Family Verses Living As A Gay Male
I am a 21 year old gay male, have always known that I was gay never really had any attraction whatsoever to members of the opposite sex. Although i had been active since Junior High I did not come out to my family until Fall of 2005. Now my parents are considerably older then normal My mom is 77 and my dad is 84 (I was adopted by my mothers parents at the age of 5) and they were kinda mad but after a while got over it. But my siblings have never gotten over the fact, My Sister tried to force me to move out of my parents home because my family was all convinced that I had transmitted some sexual disease and that I would infect my parents by living in the same home. Was tested twice both times came out fine but they still are convinced there is something wrong with me.
Although I get tested every so often and I am perfectly fine. Also my family is a very strong LDS (Mormon) most of my siblings and my parents have had multiple church callings through the years devoted to their religion, I was also an active member of the church until I came out and had a couple confrontations and just got sick of it. But my siblings are always on my back frequently making cracks such as “Your going to go to hell unless you change your ways”, “you’re not gay no such thing, you just haven’t met the right girl”, “you need to be more butch or you’ll never get anywhere in this world”, “People don’t hire fagots you’ll struggle all of your life unless you straighten up” and other such derogatory comments.
And also at family gathering how my nieces and nephews etc.always bring their boyfriends/girlfriends, fiance/fiancee and it is perfectly fine great. But if I ever came with someone that I was interested in or even any of my family members met him I would never hear the end of it. Also just irritates me how my family members treat me so badly, yet always expect me to help out with my aging parents whenever one of them can’t come through with what they were supposed to do. Some friends of mine have frequently told me that I should just move out of the area and forget about them, and start my own life.
Which I agree with to a point but I love my parents dearly and want to be here to help them out. I just don’t understand, have had a few bad issues in the family due to infidelity, pre-marital affairs, etc. but eventually they blow over. But with me I haven’t done anything, I’m a good guy, self sufficient, frequently help out with my family. But they treat me like I am some low-life due to the fact that I am gay. I know or should I say hope things will change eventually but for now just not sure on what to do.
Chris
Dear Chris,
I am so sad to hear that your siblings have treated you so unkindly. (You need to remind them that you are
It is a small school and she does very well socially, athletically and academically. She did tell some of her friends, but told me that she was more concerned about what my (LDS) family would think. They all said they love her nonetheless, and some figured that she is just confused (I know she’s not). My mom has been in denial most of her life (my dad joined the church in his latter years, but was an abusive alcoholic most of our lives…obviously where the denial comes from). I apologize for being so lengthy, but it’s only been two months since our daughter told us, and we haven’t really spoken of it since. I have reminded her that the door of communication remains open. And, we continue to just love and support her. We will see what happens as time goes on. I hope that we will do and say the right things. I don’t want her to regress, so I am cautious about what to say to her, yet I feel that I am entitled to my emotions too. We lost our first child to SIDS (a girl), so selfishly I feel a bit deprived, as does her dad (he was hoping to walk her down the aisle…I would NEVER tell her that), but I feel that I should be able to be open with my feelings. Please tell me what I should avoid saying so that I don’t hurt her or make her feel worse. She is funny as hell, very self assured creative, smart and very well liked, by ALL!!! I would never want to strip her of any of this. Chris, you have inspired me, and I know that you are loved by your Father in Heaven, and you are so much a better person than your siblings (you need to pray for their salvation). Your parents are truly blessed to have you in their lives!!! I don’t know if you should move away from your parents, but I think you should detach yourself from your siblings. I know it will be difficult, but we are all responsible for our own happiness…do not let them hold you back from being loved…you deserve to be loved. This is what we told our daughter too!!! Best of luck, Michelle
“A Child of God”), or you could always tell them that there is a good chance that they will “go to hell” for judging you and being so cruel. I too, was raised in an LDS family, and raised our children in the faith as well, although I have had bouts of inactivity. Just recently our 15 yr old daughter told us that she is pretty certain that she is gay. I won’t tell you that it didn’t cross my mind that she was gay. She told me that she has known since she was in the 7th grade. Initially, it “ripped my heart out,” but at the same time I could only imagine what she was and has been feeling. I thought how courageous of her to be forthcoming. It also made me feel grateful that she felt that she could tell us. Together, “we” (our daughter, my husband, and I)… spent many hours crying our eyes out. I know that the Lord guided my tongue as I struggled to find the right words to say to her. I did not want her to feel any worse, than I could only imagine she had and has been feeling for so long. I know that a weight has been lifted for her, and for so many reasons that relieves me. Her brother, (he is 3 yrs. older), and whom she is and has always been close has handled it well. He seemed a bit shocked, but like me, I believe that he was suspicious too! He treats her no different. She is an exceptional athlete. She plays hockey lacrosse and field hockey, and I always joked that she would play football if they let her. She attends a private, boarding high school and loves it there, (but, still can’t play football
Chris,
Someone as loving and caring as you should have no problem finding a *new*, appropriate, family to share a life with. There are just some moments where you need to gracefully make your exit off the stage. Once their no longer ruling over your life and your self-confidence, you’ll find how strong and happy you can live your life. It’ll be their loss.
I’m not saying to stop talking to them right way, or for forever, but you shouldn’t let them harm you so extensively. Going out on your own would help you most, in this situation, especially if they keep accusing you of ludicrous things.
You are… “Beautifully and Wonderfully made” … and for that no one has the right to judge you but the Father in heaven.
I know that it’s hard to let go. It’s something that I don’t even know *I* would be able to do. Things are stable at home, not so hurtful, BUT if I was in your situation I wouldn’t look back until I was too far away to change my mind. I’m lucky. I’ve got a sister who is supportive of anything, even if my parents aren’t happy. When you find people to be safe with, that’s your true family- your true home.
God Bless!
Jordanne