Comments on: Hard To Accept http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept Help For Parents Of Gay Children Sat, 10 Dec 2011 03:33:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.3 By: Julie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-63743 Julie Wed, 07 Dec 2011 00:11:57 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-63743 Let me start by saying i,m new to this. My 14 year old son came out to me around 2 months ago. It didn,t come as too much of a surprise, it was something i had always suspected, but never wanted to aknowledge. My personel view is that someone's sexual orientation is nothing to do with any one else, if your son or daughter feels the need to 'come out' to you, you should be proud that they have told you, they need to feel valitated, they need you as a parent to accept them for what they are. As a mother i love my son unconditonally and i don't want to know about his sex life whether he is homosexexual or hetrosexual.....as long as he is happy and healthy...all is fine. Love your kids for what they are, and for the fact they have the strength and the guts to tell you that they are not what you thought they should be. Ana... don,t be torn, be proud of your son for what he is, be proud that he had the guts to tell you he is 'gay'. Im sure his brothers would be fine with it, you should tell them. I am proud that my son had the trust and knew that we loved him that much to tell us he was gay. Looking at other views from parents i can understand that you might find it difficult to accept BUT please don't be disgusted, confused yes, give it time, it gets better. Maybe im a mum in a million, i accept, yes i ask questions, i place no blame and i love him uncondionally. x Let me start by saying i,m new to this. My 14 year old son came out to me around 2 months ago. It didn,t come as too much of a surprise, it was something i had always suspected, but never wanted to aknowledge. My personel view is that someone’s sexual orientation is nothing to do with any one else, if your son or daughter feels the need to ‘come out’ to you, you should be proud that they have told you, they need to feel valitated, they need you as a parent to accept them for what they are. As a mother i love my son unconditonally and i don’t want to know about his sex life whether he is homosexexual or hetrosexual…..as long as he is happy and healthy…all is fine. Love your kids for what they are, and for the fact they have the strength and the guts to tell you that they are not what you thought they should be. Ana… don,t be torn, be proud of your son for what he is, be proud that he had the guts to tell you he is ‘gay’. Im sure his brothers would be fine with it, you should tell them. I am proud that my son had the trust and knew that we loved him that much to tell us he was gay. Looking at other views from parents i can understand that you might find it difficult to accept BUT please don’t be disgusted, confused yes, give it time, it gets better. Maybe im a mum in a million, i accept, yes i ask questions, i place no blame and i love him uncondionally. x

]]> By: David http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-63580 David Tue, 06 Dec 2011 03:44:16 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-63580 @John at 3:32 am Thanks for taking the time to write what you did. It helped me understand what my son must be going through and how he looks to us as his parents to accept him for what he is, not for what we wish he was. It's extremely hard to deal with this issue but I'll think of your words when I need reassurance. Thank you @John at 3:32 am

Thanks for taking the time to write what you did. It helped me understand what my son must be going through and how he looks to us as his parents to accept him for what he is, not for what we wish he was. It’s extremely hard to deal with this issue but I’ll think of your words when I need reassurance. Thank you

]]> By: Judy http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-61935 Judy Sat, 26 Nov 2011 12:14:10 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-61935 I loved finding this blog as I feel it is so important to have a place for parents to go and talk about their feelings when they have three children, two of whom are gay. When I first found out, I had many of the same feelings as those of you who wrote here. I wondered what my husband and I had done wrong. I felt I had given my children the a stable loving upbringing and did not know why this happened. I realized that from the day I first held these children, I started to dream of what they would be like when they grew up and when they came out, it was that dream that I had to grieve, not the children who I love dearly. All parents have dreams of their childrens futures and work to that end, but I realized, the dream was mine and my husbands and we had raised them to find their own life. I don't believe that being gay is a choice, I personally feel it is like having blue eyes or red hair. My husband and I now are two very lucky parents with three wonderful adult children. They contribute to society, they have rich happy lives and all that any parent hopes for. Ultimately, accepting the loss of our dream and loving our three children as we always have has brought richness to our lives. Our family has expanded with their loved ones and friends. My husband recently had a appendicitis and his appendix burst. I was away with my daughter and I called my son's partner and asked if he would go to the hospital and be with my husband as my son was not able to get to the hospital right away. The two of them took wonderful care of him and after the surgery the doctor went to my husband and said "you are so lucky to have those two sons, they are wonderful people". My husband told the doctor it was his son and his partner and the doctor told my husband he was a very lucky man to have such great people in his life. She was right! The most pain that having two gay children has brought me is the knowledge that so many gay people are distanced or disowned by their families for being gay. Anyone who would like to talk about having gay children can email me at mac10076@aol.com I loved finding this blog as I feel it is so important to have a place for parents to go and talk about their feelings when they have three children, two of whom are gay.

