Hard To Accept
Hello my name is Sherry and I have a 19 year old son who just informed me that he was gay/bisexual I really don’t know which one he is because he doesn’t know either. But in any case he’s one of them. I am having a hard time excepting this because I’ve raised both of my boys alone without any help from the father. I’m starting to resent my youngest son because this was now the way it was to turn out..
I feel this was my thanks for struggling to put them both through school and now college and now hey mom I forgot to tell you that I’m bisexual. I resent him because I thought my work was done and I could have my life back and start living. But now I have another obstacle in my way.I am really struggling with this because I’m embarrassed, I’m disgusted and I can’t come to grips with it.
I’m being forced to except his life style. He has moved out and living with friends because I won’t let him bring his friends around me. I don’t think it’s fair that he gets to live and do what he wants with his life and I’m being forced to not live mine. How can I come to grips with this without resenting him for putting me through this.
Thank you
Sherry
I am a 17 year old gay boy. And I can’t tell my father, nor my mother. You know why? Because it would disappoint them. They might be suspecting me of gayness, but as long as I don’t confirm that I am indeed gay, I know they’ll be happy, and that’s what I want them to stay– happy.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?
I am unhappy. I am not free. I am forced to live in the expectations of the society. I have sacrificed my personal intentions just so my parents would not be depressed.
Your son did otherwise, and I kinda envy him. I am not saying he doesn’t love you like I love my parents– BUT WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE HIM FEEL THE SAME PAIN AS I FEEL? IMPRISONED LIKE ME? I wish you could just be happy for him.
Every gay person had a stage of denial. Which means he was gay, even before you both realized he was. It doesn’t matter whether he tells you– HE IS GAY NO MATTER WHAT. And the fact that he told you means he appreciate you. You raised him, that’s why he thought it is important that you know. And don’t worry, it is normal to worry for your son’s life straight or not.
remember: I AM 17. I wish you more happiness, contentment, acceptance, open mindedness, unconditional love, and may god bless you more. ciao.
I was touched by what you wrote. My 20-year old son came out to us a few days ago. I have contacted PFLAG to learn how I can support my son. I love him and always will.
I need to talk to people who are gay or who are parents of gays.
Do you want to be my friend.
Maybe we can help one another?
Janet
hi Sherry. imagine how difficult it was for your son to come out to you. and the kind of thought and agony he put into it. coming out to people is NOT an easy thing…especially when it’s family. when my brother came out to me…he wouldn’t even say the word gay. there was someone he used to work with that i knew as well and he’s gay. so when my brother was trying to hint around it…his being gay…i asked him if it was similar to what his friend from work was and he said yea. and i was the first person he had come out to and i felt privileged enough to have been the first person he could come to and tell…even if it was in his own round about way. and i would never even think of rejecting him or thinking of him as a failure…or the way our parents may have raised us.
it took a lot of guts for your son to come to you and you can’t just condemn him for being who he is. his being bisexual or gay is in no way a reflection of bad parenting on you. and it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that he didn’t have a father around…if that’s what you were thinking. my brother has had our father in his life everyday for as long as he’s been alive…and he’s still gay.
something that i think would be helpful to both you AND your son is if you both sit down and RATIONALLY discuss the feelings both of you have…and ask him questions. but not things like why. more like how long have you known or what did it take for you to come and tell me, how long had you been thinking about telling me…things like that. but don’t antagonize him…that might make him feel threatened. and if you really feel that threatened by his friends being in your home…instead of not allowing them over at all…maybe set some ground rules until u feel comfortable with the person…or until you feel comfortable accepting who and what your son is. maybe a few times a month ask your son to invite one of his friends over for dinner…and try to make an effort to get to know them. don’t make your son feel like you don’t love him…as i’m positive you love him very much. but he may not feel like you don’t right now…and this is a time when he needs you to love him more than ever.
HI SHERRY, I CAN TELL YOU AS I SIT HERE TODAY, WITH TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE. ME TO THE MOTHER WHO HAS STRUGGLED BRINGIN HER CHILDREN UP MOSTLY ON HER OWN, TO FIND OUT MY SON IS GAY.. HE IS A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MAN OF 24 AND I HAVE KNOWN THIS FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS NOW.. I TO CRIED AND CRIED AND ASKD WHY ME… I WILL HAVE NO GRANDCHILDREN OF MY OWN FROM HIM AND ALL THE SELFISH THOUGHTS THAT CAME INTO MY HEAD… I HAVE NOW GOT PAST ALL THAT AND AS LONG AS HES HAPPY THATS MY MAIN CONCERN.. NOW MY NEWEST HEARTBREAK IS MY DAUGHTER WHO CELEBRATED HER 19TH BDAY LAST NIGHT, HAS TOLD ME SHE IS GAY.. SO NOW IM BACK AT THAT MOMENT AGAIN… SO DEVASTED AGAIN, BUT REALLY FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS AND I WILL SEE AGAIN WEN THE HEALING STARTS.. I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU
Hello Shelli my name is Isabel I to can’t stop crying my 1 & only son just came out and told that he is gay I understand how your feeling I need a friend would you be intered in beening my friend .
I feel very loney like if the world just feel on top of me & I can’t say nothing to my husband family members nor my friends my son has asked to keep it between me & him only. And when the people around ask me what is wrong I try to be strong & look away so they don’t see the pain I have inside of me I feel as if I was crawling out of my skin.
thank you
Isabel
Hello parents, my daughter came out a few years ago. She is 24 now. The most comforting thing for me has been talking to her and asking her honest, heartfelt questions. She has shared so much of herself with me and I am very grateful. This has also helped me understand and love her more. I have recently started a discussion group for parents of GLBT(Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender) children, to provide parents with an opportunity to empower each other on how to love their children so they can feel accepted, respected and understood. This will also help parents come together and support one another. Please contact me (Maria)for more information at saccom@zid.com.
Isabel – do you know of any way that parents who can’t accept the fact that their son or daughter is gay can connect by email?
Does anyone know of a website for these parents?
I am tired of parents being blamed just because they are unhappy and disappointed with the lifestyle their kids are leading. These parents have every right to be sad or angry or upset and should not be condemned for that. Everyone says you MUST accept the gay sons and daughters – well what about the parents? THEY have rights too!
Isabel, I hear you so loud and clear it isn’t funny. My son came out with his news on Nov. 11th/09…Lest I forget…and since that time Ive heard nothing but “GET OVER IT” or LOVE HIM UNCONDITIONALLY or “WHATS THE BIG DEAL”,from other parents and friends? but NOTHING and I mean NOTHING about how I might be doing, or what I might be feeling. Since my son told me he has a self centered attitude and is very disrespectful in his actions towards me.This is a life long journey for sure and I know it took a long time for my son to come to terms with it himself….so why I ask as a person, a parent,do I have to deny my feelings immediately. Also any parent who is not going thru the same experience is not going to identify with me…Why?…because its not THEIR child, whew for them eh!
