Comments on: Distressed Mom Of Gay Son http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son Help For Parents Of Gay Children Sat, 10 Dec 2011 03:33:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.3 By: Sid http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-60030 Sid Mon, 14 Nov 2011 21:06:58 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-60030 Hi All Three days ago I found out that my youngest son is gay. He told me that in the middle of conversation. It could not stand up, my world fall apart. I told him I love him, but deep down I can’t accept that. I have been crying for the last 3 days. I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. In my religion gay is a sin, so if his father knew he will die, and his sister will not find any one of our religion accept her, so she lost the chance of having a family. I fell I wasn’t a good mother and I did not raise my kid the right way. I don’t think I can handle it. I don’t know what to do, I am in so pain and guilt, I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what will happen when his father or sister find out, I fell I am sitting on ticking bomb. Hi All
Three days ago I found out that my youngest son is gay. He told me that in the middle of conversation. It could not stand up, my world fall apart. I told him I love him, but deep down I can’t accept that. I have been crying for the last 3 days. I don’t know what to do or how to handle it. In my religion gay is a sin, so if his father knew he will die, and his sister will not find any one of our religion accept her, so she lost the chance of having a family. I fell I wasn’t a good mother and I did not raise my kid the right way. I don’t think I can handle it. I don’t know what to do, I am in so pain and guilt, I can’t stop crying. I don’t know what will happen when his father or sister find out, I fell I am sitting on ticking bomb.

]]> By: Missy http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-45662 Missy Sun, 18 Sep 2011 17:42:54 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-45662 Hi there- When I read your letter it was like I was reading my life story. I too have an 18 year old son who is gay. I don't agree with most of his choices but like you said too...he needs to learn to deal with them on his own sooner or later...may as well be now. I would love to chat more with you in private about this matter. Maybe you could give me ideas and tips and I could give you some that you don't know...I cry and cry and cry...Then I decide I'm going to put it in Gods hands and things go good for a day or so and then WHAM right back to where we were. I am under constant stress. I too like you need to find someone to talk to that understands...I would love to chat with you soon...Good luck and hopefully we can chat soon... Signed Mother who feels like she can do NOTHING right... Hi there-
When I read your letter it was like I was reading my life story. I too have an 18 year old son who is gay. I don’t agree with most of his choices but like you said too…he needs to learn to deal with them on his own sooner or later…may as well be now. I would love to chat more with you in private about this matter. Maybe you could give me ideas and tips and I could give you some that you don’t know…I cry and cry and cry…Then I decide I’m going to put it in Gods hands and things go good for a day or so and then WHAM right back to where we were. I am under constant stress. I too like you need to find someone to talk to that understands…I would love to chat with you soon…Good luck and hopefully we can chat soon…
Signed
Mother who feels like she can do NOTHING right…