When I first found out, I had many of the same feelings as those of you who wrote here. I wondered what my husband and I had done wrong. I felt I had given my children the a stable loving upbringing and did not know why this happened.

I realized that from the day I first held these children, I started to dream of what they would be like when they grew up and when they came out, it was that dream that I had to grieve, not the children who I love dearly.

All parents have dreams of their childrens futures and work to that end, but I realized, the dream was mine and my husbands and we had raised them to find their own life.

I don’t believe that being gay is a choice, I personally feel it is like having blue eyes or red hair.

My husband and I now are two very lucky parents with three wonderful adult children. They contribute to society, they have rich happy lives and all that any parent hopes for.

Ultimately, accepting the loss of our dream and loving our three children as we always have has brought richness to our lives. Our family has expanded with their loved ones and friends.

My husband recently had a appendicitis and his appendix burst. I was away with my daughter and I called my son’s partner and asked if he would go to the hospital and be with my husband as my son was not able to get to the hospital right away. The two of them took wonderful care of him and after the surgery the doctor went to my husband and said “you are so lucky to have those two sons, they are wonderful people”. My husband told the doctor it was his son and his partner and the doctor told my husband he was a very lucky man to have such great people in his life. She was right!

The most pain that having two gay children has brought me is the knowledge that so many gay people are distanced or disowned by their families for being gay.

Anyone who would like to talk about having gay children can email me at mac10076@aol.com

]]> By: diana http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-61718 diana Fri, 25 Nov 2011 00:04:45 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-61718 i wished mum accepted me just the way i am.i am so heart broken.if only she knows how hurt i am with all of her actions.shes knows it,but still continues to hurt me.she rather loose me than her status in society. i wished mum accepted me just the way i am.i am so heart broken.if only she knows how hurt i am with all of her actions.shes knows it,but still continues to hurt me.she rather loose me than her status in society.

]]> By: John http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-49664 John Mon, 26 Sep 2011 03:32:21 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-49664 I just want to know what you expect your gay child to do. They can't change their sexual orientation any more than you can, and we know by your comments of how it disgusts you that you wouldn't be able to change your sexual orientation. That being the case, i know you wish it was different, but thats because society is largely bigoted towards homosexuals and you don't want to be embarrassed. Doesn't that sound selfish? Shallow? What about your child's right to live, happily, fall in love, make a difference in this world? They can't even begin a journey towards happiness without your support because embarking without you leaves so much behind. Don't make them choose between pleasing you and their own personal happiness and mental well being. Understanding will come in time if you're open to it. If you're not, there will only be heartache, hurt feelings, and losses that may never be regained. Don't let intolerance, hatred, bigotry and prejudice be in charge. Don't be limited in your ability to love and accept others. Challenge yourself to expand your ability to accept and love others. It's opportunity to grow, and won't you feel better that you have opened your arms wider than they have ever been opened before, and that the love and acceptance you have been able to offer others has lifted someone up versus making them feel ashamed, unlovable, alone, desperate, scared, and ultimately bitter and rebellious? Parents have a tremendous influence on their children's lives, and I have witnessed first hand the effects of parents from both ends of the spectrum. Please dig deep and tap into the love, acceptance and compassion that only a parent possesses. You don't want to look back years down the road and wishing you had. Don't create regrets today that you most likely will not be able to get rid of tomorrow. Thanks for reading... I just want to know what you expect your gay child to do. They can’t change their sexual orientation any more than you can, and we know by your comments of how it disgusts you that you wouldn’t be able to change your sexual orientation. That being the case, i know you wish it was different, but thats because society is largely bigoted towards homosexuals and you don’t want to be embarrassed. Doesn’t that sound selfish? Shallow? What about your child’s right to live, happily, fall in love, make a difference in this world? They can’t even begin a journey towards happiness without your support because embarking without you leaves so much behind. Don’t make them choose between pleasing you and their own personal happiness and mental well being. Understanding will come in time if you’re open to it. If you’re not, there will only be heartache, hurt feelings, and losses that may never be regained. Don’t let intolerance, hatred, bigotry and prejudice be in charge. Don’t be limited in your ability to love and accept others. Challenge yourself to expand your ability to accept and love others. It’s opportunity to grow, and won’t you feel better that you have opened your arms wider than they have ever been opened before, and that the love and acceptance you have been able to offer others has lifted someone up versus making them feel ashamed, unlovable, alone, desperate, scared, and ultimately bitter and rebellious? Parents have a tremendous influence on their children’s lives, and I have witnessed first hand the effects of parents from both ends of the spectrum. Please dig deep and tap into the love, acceptance and compassion that only a parent possesses. You don’t want to look back years down the road and wishing you had. Don’t create regrets today that you most likely will not be able to get rid of tomorrow.