Dear Mothers,
I’m gay. I’m 21 and I live with parents who are disgusted by me, just like some of you…
I wrote my father, a 3 page letter, his response was to ignore me, until finally he got SO mad that he called me ’sick’.
I leave him alone, and the ever present gap between us grows larger, and larger.
There is NOTHING, that should get in the way of your relationship with your sons, your daughters… They LOVE you, do you even know how MUCH they love you?
I’m begging you… LITERALLY BEGGING you at this moment, put aside what your fear, and your anger, and your doubts and just find your child and hug them… ‘love’ them, accept later, understand later, but don’t let ANYTHING come between you.
And please, be CAREFUL what you say, your child has put himself/herself, out there, lashing out, can destroy them, damage them in ways that you can’t imagine.
You are SO important, SO much more than you can possibly imagine to your child. There’s nothing I want more than to just ‘connect emotionally’ with my father right now, and I can’t even speak to him for fear of being lashed out at.
Everything you’re going through, your child has either gone through, or is going through and has gone through so much more.
Do your best, but please… At least try to mend things peacefully.
- A Son Misunderstood.
I would like to talk with other parents that are handling their child coming out. Last night, my 16 year old son, only child, shared with me that he is gay/bi-sexual. I want to support him, and have supported him to the best of my ability, however, my emotions are all over the board.
On the one hand, I don’t want him to feel isolated and alone. I want him to know that I love him no matter what lifestyle he chooses.
On the other hand, I stared blaming myself and asking myself if I was a good mother..and all the other selfish thoughts, like embarassment or disappointment of no chance of having grandchildren. All of which my intellect tells me is untrue, my emtions tell me otherwise.
I know other parents are out there feeling the very same way. Conflicted.
I would like to speak in confidence to someone who has gone through this same experience. My email is c7g9@hotmail.com.
Sincerely,
c’nicole
I am 23 (soon to be 24 in a couple weeks), and as of 10/2/09, my mother (who has known I’m gay for 3 years) and my grandparents (whom I live with because my mother and I don’t get along) both know that I’m gay. Things have never been the same. My grandparents are OK for the most part, but they do believe all the negative gay stereotypes. My grandmother even said I probably should’ve just joined the military and not have gone to college and I probably shouldn’t live here anymore. After packing a suitcase, my grandfather put his foot down and I’m still here. My grandmother then tried saying “I didn’t mean it like that.” but never apologized. She instantly took my mother’s side. Even though that’s their daughter, everyone knows how irresponsible my mom has been (mentally, financially, etc) most of her adult life, and seeing as how my grandparents stepped in to raise me, that really hurt.
As for my mother, it’s been hell dealing with her, so I don’t anymore. Mainly because she CHOSE to disown me, yet would still constantly harass me, so I filed an temp order of protection against her. I admit that was premature on my part but I had to take control of things. I have sense dropped the order, and just keep my distance. She’s been trying to buy me gifts, bu my affection and her control as she has all my life, but it’s not working now. I don’t talk to her, and when she tries to talk to me, it’s obvious I’m annoyed, and I can’t look at her because I’m so disgusted with her actions and behavior.
This may sound harsh, but she’s the one who said she was done with me, said I’d never be successful because I’m gay, and that I’ll probably end up dead and on drugs. I don’t want to deal with anyone who speaks so negatively about me and makes me feel bad about myself, and has for years. It’s been hard to deal with, but I’m working diligently to move out on my own as soon as possible. I feel then I will be appreciated once I’m gone.
Parents who are considering disowning their children, something I will say, that is the most ultimate betrayal, worst than any breakup. You think you are helping things by disowning your children, but it causes more harm. One day you may need them, and they will not be there…
I am the mother of four children. My youngest (age 20) is gay. He came out to us 4 years ago today. I remember that day like it was yesterday and those feelings of “What have I done to deserve this?”. I immediately went to the internet to search for information. We belong to a very conservative religious organization, which made coming to terms with this issue, even more difficult. I suffered from all of those same feelings that you all have mentioned and fretted over what this information was going to mean to my son’s future, and the future of our family. I think the most important thing I did right away was tell my son that I loved him and nothing would ever change that.
I think that a turning point for both my husband and I came when we began to understand that being gay is not about sex. It’s about who you connect with on an emotional level. My husband had an experience where he had a particularly bad day and as soon as he was able, he raced to the phone to share his problems with me. He was very emotional and grateful that he had someone who he felt safe with, to share that much emotion with. After he had thought about it for a bit, he said, “I realize that everyone deserves to have that someone in their lives who they feel safe with, and I want my gay son to have that as much as I want my straight children to have it with someone.” Ever since that day we have been gay rights activists and strong supporters of gay marriage. We want our gay son to find someone to love and have a family with. This will provide stability to his life and contribute to his overall happiness.
For those who are worried about never having grandchildren…..many gay couples have children, using a gestational carrier and an egg donor. Many also adopt. There are many opportunities for you to become grandmothers.
I’m happy to talk to any of you who might need a listening ear. My e-mail address is alanna.farnsworth@comcast.net
Hugs!
Dear Sherry,
Why can’t you live your life? I know it is a shock when our child is honest, and it doesn’t fit in with our ideas for them. Parents and friends of gay and lesbians (PFLAG) has information to help you through the shock. Your son needs to feel he is loved, and your bitterness towards him can bring you both into separation or depression. I believe it is most important that your son is a good, honest, and loving person.It seems to me, you raised him well. A friend once told me, “You raise your kids to be independent, and what do they do, they go and become independent!”
Catie
Hi! I have been reading all comments here ..of parents and kids…. I am 52 ….I am a widow..raised my sons by myself.. …my wonderful 21 year old son came to me and told me he had a relationship with another young man … I was in shock! but I did not demostrated it right away …We were able to talk about it…. I remained calm and assure him that no matter what ..he is my son and I love him dearly ….BUT that night I was crying all night and had a hard time understanding…why?… I never suspected while he was at our home ! …Then my oldest son told me he knew about it! and he was ok with it! …Now I even have images of my son and the other person and I get disgusted but I am trying not to think about it and also looking for a support group and some counseling. My two sons are good citizens and my youngest is in the military! (I adviced him discretion until he gets out because the military do not support his sexual choices ) so… I came to this site and already help me see that I am not alone …I will never put my son away of my life…never! but I will need help to come to an understanding of this… It is hard … my church …my family and friends..what they will say?…When I am in agroup of friends and they joke about homosexuals..my heart sink…My son is great! and I only wish his happiness…Those that beleive in God pray for me….and those that do not..send me your positive vibes…lol…I need all the help I can get!