]]> By: Kathy http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-44222 Kathy Fri, 16 Sep 2011 00:46:41 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-44222 Most of you say you've known for years that your son is gay before he came out to you. My story is this: My son had a girlfriend for over 5 years, a very serious relationship. He just turned 20. Earlier this year, they broke up, but it wasn't the first time. I just assumed it would be a matter of time before they got back again. It didn't happen. A few months went by, he was normal. Always quiet, kept to himself, never went out. He lived away for the school year (because of school); and came back home in May until Sept. When he first came home, everything was normal, then June came. He started going out all the time, never would tell me where he was going or who he was with. (very out of character for him). I started getting worried and started asking him questions. But he was always really vague. He did tell me finally who he was hanging out with (a guy that he met). More time went by, somehow I had a hunch that this guy was gay. So about a month later, I sat him down and asked him if his friend was gay. He said yes. Then I asked him if he was having a relationship with him. He wouldn't answer me, left the house, and then wouldn't even talk to me for about a week. I went crazy, crying non-stop, didn't know how to deal with it. He started talking to me again, but not about anything. I've tried over the whole summer to talk to him whenever I would get the chance, but he's always vague. Then last week he came home, and blurted out that he and his friend broke up. I just said "oh, I didn't even know you were together because you would never tell me". So now I can tell he's absolutely devastated. I feel he would do anything for this guy, and I worry about that. I've asked him several times to bring him by so we can meet him, but he never did. I worry because now he's back living on his own (because of school). I just wish he would come and talk to me, that's all I want. I realize he might not fully understand himself, and perhaps that's why he won't talk. But how long do I have to wait. I can't wait years for him to talk to me. I worry about who he's with and what kind of influences others might have on him. He's always been a straight-laced kid, good grades, etc. and now I'm worried about his school, his happiness (or lack of). Please tell me what I need to do in order for him to come and talk to me. I can't move on or rest easy until he does. I know I will always love him, and accept him for whatever he decides. I think he knows that too, so what is he so afraid of. I know other people know (his ex-girlfriend knows) he told me that. Everytime I try and bring anything up, he just shuts me down. I just want him to let me into his life, just a little. I don't think I'm an overbearing mother that has to know everything about my kids lives (even though they are both adults); I just want us all to stay a close family and be open with each other. Does anyone have any answers for me, perhaps someone his own age who has gone through this already can help. Please comment. Thanks. Most of you say you’ve known for years that your son is gay before he came out to you. My story is this: My son had a girlfriend for over 5 years, a very serious relationship. He just turned 20. Earlier this year, they broke up, but it wasn’t the first time. I just assumed it would be a matter of time before they got back again. It didn’t happen. A few months went by, he was normal. Always quiet, kept to himself, never went out. He lived away for the school year (because of school); and came back home in May until Sept. When he first came home, everything was normal, then June came. He started going out all the time, never would tell me where he was going or who he was with. (very out of character for him). I started getting worried and started asking him questions. But he was always really vague. He did tell me finally who he was hanging out with (a guy that he met). More time went by, somehow I had a hunch that this guy was gay. So about a month later, I sat him down and asked him if his friend was gay. He said yes. Then I asked him if he was having a relationship with him. He wouldn’t answer me, left the house, and then wouldn’t even talk to me for about a week. I went crazy, crying non-stop, didn’t know how to deal with it. He started talking to me again, but not about anything. I’ve tried over the whole summer to talk to him whenever I would get the chance, but he’s always vague. Then last week he came home, and blurted out that he and his friend broke up. I just said “oh, I didn’t even know you were together because you would never tell me”. So now I can tell he’s absolutely devastated. I feel he would do anything for this guy, and I worry about that. I’ve asked him several times to bring him by so we can meet him, but he never did. I worry because now he’s back living on his own (because of school). I just wish he would come and talk to me, that’s all I want. I realize he might not fully understand himself, and perhaps that’s why he won’t talk. But how long do I have to wait. I can’t wait years for him to talk to me. I worry about who he’s with and what kind of influences others might have on him. He’s always been a straight-laced kid, good grades, etc. and now I’m worried about his school, his happiness (or lack of). Please tell me what I need to do in order for him to come and talk to me. I can’t move on or rest easy until he does. I know I will always love him, and accept him for whatever he decides. I think he knows that too, so what is he so afraid of. I know other people know (his ex-girlfriend knows) he told me that. Everytime I try and bring anything up, he just shuts me down. I just want him to let me into his life, just a little. I don’t think I’m an overbearing mother that has to know everything about my kids lives (even though they are both adults); I just want us all to stay a close family and be open with each other. Does anyone have any answers for me, perhaps someone his own age who has gone through this already can help. Please comment. Thanks.