Thanks for reading…

]]> By: Adam http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-37390 Adam Sun, 28 Aug 2011 09:34:13 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-37390 A rather interesting read and view from the parternal side. I'm 26 years of age and am a gay male. To this day, I have not yet come out to my parents. My friends, work colleagues and other family members know that I am gay. Telling my parents I'm gay is not going to be an easy task. I do know that my parents are aware and may suspect I am gay as my uncle told them that he thinks I am. In 2007 I went to the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. My parents knew about this, but weren't too happy about it. Before leaving for the Mardi Gras my father asked me If I liked other guys private parts up me. I was completely shocked by this and so my in a haste reaction I answered no. To this day, not much has been mentioned to me about being gay. I recommend all people watch a movie called Prayers for Bobby. I believe it will make some parents think twice about how they treat their gay children. For some, if not most parents, I believe it's the lack of education or views that were cast upon yourselves as a child that makes you think it is your fault and that being gay is a sin. I believe we all need to wake up and open our eyes. A rather interesting read and view from the parternal side. I’m 26 years of age and am a gay male. To this day, I have not yet come out to my parents. My friends, work colleagues and other family members know that I am gay. Telling my parents I’m gay is not going to be an easy task. I do know that my parents are aware and may suspect I am gay as my uncle told them that he thinks I am. In 2007 I went to the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. My parents knew about this, but weren’t too happy about it. Before leaving for the Mardi Gras my father asked me If I liked other guys private parts up me. I was completely shocked by this and so my in a haste reaction I answered no. To this day, not much has been mentioned to me about being gay.
I recommend all people watch a movie called Prayers for Bobby. I believe it will make some parents think twice about how they treat their gay children. For some, if not most parents, I believe it’s the lack of education or views that were cast upon yourselves as a child that makes you think it is your fault and that being gay is a sin. I believe we all need to wake up and open our eyes.

]]> By: Ana http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-36035 Ana Fri, 26 Aug 2011 05:14:15 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-36035 Hi name is Ana, i never thought i would be brave enough to write this.......... And here i am so here is my story. I have four beautiful boys six,ten and elleven and a 18 yr old son who doesnt live in my home my oldest son and i have a rocky relationship sad enough but at 15 he decided to tell me he was gay he was nervious and yes i could imagine how much curage that takes BUT i was devistated!!!!!! shock mad confuesd all the ubove i felt it was my fault for not trying harder etc i couldnt stop crying i felt hes confuesd ill let it be wont talk about it i wanted to act as if it never happen and i did but he felt that thats who he is was born like this and its no ones fault and told everyone lives it defends it today he is 18 has a guy friend who he lives with we really dnt speak and iam still crying and yes i worrie about what people say and think hes my son I LOVE MY SON NOT HIS CHOICE and refuse to tell his brothers i will not hurt them they luv him so much i just cant. I do tell my younger boys never judge anyone i give sinerios such as what if u had a gay cousin type quetion their answer i would be imbarused mom so i teach them never judge anyone love youur family, friends except like god does and yet i cant!!!!!!! I hurt inside and know he does also and i pray some day i cn come to terms with my son being gay but rite now i havent words are easly said when im tolds except except but its not that easy..truly a torn mother. Hi name is Ana, i never thought i would be brave enough to write this………. And here i am so here is my story. I have four beautiful boys six,ten and elleven and a 18 yr old son who doesnt live in my home my oldest son and i have a rocky relationship sad enough but at 15 he decided to tell me he was gay he was nervious and yes i could imagine how much curage that takes BUT i was devistated!!!!!! shock mad confuesd all the ubove i felt it was my fault for not trying harder etc i couldnt stop crying i felt hes confuesd ill let it be wont talk about it i wanted to act as if it never happen and i did but he felt that thats who he is was born like this and its no ones fault and told everyone lives it defends it today he is 18 has a guy friend who he lives with we really dnt speak and iam still crying and yes i worrie about what people say and think hes my son I LOVE MY SON NOT HIS CHOICE and refuse to tell his brothers i will not hurt them they luv him so much i just cant. I do tell my younger boys never judge anyone i give sinerios such as what if u had a gay cousin type quetion their answer i would be imbarused mom so i teach them never judge anyone love youur family, friends except like god does and yet i cant!!!!!!! I hurt inside and know he does also and i pray some day i cn come to terms with my son being gay but rite now i havent words are easly said when im tolds except except but its not that easy..truly a torn mother.