Blessings to all!
Sherry:
My 16 year old son came out in early October. I was devestated and physically ill. I could not eat for 5 days. He and I were very close before and are still close today. I know that this is not a choice and I know that his life will not be easy. He doesn’t know that I still cry every day. I love him so much and will do whatever it takes to support him emotionally. My family, including my husband and my older son have been great. I wish that I could get over the disappointment. I am feeling very selfish and guilty for still feeling sad. My goal for 2010 is to let go and get over it because he is who he is and I am not going to change him. I do not want to lose him. I need to change myself!
Good luck,
Lisa
My name is Sue and my 23 year old son just told us he is gay. I can’t tell you how devastated his dad and I are. We worked hard for all three of our children to educate them. As parents we tried so hard to be supportive in every way. We lived for our children. I understand that my son didn’t choose to feel this way but what I don’t understand is why he doesn’t seek help. I am a nurse. I also worked in a HIV clinic. I am trained in counseling and educating people about HIV. I know that gay men are at very high risk for HIV. I also know that the young gay men in their 20’s right now are showing a 15 percent increase in HIV. Anal sex is not healthy and how could any knowledgable parent move on after getting news like this. Anal sex increases your chances for other diseases also. As a nurse I know of gay men who contracted myocarditis and endocarditis and have died. The problem is that the anus and rectum are part of the digestive system and not meant for sexual purposes, they are meant for absorbtion. The walls of these organs are very thin, with many many bloodvessels. The blood vessels are there to carry what ever is there away into the circulatory system (such as the heart, hence the myocarditis, endocarditis and any virus or bacteria). If I were a gay man I would rather be celibate than to engage in anal sex with another man. The fact is that most gay relationships don’t last long and that even if they think they are in a committed relationship they usually are not. One of the men is usually having sex with someone else. I feel it is like playing russian roulette with life. Why is our society so sick that we can’t even get the real truth out to these young men. The gay activists cover the truth. The government, medical and psychiatric segments of our society are afraid to tell these young men the truth. They know it is political and have been hushed. The colleges encourage it and promote it. I just want my son to know the truth about the health issue. He doesn’t believe me because he thinks I am his mom and I am just trying to keep him straight. I would love to have another parent to talk to about this. I am not interested in hearing from other gay men like my son who are ignorant in regards to the health issues at stake here or they just don’t want to believe it, so they can continue to engage in it. I think if society were to address the serious health issues without trying to be so politically correct we would see a decrease in homosexuality or at least they would protect themselves better. Most of the young ones don’t use protection at all. Parents who are so accepting of this either do not care or do not understand the health issues. We need people to realise the cost to our healthcare system for something that is preventable by just not doing it. I believe we would see a decrease in this behavior if these men really knew and were being told everywhere such as by their doctors, colleges, psychiatrists and society in general. Why do we allow a minority of people(gay activists) to have such a devastating impact on our sons. I would love to start my own organization called “The truth about anal sex”. I hope someone will talk to me. I feel very alone and have no one except my husband to talk to.I have also been selfishly feeling embarassed and humiliated. I don’t want to see anyone. I find myself looking at other young men with their wives and kids and feeling so sad for my son. I think if our world would quit pandering to these poor lost men and try to figure out how to help them mentally we would be much better off. At least homosexuality would not be on the rise and even considered cool. Come on. It is not biological, all research indicates this is mental. Probably due to many differenct scenarios such as perhaps parenting but also and maybe even more so, how you were treated by your peers. Women also are guilty of pegging a man as gay because he is creative, well spoken, doesn’t play sports etc… My son had female friends who helped him see that he was gay but I remember when he was a little boy and told me so proudly that when he turned 16 he was going to have a girlfriend. I remember when he was 17 and he was dating a girl that he was head over heals with. Unfortunately I also remember him being made fun of and called names because he played the piano and loved to sing. I pray to God everyday for him to help my son. I am almost to the point where I feel there must not be a God because why would he let this happen to my son who is a good person. Sue
Hi Sue
Whilst you are someone who knows a lot about HIV and AIDES I don’t believe you know too much about
homosexuality or sexuality itself nor what being gay is all about. Being a gay man is more than having anal sex. Straight people fall in love with the opposite sex without even thinking about what they will be doing in bed and this is the case with gay men. Sure we all know men are higher sexed than women but being gay is about being attracted to the same sex in many ways not just sex.
Just as straight couples, sex can be varied. Some straight people have anal sex and some gay couples do not.
There are many ways to please your partner and this should be a private and personal thing to each couple.
As far as gay couples not sticking together I think if you look at stats not only many gay couples break up but so do many straight couples so what is your point. I think that you are so focused on the medical side (which is very important) that you are not seeing clearly.
Your son needs your support right now and all you are doing is handing him over all these negatives and you are pushing him away. Of course you need to tell him your concerns and what you know about HIV but you should not be making it the only point of view.
As a parent of course you need to explain safety when it comes to sex whether you have a son, daughter, gay or straight. Surely you must know that straight people face the same dangers with many sexually transmitted diseases including HIV.
But you make a major issue with these. You may say that it is anal sex that is the problem but who knows what anyone does in their bedrooms? Your kids, male or female are not going to tell you.
Instead of just focusing on the physical side of your sons sexual orientation, start looking at his emotional side and talk to him as a parent and not just a professional.
