Gay Son Concerns
Dear everyone, who is is the same boat. My son Adam who is 26 years of age, a delightful,friendly and very “adult” man, came to me 2 weeks before Fathers Day, and told me he was Gay.I was elated, for being a Mother, you just know. From the age of 16 years I knew, but new it up to him to tell me. Unfortunately, my marriage broke up because of a handicapped son Ben who would have been 28 this year, he died when he was 10. I have another son, 22 Luke, is just so “into”girls. I do not know how many he has had since he was 16.
Anyway, when Adam told me I was just so glad for he was “set free” and to live life, with me hoping to meet his friends. I never met his friends, and all was very suspicious with his “love life” so I was relieved when he told me. Adam was scare to go to his father, but I told him that it was best he found out from Adam and no one else.
His father took it, however, Adam is in hospitality, and doing very well, however, he was leaving Sydney to go to the Brisbane Hilton. He was there for three weeks, after leaving his friends and “partner” in Sydney. He was feeling lonely and lost and missing his “partner’ and so I go a phone call last Thursday from Adam saying that he was in Sydney, saying that Alex had been “drugged raped” I just could not get my head around all of this for I am not into drugs, Adam isn’t and I just asked how did it happen. Apparently the gay bars are full of this and I just told him to be careful, and make sure Alex was tested.
Alex was just so pleased to see Adam at the airport, and it was just so beautiful, that these “gay guys” really do feel that emotion. I was pleased and was going to fly to Sydney to see what I could do. I was then told there was nothing and it was best for them to work it out His father is absolutely balistic, that Adam now wants to go back to Sydney, and is probably wanting to disinherit dear Adam.
I am at logger heads, as who to turn to for I am not ophay with type of new “sexual explotations” and it is all so new in all directions. I told Adam not to tell his father about the “drug rape” as he would be down in a flash and just doing what he does best and just takes over, rants and raves and just does not see a clear picture. Anyway this is my story, and if any of the readers of this can help me that would be great Cheers Lindy Garfield
I can relate very well My husband and I could see that our son had choosen the gaylife style but as open as we tried to be our son( 20) would not open up to us.Recently he came home and suddenly disappeared with phone in hand The fear of the unknown is so difficult.So I appraoched our son and asked if he was Ok ?I then shared that we knew of his lifestlye choice,It was like having the difficult but needed talk about Sex we have to give to all our children.He actually seemed grateful that I spoke up .we had a very open discussion about safety and he assured me he is always careful about meeting partners .I was saddened to hear how he struggled with issues of family and his place as the only male to carry on family name and he worked this out all alone over a long painful time.Now I can adjust and he knows we can talk about it all He seemed very releaved.I feel confident he will reach out o us if he needs us for whatever lies ahead.I believe all parents want that .Glad the group is here for me and you
As a psychotherapist and researcher of gay and lesbian families, I find it indeed heartwarming to read about such accepting parents. I also think it is a big plus for both of these families that their children can speak openly to them about issues of sexuality and safety.
Lindy, I am sure it is indeed frightening to learn that your son’s partner was a victim of a drug rape. Though I do not believe this is terribly common, reports of date rape drugs have surfaced in both straight and gay venues in the U.S. My personal experience in clubs and bars in New York City is that patrons are careful to keep a sharp eye on their cocktails, never leaving them unattended, and unfortunately, it seems like Adam and Alex have learned this lesson the hard way.
My research and psychotherapy experience has taught me that in families with good parent-child relationships, young-adult children, even gay children, feel an obligation to their parents to stay healthy and safe. Thus, Lindy and the previous writer might want to have a talk with their sons, telling them how much they love them, how pleased they are that thier sons confided in them and also how upset they would be if any harm befell them. Since they are adults, try to have a dialogue (no preaching!) about safety issues and ask your children what they do to keep themselves safe. Use humor such as: “Help your dear mother sleep better at night.” or “You know, I have to ask about these things–it is a requirement on my “mother’s license.”
I hope that helps. Again, my admiration goes out to both of these parents (and their sons) for establishing and maintaining such accepting, open relationships.
Dr. Michael LaSala
Rutgers University
http://www.michaellasala.com
http://www.comingoutcominghome.com
Hello i was reading every body blog and it was very interesting.My mother is not supportive.I ask her about why and she thinks being gay is the worst sin a person can do against God.I dont agree.I belive God created me just the way he wanted me.Even though i have had no support at all.I know that iam not alone in this.Sucide rates are very high with gay people simply because no one will listen to there cry and be a soupport.It breaks my heart into to know this still goes on.Some people dont belive in a thing called brain washing.But let me tell you it is very real.partents need to hear there children.we are people not aliens nor diease freaks or any other nasty thing they want to call us.I wish there was support groups in every town city every where for people that like us need to be heard.
May God Be with Everybody Who struggles in this world.
HI Debbie,
Thank you for this wonderful blog. I write about my own son and the struggles of having a child who has borderline personality disorder. He is also gay and I have written about that in some of my blogs. We have always been accepting of his sexual identification, as has the rest of our family. What is shocking is that even in one of the most liberal cities in the world he is still the victim of sexual harassment. I would like to help him help himself so that is less of an issue. Please read my blog so you will get a better idea of what I am talking about. I will continue to read yours and thank you for the support this offers. www. normalisjustaword.com