]]> By: David http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-32120 David Wed, 10 Aug 2011 21:59:08 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-32120 I also recently found out that my 26 year old son is gay or bisexual. He says that we can't "categorize" him into any sexual orientation. I guess that means he can do what he wants with whoever he chooses. Anyway, my older son who is 29 is pure heterosexual and has had many girlfriends. He had leukemia back in 2009 and during this difficult time had a girlfriend who stayed right by his side even when he lost all his hair. She kept him happy and helped maintain his positive outlook. When he was out of the hospital he asked if she could stay overnight for a few days. Considering all she did for him my wife and I agreed. They are still together to this day and she continues to stay over when my son is on his days off from work. My younger son now wants to have his gay friend also get to stay over since his older brother has his girlfriend do it all the time. I try to understand and not judge my bisexual son but it makes me stressed out even just thinking about it. he knows we live him no matter what, but I don't want lifestyle "in my face". My stomach gets in knots and I can't sleep and think it is selfish of him to put me through this kind of stress. My home should be a tranquil retreat and no one should bring something here that would upset anyone else. He claims it is a double standard and I agree. If he had a girlfriend I would have no problem with her staying over but another guy just isn't right. If it were me I would never even consider upsetting my parents if they were uncomfortable. Is it wrong to insist that he doesn't bring this lifestyle to our house so I don't end up with a heart attack? How can I explain that this is not good for my health to be stressed out and trying to force the issue is a bit selfish of him? I also recently found out that my 26 year old son is gay or bisexual. He says that we can’t “categorize” him into any sexual orientation. I guess that means he can do what he wants with whoever he chooses. Anyway, my older son who is 29 is pure heterosexual and has had many girlfriends. He had leukemia back in 2009 and during this difficult time had a girlfriend who stayed right by his side even when he lost all his hair. She kept him happy and helped maintain his positive outlook. When he was out of the hospital he asked if she could stay overnight for a few days. Considering all she did for him my wife and I agreed. They are still together to this day and she continues to stay over when my son is on his days off from work. My younger son now wants to have his gay friend also get to stay over since his older brother has his girlfriend do it all the time. I try to understand and not judge my bisexual son but it makes me stressed out even just thinking about it. he knows we live him no matter what, but I don’t want lifestyle “in my face”. My stomach gets in knots and I can’t sleep and think it is selfish of him to put me through this kind of stress. My home should be a tranquil retreat and no one should bring something here that would upset anyone else. He claims it is a double standard and I agree. If he had a girlfriend I would have no problem with her staying over but another guy just isn’t right. If it were me I would never even consider upsetting my parents if they were uncomfortable. Is it wrong to insist that he doesn’t bring this lifestyle to our house so I don’t end up with a heart attack? How can I explain that this is not good for my health to be stressed out and trying to force the issue is a bit selfish of him?

]]> By: Melody George http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-31513 Melody George Sat, 06 Aug 2011 22:58:15 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-31513 Hi, my son came out to us recently, he is 22 years old and was in Spain at the time. He had told his sister several weeks before he told us. I have to say that I had suspected he was gay from the time he was about 9 years old but just kept praying that he was just not as rough and tough as other little boys. When he came out I felt like someone just punched me in the gut, it was a good thing he was in Spain for about 6 weeks before I seen him. This gave me a chance to let it all soak in. My husband and I know that his life will be more difficult but our job as parents is to be there for our children and love and accept them no matter what. He cannot change who he is and we what him to be happy and accept himself Hi, my son came out to us recently, he is 22 years old and was in Spain at the time. He had told his sister several weeks before he told us. I have to say that I had suspected he was gay from the time he was about 9 years old but just kept praying that he was just not as rough and tough as other little boys. When he came out I felt like someone just punched me in the gut, it was a good thing he was in Spain for about 6 weeks before I seen him. This gave me a chance to let it all soak in. My husband and I know that his life will be more difficult but our job as parents is to be there for our children and love and accept them no matter what.
He cannot change who he is and we what him to be happy and accept himself

]]> By: Jake http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/hard-to-accept/comment-page-2#comment-31010 Jake Wed, 03 Aug 2011 21:41:21 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/?p=39#comment-31010 Pretty much all's been said already, but the hell: you're an egoist! And I mean a BIG one. How dare you have expectations of anyone concerning their sexuality? Maybe you should've considered not risking your lifestyle before your son was conceived, not afterwards. You should've been responsible 19 years ago, before you got pregnant in a mindless act. Pretty much all’s been said already, but the hell: you’re an egoist! And I mean a BIG one. How dare you have expectations of anyone concerning their sexuality? Maybe you should’ve considered not risking your lifestyle before your son was conceived, not afterwards. You should’ve been responsible 19 years ago, before you got pregnant in a mindless act.

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