mdc24, Thank you for responding to my concerns. I understand what you are saying but the stats are not in favor of homosexual men. Yes you are right in regards to anal sex and faithfullness, but I was speaking more in terms of how likely these things are to occur in the homosexual segment of our population verses heterosexual. I believe that anal sex would be more common amongst homosexual men than heterosexual couples but you do give me some hope. No we don’t know what people, heterosexual or homosexual, are doing in their bedrooms, but I believe people should be informed of the risks and why these activities are risky. I believe that many young people are not aware and certainly are not aware of the biological processes and outcomes. You do give me hope though that perhaps by some chance (and I would venture to say it is ever so small) my son’s relationship is not one that involves anal sex. Are you saying that even though this is a life or death issue, as I believe it could be, that it is better not to inform him of the negatives. I would not be able to live with myself as a mother or a nurse if I didn’t arm him with the truth. I am sorry that homosexual people statistically do face a greater risk of hiv and many other std’s. I have told my son that no matter what we love him. I have also sent him all the information that I can to help inform him of the risk he might be taking with his life. I don’t believe this is something that my son chooses or feels is voluntary. I do hope that research into what causes homosexuality is continuing. I doubt that there is much money being funneled in that direction. I know that my son has suffered a lot in dealing with this as he is aware that it is not the norm. If as you say I am pushing him away and I believe you may be right then I am sorry that has to happen. I am first and foremost a mother and the instinct of a good mother is to protect her children. That instinct is as natural as some believe homosexuality is and it too is beyond my control. I would give my life to protect my children. You make the comment that like heterosexual couples, gay couples don’t think about what they will be doing in bed. I am sure you are correct but once they get there(in bed) they had better think about what they are doing if they value their life. I am doing my best to try to let my son know that we have not turned our backs on him and to also make sure he knows that he could make choices that will shorten his life. Homosexual activists always say this is not a choice and I say “OK it is not a choice. Then why not research homosexuality and offer treatment to those who feel tormented by it.” Iam very serious about starting an educational campaign about the dangers of anal sex for anyone not just homosexuals. Thank you for responding to my plea for help. I do recognize that my husband and I are very depressed and I pray that we are able to someday feel better. I think people don’t realize how devastating and lonely it is for the parents. In our case we feel that our hopes and dreams for our son have just been shattered. The dreams of our son meeting the right girl, marrying and having the “traditional family” life are gone. My husband just says ” there is always hope that he will change.” You are right we don’t understand and neither does our son I am sure. I really do appreciate your trying to help me. I will try as you have suggested to focus as much attention to his emotional side as I am to the physical side. I do think that he is emotionally in better shape than his parents are at this time.
Does anyone know of a site that is for parents who are having a tough time dealing with this. This site doesn’t seem to be very helpful. I think this site is more for the person who is gay. If anyone knows of a site that is more specifically for parents let me know.
Hi, i read your note and it broke my heart, i found out my son was gay when he was 15, i blame myself as i have always had a fear of having a gay brother or son from the age of 16. his now 24 and a very handsome young man. i still can’t accept it. Long story regarding my life..alot of tragedys which i felt brought all this on. I now can’t wait for the day i die so i can be in peace. I hope you can get through this , cos it is a shattering thing to find out.
To the mother of the son who was 15 when she found out, I feel your pain as I feel the same way. My husband and I love our son more than anything. We don’t want anything to happen to him. We could never stop loving him. With that said I can’t explain why I can’t be around him or accept him. I guess if unconditional love means I have to watch someone that I love so much take such great risk with his life, then no I can’t love unconditionally. I often think to myself that someday I wont have to feel this pain anymore, and like you I feel I will be at peace. I use to love life so much. My husband and I tried so hard to be the best parents. I tried to make sure I did everything right for my kids. I now realize that I am a failure as a mother. Being a good mother was my whole purpose in life. My son just shattered all of our dreams. If accepting this is what it takes now for me to be a good mother then I am sorry as I am no more able to accept this than the gay people are able to be straight. I can pray and will it away all I want but it just isn’t going to change these feelings.
Are you able to be around your son because I just don’t see how I can be a part of his life now. I am even having a difficult time being around his brother and sister or any family members or friends. I just want to run and hide somewhere. I have lost interest in all the things that use to make me feel good. I don’t want to talk to people at all. I feel sad for my husband because he is very depressed also but he tries to hang on to the hope that somehow this will change and our son won’t be gay anymore. He tries to convince me of that. He says he can’t deal with it any other way. He tries to call him to see if he can get him to change. Our son just tells his dad that he can’t talk unless he needs some money. I know we are grieving the loss of our son that we thought we raised.
Our son seems very self-centered now. Very much into himself. He also sometimes seems extremely immature and childlike especially with his friends. He seems to just not have much of a conscience about any of this. He doesn’t talk to us unless he needs money. I guess i just don’t understand because I would rather be celibate than hurt my family like this. If I were gay and felt I had no choice then I would have to be independent of my parents and not ask them to help me financially, that is what I mean about the imaturity. Expect others to fund your life. I think sometimes it would just be best if we didn’t see him or talk to him. I can’t help but notice these things about him now.
Sometimes out of the clear blue a wave of reality comes over me and my heart starts beating so fast, the horror of all this sweeps over me. I know it is a panic attack. I don’t know if he has a partner and I don’t want to know. My biggest concern is the health issues involved with this kind of life. That is the hardest part as I feel he is gambling with his life. I try to understand that they say this is not a choice but why would a young man not want to try to get help of some sort.
My son is involved in music and now lives in a big city away from home. I thought he went there to pursue his career but I think he went there to seek this life. You have to excuse me because I go through periods of anger and sadness. Do these feelings ever go away? I read things on these websites and they all say this is not a choice. Well I am not choosing to feel the way I feel either. I don’t choose to be scared, sad and depressed. I don’t choose to feel like a failure but I do. I guess it sounds like you have delt with this for 8 years and you still feel the same. I thank you for writing as it sure means a lot to me. This hurts me worse than anything I have ever experienced in my life. Maybe we can somehow help each other. I wish I could be oblivious to all the health issues like a lot the other parents that I have read about on the internet. I worked in a HIV clinic and did counseling. I know the truth. Does your son live close to you? I am here if you need to talk but I also understand if you arent able to. God help us. Sue
I feel your pain and I am sorry you have to feel that way… yes it’s the WORST feeling I’ve ever experienced too! It is very very hard and your heart will continue to break, but remember he is still your son. I too have had bad feelings like not wanting to be around my daughter at times, but it goes away. Be honest with your children about your feelings, but don’t be hurtful. My daughter knows how her dad and I feel. We don’t stop her from seeing her “friend”, but she’s not allowed to do it at our home. She is who she is whether we like it or not. JUST PRAY! I will pray for you and your son and everyone else going through this!
**If anyone finds another website for parents who can say how they feel, please post.
Dear Sherry,
I’m 13 years old and bisexual and I am not a Christian. If I tell my dad he would disown me right away. It’s people who disown their kids because of their sexuality or religion the disgust me. If my dad knew he would make me live with my horrible mom. My mom doesn’t love me and told me this after the divorce. Her exact words were “I don’t love you, I’m just fighting for you in the custody battle so I have someone to clean the house so no one else has to.” Well at least she cares enuf 2 respect my religion and sexuality. And how come you are bisexual and you say it grosses you out that your son is bisexual/gay? it makes you sound like a hipocrit. I hope you understand IT’S NOT A CHOICE. I didn’t chose to be bisexual.
hope you understand sincerely,
a girl who has no accepting,supportive family
My emotions are all over the place. I do want to support my ONLY son with this, but it is SOOOO difficult. I simply can not come to terms with it or accept it! I have personal and religious beliefs about it and yes, selfish reasons also! Oh, he is 18 years of age.
