I am a career soldier, combat arms, numerous tours in war zones. That partly defines me.

I am a Christian, though my parents were not. I found comfort in the church and learning right from wrong in a moral environment.

I am married and straight. I never found a man attractive.

My son just graduated from college and then announced he was gay.

I am trying to reconcile being a combat soldier, conservative, and christian with having a gay son.

My first reaction: Holy Crap! Yuk!

Second reaction: sadness and depression. (I am just trying to be truthful with you – and I know I will be criticized by others on this site – whatever!).

I have PTSD from numerous tours in Iraq so I didn’t sleep well before. Now, I do not sleep at all. All I feel is emptiness, pain and anxiety.

I told my son I love him and do not want to lose him. But I feel tortured and at times suicidal. Not sure how this will end.

I AM NOT AN EXPERT ABOUT ANYTHING…BUT I STRUGGLED WITH SIMILAR ISSUES WITH MY FAMILY. NOT QUITE AS BAD DIRECTLY. I AM A FOLLOWER OF JESUS…SOME CALL IT CHRISTIAN. ONE DAY SOME YEARS AGO I PRAYED AND ASK GOD TO SPEAK TO ME IN A WAY THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND, THAT I COULD NOT MISTAKE FOR ANYTHING ELSE…I WOULD DO WHATEVER HE ASKED, REQUESTED ETC….AND HE DID…HE STARTED LEADING ME TO VERSES THAT MADE ME OK WITH WHO I AM, WHO HE CREATED ME TO BE…ONE IS” CAN THE POT ASK THE POTTER WHY HAVE YOU MADE ME THUS? DOES THE POT HAVE HANDS TO CREATE?” AND MANY MANY MORE….HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU….GOD FIRST LOVED US….HE DIDNT MAKE YOU TO HATE YOU…PRAY FOR YOURSELF, YOUR FAMILY AND WHOEVER ELSE…AND HE WILL WORK IT OUT FOR YOU….JUST WAIT AND SEE…..HE IS BIGGER THAN ANYTHING THAT COMES AGIANST YOU….I HAVE PRAYED FOR YOU….ALSO…PEACE

I am so sad to hear that your siblings have treated you so unkindly. (You need to remind them that you are
“A Child of God”), or you could always tell them that there is a good chance that they will “go to hell” for judging you and being so cruel. I too, was raised in an LDS family, and raised our children in the faith as well, although I have had bouts of inactivity. Just recently our 15 yr old daughter told us that she is pretty certain that she is gay. I won’t tell you that it didn’t cross my mind that she was gay. She told me that she has known since she was in the 7th grade. Initially, it “ripped my heart out,” but at the same time I could only imagine what she was and has been feeling. I thought how courageous of her to be forthcoming. It also made me feel grateful that she felt that she could tell us. Together, “we” (our daughter, my husband, and I)… spent many hours crying our eyes out. I know that the Lord guided my tongue as I struggled to find the right words to say to her. I did not want her to feel any worse, than I could only imagine she had and has been feeling for so long. I know that a weight has been lifted for her, and for so many reasons that relieves me. Her brother, (he is 3 yrs. older), and whom she is and has always been close has handled it well. He seemed a bit shocked, but like me, I believe that he was suspicious too! He treats her no different. She is an exceptional athlete. She plays hockey lacrosse and field hockey, and I always joked that she would play football if they let her. She attends a private, boarding high school and loves it there, (but, still can’t play football It is a small school and she does very well socially, athletically and academically. She did tell some of her friends, but told me that she was more concerned about what my (LDS) family would think. They all said they love her nonetheless, and some figured that she is just confused (I know she’s not). My mom has been in denial most of her life (my dad joined the church in his latter years, but was an abusive alcoholic most of our lives…obviously where the denial comes from). I apologize for being so lengthy, but it’s only been two months since our daughter told us, and we haven’t really spoken of it since. I have reminded her that the door of communication remains open. And, we continue to just love and support her. We will see what happens as time goes on. I hope that we will do and say the right things. I don’t want her to regress, so I am cautious about what to say to her, yet I feel that I am entitled to my emotions too. We lost our first child to SIDS (a girl), so selfishly I feel a bit deprived, as does her dad (he was hoping to walk her down the aisle…I would NEVER tell her that), but I feel that I should be able to be open with my feelings. Please tell me what I should avoid saying so that I don’t hurt her or make her feel worse. She is funny as hell, very self assured creative, smart and very well liked, by ALL!!! I would never want to strip her of any of this. Chris, you have inspired me, and I know that you are loved by your Father in Heaven, and you are so much a better person than your siblings (you need to pray for their salvation). Your parents are truly blessed to have you in their lives!!! I don’t know if you should move away from your parents, but I think you should detach yourself from your siblings. I know it will be difficult, but we are all responsible for our own happiness…do not let them hold you back from being loved…you deserve to be loved. This is what we told our daughter too!!! Best of luck, Michelle