]]> By: Brenda Torres http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-32944 Brenda Torres Mon, 15 Aug 2011 23:40:03 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-32944 I don't have a gay son, but have done a lot of thinking about it since my cousin has two sons who are. It is a very difficult situation for both, parents and children. For parents, there are shattered dreams; dreams of seing your child married, becoming a grandparent, etc. There are also worries: my child will get a decease, he/she will not be accepted by other memebers of the family, he/she will probably not have children to take care of them in their old age, etc. For children who love their parents, they feel they are going to disappoint their parents,entering a situation that is different and unusual since they are used to living in a father/mother(male/female) situation so they may tend to feel abnormal. But I feel that the key is communication, patience and sensitivity as each party deals with his own fears and of course, prayer to the Almighty God in any situation. I don’t have a gay son, but have done a lot of thinking about it since my cousin has two sons who are. It is a very difficult situation for both, parents and children. For parents, there are shattered dreams; dreams of seing your child married, becoming a grandparent, etc. There are also worries: my child will get a decease, he/she will not be accepted by other memebers of the family, he/she will probably not have children to take care of them in their old age, etc.
For children who love their parents, they feel they are going to disappoint their parents,entering a situation that is different and unusual since they are used to living in a father/mother(male/female) situation so they may tend to feel abnormal. But I feel that the key is communication, patience and sensitivity as each party deals with his own fears and of course, prayer to the Almighty God in any situation.

]]> By: Tina http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-32909 Tina Mon, 15 Aug 2011 17:36:18 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-32909 A few weeks ago my 15 year old son had a friend spend the night and my other 17 year old son walked in on them kissing and flipped out. I felt it was best that the friend go home. I did talk to my 15 year old son about it. I know I handled it wrong. I did tell him I love you no matter what but just like your brother you have to respect me. he can't have his girlfriends spending the night and you can't have boyfriends spending the night. He of course flipped out.Says I don't listen. And his older brother started messing with him calling him a fag. So i had to get onto him about that. Cause I don't want him to get so depressed about how his brother treats him that he would think about suicide. I explained to my 15 year old that I might not agree with his choices but I still love him the same but it is not a good idea to bring it in the house. I only say this because his brother might try to hurt the person he is with because he does not understand why his brother is gay. We were being kicked out of our apartment and I told my 15 year old he was gonna have to change schools and he lost it with me. Asked if he could live with his boyfriend and I told him no you have 2 choices. That is me or your father. So he left to go live with his father and now my child I was very close to I can't see everyday because he is too far. He won't talk to me. I have sent him messages I love and miss you and I don't care about what you choose to be in life you will always be my son no matter what. But I GET NO RESPONSE. My children have always been my life and now I feel so lost without him around. A few weeks ago my 15 year old son had a friend spend the night and my other 17 year old son walked in on them kissing and flipped out. I felt it was best that the friend go home. I did talk to my 15 year old son about it. I know I handled it wrong. I did tell him I love you no matter what but just like your brother you have to respect me. he can’t have his girlfriends spending the night and you can’t have boyfriends spending the night. He of course flipped out.Says I don’t listen. And his older brother started messing with him calling him a fag. So i had to get onto him about that. Cause I don’t want him to get so depressed about how his brother treats him that he would think about suicide. I explained to my 15 year old that I might not agree with his choices but I still love him the same but it is not a good idea to bring it in the house. I only say this because his brother might try to hurt the person he is with because he does not understand why his brother is gay. We were being kicked out of our apartment and I told my 15 year old he was gonna have to change schools and he lost it with me. Asked if he could live with his boyfriend and I told him no you have 2 choices. That is me or your father. So he left to go live with his father and now my child I was very close to I can’t see everyday because he is too far. He won’t talk to me. I have sent him messages I love and miss you and I don’t care about what you choose to be in life you will always be my son no matter what. But I GET NO RESPONSE. My children have always been my life and now I feel so lost without him around.