The CRAZY thing is, I SERIOUSLY have gay friends! That does not bother me, as long as its NOT IN MY HOUSE!..Does that make any sense? It is so crazy, because how is it I can accept my gay friends lifestyle, but not my own son. I said some VERY hurtful things to my son last night (2.19.10). Some of the things I said to hime still hold true; such as I am ashamed, embarrassed and disgusted by him! On the other hand, he is the most caring, responsible and sweet person I know! I tried to justify it and say he could be worthless, giving me headaches, a molester, rapist, drug addict or have sexual addictions to porn or something. All of them are just as bad to me!
Funny thing is, I KNOW my family and friends would accept it…but, again..its not in their homes!
What am I to do? I am pregnant now with a son (7 months) and what if being gay is in the genes or something? Why is it that people say they do not choose to be this way? If this is the case, how come more “liberal” (and yes I am liberal) societies who accept it, appear to have more gay children? Why does it seem like Christians have more gay children than perhaps the Muslim religions? Why is it that countries that practice religions other than Christianity, appear to have a significantly amount of less gay men? So, how is it not a choice? If it was NOT a choice, one would expect that the stricter societies would have the same amount of gay people in them.
Also, my son informed me that he was molested at day camp when he was around 6 years of age by a teenager in the bathroom. Can you believe I actually REMEMBER this! Meaning, I recall picking him up and something was weird, not right. He acted strange that day!! I use to talk to him so much and tell him to tell me if anyone ever touches him. He never did until around 6th-7th grade when I say a gay porn site he had looked at over the Internet. Then, I found other things, as he became older..to disgusting for me to speak of.
Even if I “accept” his lifestyle, I DO NOT want it around me..in my home! I honestly find it disgusting to my soul! I have thought about “strange” sexual acts I committed with men and think maybe I have been cursed. When I was 18 years old, I layed down with a woman once and HATED it! I think maybe that sin is catching up to me! I do believe you reap what you sow!
So, I also wonder, if he had not been molested, would he be gay? And, like a rape victim…who no longer trusts men, can she be changed to trust men again? My son adamantly states that he does not recall liking boys until this incident occurred. He states this was his first experience and after that, he was confused. He states like I can look at a man and find him arousing, but then I can look at a woman and say she is attractive, but it does nothing for me, this is how he looks at men and women. He finds the man arousing and nothing much for the woman. He did state he has been with girls before though.
I do not care what society says, being gay is wrong! I will never EVER accept it.
I am just so disgusted and disappointed. Thank you so much for listening.
Hello to everyone out there….My son just came out last night 2/24/10 at the age of 21. Needless to say i am hurt, but more for him. I know the world is cruel, relentless in hurting those that are different and unforgiving. I have mixed feelings—the only feeling i can say is untouched is my love for him— which is forever going to be the same. I don’t understand and am reachimng out to you for help. I also have another son that is a year and a half old with a man that i am going to marry this year—- HE is a homophobe. I cant tell him about my son because he will want him to leave the house and i feel i need my son close to me so that i can support him on this long journey. How can i help him if he cant be totally free? Hedoesnt want my mon, his grandmother to know for fear of utter rejection, though she sees him as PERFECT. I think this perfection she sees in him has him at a hangedman position with her. There is also my sister who is supportive, although very hurt for him as well. I want his happiness, but are there really any happy Gay relationships? I guess its like any other relationship— a hit or miss? I am so confused, i cant imagine what my son deals with. I want to be able to give him all i can. To me he is my son and a great young man with a lot to offer—-i want him to make the most of his life—i dont want him to be hurt by anyone—i am commited to being his rock in strength whenever he needs me. But i need help too. please, if you have any advice please email me at xkyxun@yahoo.com it would be greatly appreciated. FOR THOSE PARENTS OUT THERE UNABLE TO DEAL WITH IT, REMEMBER THIS— HE/SHE IS STILL THAT BABY YOU LOVED AND NURTURED IN YOUR WOMB. REMEMBER THEJOY OF SEEING HIS/HER FACE FOR THE FIRST TIME. REMEMBER THE HURT YO FELT WHEN THEY HURT….WELL, HE/SHE MAY BE HURTING RIGHT NOW AND YOU ARE THE CLOSEST THING TO THEM. KEEP THEM CLOSE—LOVE THEM HARD—NEVER TURN THEM OUT—THAT WOULD BE THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL. LOVE LOVE AND MORE LOVE TO ALL.
To all the parents who have left comments on this blog about how you can not accept your children as gay you should be ashamed of yourselves. How terrible!
Sherry I’m in the same exact boat .When my son was 16 I began to get suspicious regarding certain activities that were going on. I naturally confronted him and he stated that he was bi-sexual.I thought I was going to die. We got into a major argument over this issue. I will never forget that night as long as I live. I was devastated,angry and shocked to think that he was this way. As of late he stated that he doesn’t know what he really is. I live with this issue everyday of my life and it has affected my health to the point where I have to take medication. We were always close and still talk but ever since that night I feel a deep gap between us.
I love my son with all my heart, was always there for him and gave him everything that was within my power. However, I will never except this type of life style,NEVER. It is WRONG, WRONG,WRONG. God made men and women for a reason and a purpose.How can a gay person justify this ???? God loves everyone gay or straight but gay lifestyle I don’t think so.
I pray to God everyday and for everyone who is going through this heartache. I personally am leaving my situation in God’s hands. I don’t know what else to do.
On closing I would like to leave everyone a quote from the Bible. Lev. 18:22 You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.
These are not my words but words from our Creator. The decision is yours to make, it is your life.
Wishing everyone the best.
Abbie
Brad you are not a parent. We feel like we need to be true to ourselves, and here is a safe place to vent our feelings. Please let us do that (I am the mother of two gay children and am working hard at acceptance) Actually my son is now saying he is two spirited and wears make-up and feminine clothes. it’s hard, trust me.
There is no easy solutions to these gay issues and there will never be.People will do what they want regardless—end of story. It’s not even worth talking about.
Hi to everyone, My son which is 22 told me he is gay about 7 months ago…I thought it was a phase he was going through..as of today I am still hoping it is a phase..but I feel like dying. I want to die, I can’t bare this..I am praying everyday for my son that God will change him..This is so hard I cry all the time..I don;t know what to do..
I realize how difficult this is for many parents. My son (22) came out just over two years ago. I was very shocked and upset at first, but never upset with him. I was worried that I had done/let something happen to him that made him this way. I was never disgusted with him, and frankly I am shocked to see that so many people are “disgusted” with their child. He did not make a choice, he is not a bad person, he is in NO WAY less than my other two children. His lifestyle is not hedonistic, and he is not going to hell. Don’t quote the bible here, it actually condemns heterosexuals almost five times more than homosexuals. I understand religion is a very personal thing, but I am so upset to see how many people actually believe in a God of hate. I pray that you will see how much this world has to offer if you just open your eyes. There are many churches and religious organizations that support homosexuality, I suggest you do some research to see where they are coming from. It might just help you see things from a more rational point of view.
