with three wonderful adult children. They contribute to society, they have rich happy lives and all that any parent hopes for.

Ultimately, accepting the loss of our dream and loving our three children as we always have has brought richness to our lives. Our family has expanded with their loved ones and friends.

My husband recently had a appendicitis and his appendix burst. I was away with my daughter and I called my son’s partner and asked if he would go to the hospital and be with my husband as my son was not able to get to the hospital right away. The two of them took wonderful care of him and after the surgery the doctor went to my husband and said “you are so lucky to have those two sons, they are wonderful people”. My husband told the doctor it was his son and his partner and the doctor told my husband he was a very lucky man to have such great people in his life. She was right!

The most pain that having two gay children has brought me is the knowledge that so many gay people are distanced or disowned by their families for being gay.

Anyone who would like to talk about having gay children can email me at mac10076@aol.com

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