You don’t have to agree with their sexual preference (duh you’re straight) just encourage them to make healthy choices. Remember STDs are transmitted by unprotected sex, gay or straight. I know how difficult this is, you just want what’s best for your child. I promise you, they can live a happy and healthy life full of joy. You should make an effort to talk with your child about their feelings and share your own. Coming out takes guts, they did their part, now its time for you to do yours. Take them out for lunch, maybe shopping, or even just your living room. Start communicating!! I couldn’t be more proud of my son. He is graduating with honors this spring from one of the best schools in the country, he is in a loving relationship with a young man we love, and ABOVE ALL he is happy with who he is.
I’m 20 and gay and I came out to my brother about a month ago. He was surprised but seemed to be ok about it, but since then he doesn’t talk to me. He hardly asked me anything about it. Initially he said he wanted mt to tell my parents, and that he would help, but since then he just avoids me. It is very hurtful and I am starting to really hate him. Reading this just reinforces the feeling that I am alone and that I shouldn’t tell my parents. I don’t want them to hurt. Its not fair on them but its not fair on me either. However every day my resentment grows toward them. What did I do to have to carry this burden on my shoulders every day? When my parents make reference to my “future wife” or ask me whether I have a girlfriend it ruins my day. The only person who makes me happy is my boyfriend.
I am a parent of a 20 yr old son who is gay, and I couldn’t be more proud or love him more that I do right now. His dad and I have known since he was very little that he was gay. My brother is gay and so was my late aunt. This was not a choice. I may offend some parents and I’m sorry, but, this isn’t about you. I think you make it about you when you start worrying about your friends or your church, or what ever organization you belong to and what they may say or think. You know what, if they have a problem with it, that’s their problem not yours. Don’t ever let anyone or any organization tell you how you are to think, believe or act, especially when it come s to your child. You have no idea how hard it was for your child to tell you this secret they’ve been keeping. Some kids would rather commit suicide that tell their parents. I find that so sad. I thank god everyday for my gay son. He’s a great kid!
Reading these comments Iam glad I am not alone. My daughter told me in September 2009 she is either bisexual or a lesbian although I had suspected things for several years. She was always different at school,lots of things made me think she was a lesbian but then she had boyfriends and eventually became engaged to one so I just thought maybe I was overreacting. However she brought a girl into the house with some friends and immediately I sensed something was wrong – all the family disliked her, she was definitely up to something, bring her to sleep in the same room etc. as boyfriend and eventually after some very difficult incidents we told her the friend was not welcome in the house, her fiancee hated the girl and to cut a long and extremely painful time short she split from the boyfriend on the pretence of his temper problems etc. she had always been very secretive and now she is seeing her. We are all devastated and I have told her if she had been open many years ago, we had always had a very good relationship, even one which some of my friends admired, but this counted for nothing even when I sometimes would ask her gently if she wanted to talk about anything etc. on numerous occasions. She deliberately cheated on a boyfriend who had not had a great time previously with family etc. and who thought the world of her,she should have split with him and been honest although now he tells me he knew all the time and has apologised to me for lying!! How sad this makes me feel, she cheated on him for two years like this and it was such a difficult time for myself, her father and younger sister. She realises now she should have been honest but now we cannot tolerate the girl at all and she has not been allowed into our home for 18 months and we have told her she never ever will be. Our daughter ranted and raved, basically because she has not got her own way, and we have told her that we have always welcomed friends etc. before and probably will with someone else but never with this girl. Just her name makes me feel sick – I have never hated anyone so much in all my life, my husband and I have rowed endlessly although we are better now, my younger daughter has nothing but contempt for her sister, my daughter does not want anyone to know “as it may not last!” I actually wish I had never had my daughter now, I never thought this would happen to us, she is successful academically but has always had problems socially and with friends. My husband and I have actually told each other we would like to tell her to clear off but know that is not the solution and we both admit we prefer it when she is not in the house, even her sister says this! she is still secretive but we always know when she is seeing her, paying for hotels to stay in, trips to other towns, probably where no one will recognise her! I have said be open and if you were happy with someone you would be proud to be seen with them and that in the end it always come out and someone will see you somewhere but still she creeps around. I have told her she will always be welcome at home, will always have a room (twice she has tried to move out with the girl!) and that many people have partners who their families don’t like but I sometimes think where did this all go wrong, if I had my time now I would not have had her as the joy she should have brought us is ruined by what is happening and I just can’t see any end to it all.
I would be grateful for any advice or help from anyone
I am so glad I am not alone, I have cried every day since my daughter told me and even when she told me she would not have dinner tonight and I guessed where she was going, tears came into my eyes as I was putting my make up on! My life has turned upside down and like another person said things that used to make me happy have no effect anymore, I would agree with others that so many websites come out with the same old rubbish of he/she is still your sone/daughter – no they are not i am mourning the loss of the daughter I thought I once had. My brother in law is gay, a nephew is gay – all on my husbands side and we suspect another family mem ber is and now my other daughter has said she doesn’t even know if she wants children other wise she will probably end up with a gay child! How sad the world is! my lesbian daughter has said it is not hereditary but i wonder, considering her spiteful comments I do truly wonder about this, my daughter has said the most hurtful things as she has said she doesn’t want to be gay, that I should have checked my husbands history etc. out before I married him! and many more things – I felt like saying to her I wished I could have chekd you out too!! I am just sooooo sad and have no one really to talk to as my friends have told me they are just glad it’s not their kids but they do feel for me!they do try to help but admit they can’t imagine how they would feel!
We really do need a website for parents!
Hi,I’m a gay/bisexual male.I’m 15,and I’m turning 16 in 2 months.I haven’t come out to anyone yet.I’m not angry with You,but You are making this situation seem like it is harder on You than it is him.I’m not saying that what You are going through isn’t painful,but It wasn’t his choice at all. I can guarantee You,Me and a lot of other gay/bi people at some point or another if given the choice,would have rather been straight.Imagine waking up every morning just knowing:”Out of everyone in the world,I am gay.For no reason,I was chosen to be gay”.You need to accept the fact that he is gay/bi.You don’t have to support it,but You should accept it.You should feel honored and flattered that Your son had the courage to come out to You,because he feels that comfortable with You.If I ever get a boyfriend,I have to live with the fact that I will never be able to hold hands with him in public,because I will get made fun of or beaten up.I can;t get married legally,like everyone else.Imagine being hated because You are heterosexual.I understand You are going through hard times,but I hate myself for being gay/bi.I just got done cutting myself,because the physical pain feels better than the emotional pain of knowing I will never be able to live like everyone else.Imagine being depressed because You know that 99.9% of the guys You get a crush on,will never feel the same way about You.Be thankful that You are straight.I’m not saying this to You,but to everyone who is straight.Be thankful that You can live without being hated for who You are.Just give Your son support,please…please.You can both make it through this if You just talk about it.
To those of you parents who are disgusted by your gay children or embarassed or have said you want to die because your child is gay. You need to go to a support group! This is your child that you loved up until the moment you were told they were gay. I have never stopped loving my son and have NEVER been disgusted or embarrased by him. Being gay doesn’t change who they are. You are the one that changes. I am so saddened by these comments…
Homosexuality is hard for anyone to deal with. So many parents express emotions of disgust and confusion. This is understandable and you should not be judged harshly by anyone for having this reaction. I assure you that it took your child a long…long time to accept them self and that they most likely had those exact same emotions.
I am 22 and about to graduate college with a degree in Cell Biology. My parents are so excited and I feel terrible because I am withholding information from them. I have not told anyone of my secret. One thing I have discovered though is that as time goes on it gets harder and harder to carry the burden. My parents are very conservative individuals and as a result I could never tell them. I feel it would kill them. Jack, who posted earlier, talked about his parents making comments about his “future wife” and possible girlfriends. I laughed a little, because I know how that feels. It too depresses me whenever my parents make a statement like that because in my mind I am seeing the day when they might finally suspect their worst fear. Right now they simply think I have set my standards for potential girlfriends too high and that I don’t think anyone is good enough. I also have great friends, none of which share my problem. Right now I am in an awkward situation because there is a girl who I am great friends with and we go to church every Sunday together. The problem is that she is beginning to see me as more than a friend and has become more “physical” (not in the sense of sex, but stuff like holding my hand, little things like that). I don’t try to give her false hope, but at the same time I don’t repel away from her. It is awkward because I don’t feel anything more toward her than friendship. My best friend is in several classes with me and he is certain I like her and tells me I am just afraid to admit it to myself. Like I said before I have not told anyone my secret. They are my two closest friends and while I am certain the girl would accept me, the same would not be true for my best friend. If he ever found our friendship would change. I am planning to be single for the rest of my life.
I just wanted to say to all the parents that my heart sympathizes with you because I know that my parents would also have a difficult time accepting me. Just understand that your kids still love you very much and that they would do anything for you. Even if you push them away because you don’t know any other way to deal with their sexuality, they will still care about you. I am convinced that if they told you about their secret it is because it became too much of a burden for them to carry on their own.
Dear Anonymous, I just found out in Sept. 2009 that my daughter had a girlfriend. I was very depressed and at times wish I could just run away from it all. i couldn’t accept her and her new way of life. I still love my daughter and will never stop loving her. It’s just not normal (for me) and it’s going to take some time to understand. I pray everyday for me and her. Please try to understand your parents feelings. They only want the best for you even though it may be hard for you to believe right now. The lifestyle you have chosen is not an easy one and you’re going to have to give a little, because like it or not, IT IS hard to accept because it is “different”. And what parents want their child to be different? The first thing you need to do is start loving yourself and stop cutting. I can tell you are a very caring person and you deserve to be happy. I also have 2 other family members who are gay. It wasn’t easy for them in the beginning, but they manage to live the life they want without making a “big deal” out of it. Take it slow around your family and don’t push it on them. I don’t stop my daughter from going out with her friend, but i don’t allow it at my home. Eventually that may change, but right now she respects my feelings and it has made a world of difference in our relationship. Best of luck to you and remember you’re still young, and you still have time for “love”. Enjoy life and enjoy being you and the rest will work out! I hope this didn’t make things worse for you. i just wanted you to understand it from a parents point of view.
I can’t help but cry as I read these stories. So many of them could have been written by me…using the exact same words I’ve said to myself. My 14 year old son recently told me he is gay. I spent almost a week not being able to function at all. You see, if someone had told me to finish this sentence: My son can be anything he wants to be except…I would have immediately said gay. I was engaged to a man who told me he was gay. I thought my world had come to an end then, not realizing I would be going through this again. No one knows except our immediate family, so I have no one to talk to. My husband is okay with it because he thinks it is just a phase he is going through. I think I’m having such a harder time because I know it’s not. It might not be as hard, but as someone else stated, my son, too, has become very self-centered. I feel he is also being cruel by flaunting everything gay since he found out how I feel. All of his books, music, TV, movies, etc. revolve around people being gay. I constantly find him on disgusting websites that I wouldn’t allow gay or straight. He knows this, but he seems to get some sort of satisfaction out of me seeing it and becoming angry. He has a younger brother and I don’t want him seeing any of this, even though he does know his brother is gay. I feel like all of my hopes and dreams I had for my son have just gone up in smoke. We had a long talk about this when he told me one of his friends was gay last fall. The boy’s mother was “psycho”. I tried to explain to my son what she was going through and now I’m going through the same thing. How can he get so much pleasure out of hurting me when we have always been so close? We always had a very open relationship and talked about so much more than his friends did with their parents. I feel like I have lost my son and I don’t know what I can do about it. If it was just being gay, it might be easier, but it’s all the other stuff on top of it that is driving me crazy. I don’t know what to do.
Any parents on here who are wondering why it’s hard to accept your gay children, let me tell you why: because you’re bigots! If you weren’t, acceptance would be a MUCH easier thing.
My son who is nearly 18 met a gay man of 26. After the initial shock we accepted it. Of course it was hard. After living with us for nearly 2 weeks he talked my son into leaving home. We have no contact with our son or brother and have no idea what is going on. This bloke controls him. I have ranted, cried and swore. This bloke seemed nice and caring. My son is now gay. I feel so lost.
Eight months down the line since my daughter told me,things certainly have not got any easier! She is quite open and blatant in many ways about being a lesbian but does not want me to tell my friends etc.! My husband does not want anyone to know but surely everyone can tell!!he is deeply embarrassed about it and won’t talk about it at all, we can only row about it really of which we do frequently and now I have just said I don’t want to talk about anymore as it is just too upsetting. My daughter has turned into a slut, having fun she calls it, sleeping with whoever she fancies! what a nightmare! A huge gap has come between us although she seems to think all is well, I would not be happy with her bahaviour if she was heterosexual so I just keep quiet and let her get on with it, what a nightmare! I look at parents with babies now and think ****** hell I hope this never happens to you! We have flowers arriving from girlfriends, etc everything that would happen in a normal boy/girl relationship although I suppose this is what happens! She is selfish beyond reason now (always was anyway but worse now, totally self centred) and has also asked us how we plan to spend any money we have!! To that effect we have booked several holidays and I have told her I am buying a new car! What has gone wrong, she was a sweet little girl and started being difficult about 10/11, so many problems at school with bullying etc. and friends and now I can see it was all down to her sexuality. Can’t imagine how it took her 10 years to confront it! all it has done is make it ten times worse and cause more problems.
The only way I cope and would perhaps LOL advise others is to get on with your own life and switch off! if that’s possible. We told her we didn’t want any of her “friends” in our house when we went away last month as even she admits she is a very poor judge, so what does she do, bring them into our home while we are away! My husband wants to tell her to move out but I don’t think that will help the situation. Our other daughter would not bring people home she had only just met as her friends are longstanding of several years and even she admits she can’t understand her sister’s logic – she accepts she is a lesbian and is fairly OK with it although wishes she wasn’t. The other problem is the constant lying our daughter does, she is incapable of telling anyone the same story twice! unbelieveable, I don’t even listen now as it is pointless!
The problem I face is I cannot imagine sitting at a table with my daughter and her girlfriend! I personally don’t even want to meet them but then i may as well kiss goodbye to my daughter! What an absolute mess our family is now! How I would love to have had a look into the future and foreseen all this and then I could have avoided it! Hindsight is a wonderful thing!
Dear Sherry,
I am gay and im 16 almost 17, I find you completely selfish and ignorant. He’s 19 you don’t neet to accept his life style if I was 19 I would’ve left my piece of shit life beside my mother. Everyday she hits me, but not enough to leave a mark because if she did then I would report, she critisizes me, and treats me as if I was an animal. No one desides to be gay! If I had the choice to not be gay I would’ve chosen it a long time ago. I’ve gone through so much due to the fact that my mother is a piece of shit. If I would’ve never told her anything I would’ve most likely killed myself. You need to realize that by you being selfish and ignorant, you’re not helping any one. If you continue your son WILL choose the wrong road don’t make the mistakes my mother has made! I KNOW that I am going to make bad decisions due to the fact that my mother makes me want to end my life. Be there for him don’t be stupid he’s your son! Be his mom!
I wish there was a website where I could find better moral, Christian-based support. I had originally went to PFLAGs website, and it was obvious that they are all about equality and acceptance… and less about morals and values. While I will always love my 20-year-old daughter who came out to us 6 months ago, I will never APPROVE of her lifestyle. I have learned that there is a distinct difference between accepting and approving. I have to ACCEPT the fact that she is an adult making immoral decisions. I will not approve of those decisions. That, of course, is causing a rift in our relationship. We have met her girlfriend (whom she has moved out and is living with since making this life choice) on two separate occasions. She is a very nice girl, just like our daughter. Unfortunately, they are both confused and influenced by a society that says homosexuality is OK. It is NOT OK!
Kudos to Abbie who quoted Leviticus. God can’t make it any clearer. Homosexuality is WRONG!!! It IS a choice that too many young people are making. We are created in God’s image, for His glory. God doesn’t make mistakes. We CHOOSE to make mistakes.
I found out kind of by accident that my daughter is gay. She was in high school and spent the night over a “friend” house. I found out from the friends mother…then my daughter confirmed it. She is still living at home, but in college. She went to visit a friend and now wants to bring that friend home to meet me and the family. I think she may be bisexual if anything, because she still talks about having a family..having children. I really don’t know what to think. I want to talk with her about it, but I’m vrey uncomfortable about the whole thing. I thought the “sex” talk was going to be rough when she was younger…that was easy compared to this. I want her to know that there is nothing that will make me not love her, but Im not dealing with this choice of hers very well. Please Help!
I too found out about my daughter suposely gay life style, I can not accept it, I will never reconcile it with what I know Jesus is about, I love my daughter but I do not love this deception she is believing from the Devil,, Please pray for her, as I will do for all of you, thank you,NANCY
I am going through exactly through the same thing with my son age and all but he’s also slow, mentally too……..I am in despair im depress and have no one to talk to , i cry every night, he lives with me and goes away with his friend for weeks at at time, while im struggling with bills,the reality he does have disabilities being mentally developed……… and really doesnt even get it that the power is going to be shut off. Single mom,,,,,,,,who is alone with out support……… I dont need the preaching of other people views say this is ok, cause my religion says its not….. I know we have gay rights in this country, what about straight rights……… It works both ways don’t you think……I was even turned down of a job, cause i wasn’t gay…Imagine that……
I physically feel i need to talk to a doctor, i cant sleep, at all, I am a insist rape survior. I sheltered my kids from any harm,,, and now my son future is going to the toliet….. did evry thing to protect him and hes mentally slow, and just doesnt get, since all these people are telling him bunch of crap….. Me being close to him has now ended
In response to Natalie, (JUNE 10th)
When I read the disrespectful rubbish that you have written, I feel nothing but pure rage at your ignorance and arrogance towards your situation. I do not even intend to get into the religious debate, but I find it hysterical that even now, in 2010, there still exist such pathetic beliefs. In my opinion we all have one life and we should live it however we see fit.
FACT: NO ONE WHO IS GAY, CHOOSES TO BE GAY!
This rubbish you speak of people being confused, lost and misguided by the ways of modern society is ridiculous. I CHOOSE to drink alcohol, despite knowing the potential health implications of its consumption. I CHOOSE to not drive my car home after I have been drinking with my friends, but I DO NOT CHOOSE to be hit by a car whilst walking home.
Believe it or not some things are out of our hands and sexuality is no different. It is simply one of three things:
A). A genetic dispositions handed down through the process of reproduction
B). The child life to which we are exposed (role models/ the behaviour and beliefs of influential people around us)
OR
C). A combination of the pair
Given this I put forward the question of whether it is even the matter of your daughter being gay or straight that is the real issue for you? Or is it simply your inability to accept that through one way or another, you are responsible for your daughter’s sexual choice, whether that be through genetics or you parental skills.
Furthermore, I question your morals, as a ‘loving Christian mother’ who is unprepared to accept and approve of their daughter based on her sexual orientation. When you look at your daughter is all you see, a Lesbian? An immoral, confused, homosexual or are you sensible enough to see that this is just a aspect of your daughter’s life, which I’m sure is most certainly not all she is.
In truth I know that this is nothing more than wasted breath, with you being ‘one of those’ from ‘that generation’ but it just enrages me to think what your daughter would feel like if she read these comments and discovered the front you exhibit in front of her.
Regardless of your daughter’s sexuality, she is your daughter and she is a lesbian and there is NOTHING wrong with that.
Mike