]]> By: Dakota http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-28522 Dakota Sun, 17 Jul 2011 08:32:43 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-28522 Hi, every mother who has found out about a gay son. THis is my story and i hope it helps... I have recently came to terms with me being gay. My mother accepted it before i even did. I struggled through anxiety, and many other unamed fears within myself. Being accepted being with family. Although i do not proactivly talk to my family with me being gay. I am with understanding and peace with my mother. (a father is a completly different issue.) but to mothers out there i left this comment to tell you how to have a great realationship still with your son. In my point of view any conversation about my sexual state makes me beyound uncomfertable. And i am sure its the same with your son. Just let him know you accept him for who he is and you are there to talk to him if he needs it, that is the greatist gift i recieved (acceptence) knowing that no matter what happens in the furture my realationship with my mom can always be there to confert me. And if you do this he will open up. Plese do not force a conversation it makes it hard on both of you. Dont expect instant results. just be there for him. HOPE my small advice makes some good results. (Sorry for spelling) sincerly Dakota-the kid who still has a great realationshop with his family. Hi, every mother who has found out about a gay son.
THis is my story and i hope it helps…
I have recently came to terms with me being gay. My mother accepted it before i even did. I struggled through anxiety, and many other unamed fears within myself. Being accepted being with family. Although i do not proactivly talk to my family with me being gay. I am with understanding and peace with my mother. (a father is a completly different issue.) but to mothers out there i left this comment to tell you how to have a great realationship still with your son. In my point of view any conversation about my sexual state makes me beyound uncomfertable. And i am sure its the same with your son. Just let him know you accept him for who he is and you are there to talk to him if he needs it, that is the greatist gift i recieved (acceptence) knowing that no matter what happens in the furture my realationship with my mom can always be there to confert me. And if you do this he will open up. Plese do not force a conversation it makes it hard on both of you. Dont expect instant results. just be there for him.
HOPE my small advice makes some good results. (Sorry for spelling)

sincerly
Dakota-the kid who still has a great realationshop with his family.

]]> By: Arturo http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-28363 Arturo Sat, 16 Jul 2011 07:35:05 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-28363 to Marie, it sounds like your nephew has finally accepted his sexuality and felt comfortable enough with himself to FINALLY tell his family. and there are many straight men especially in the university years that have more sexual partners in that time, though, he needs to make sure he is practicing safe sex. There seems to be something missing from the story that would explain the behavior of your nephew. For example, it sounds like his parents don't approve of homosexuality by stating "to really think about this". Then you say they have supported him? But you follow that with attending his shows, is that the support you mean? I feel I'm reading too much into it. Either way, your nephew needs to talk to his parents, if I knew my parents cared I know I would. to Marie,

it sounds like your nephew has finally accepted his sexuality and felt comfortable enough with himself to FINALLY tell his family. and there are many straight men especially in the university years that have more sexual partners in that time, though, he needs to make sure he is practicing safe sex.

There seems to be something missing from the story that would explain the behavior of your nephew.

For example, it sounds like his parents don’t approve of homosexuality by stating “to really think about this”. Then you say they have supported him? But you follow that with attending his shows, is that the support you mean? I feel I’m reading too much into it.

Either way, your nephew needs to talk to his parents, if I knew my parents cared I know I would.

]]> By: Marie http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-22529 Marie Fri, 06 May 2011 16:53:41 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-22529 Hi My name is Marie Recently my 18 year old nephew has come out and told his parents he was gay. Unfortunately my sister and husband and myself had no idea and this had come as a complete shock! There were no signs or clues apart from he loves to sing and dance and has performed in drama groups from a young age. he never drank alcohol until his 18th birthday and upon starting college only a month into college and going out socialising he tells his parents he is gay? is this normal? he is not showing any upset about coming out and he is adomant and normal about the whole thing? He had a great relationship with his mother and father up until now and now he wont talk to them at all. it is causing a lot of stress in the house now and his parents keep asking him to talk and are very worried also. they are finding it hard to deal with also. They asked him to really think about this and made him aware of diseases etc. He also has had 2 partners within the 5 months of coming out? and was just wondering is this normal. His parents and family always supported him and attended all shows that he participated in and now he doesnt want them even to go the shows any more? Can someone please comment???/ thanks! Marie Hi
My name is Marie
Recently my 18 year old nephew has come out and told his parents he was gay. Unfortunately my sister and husband and myself had no idea and this had come as a complete shock! There were no signs or clues apart from he loves to sing and dance and has performed in drama groups from a young age. he never drank alcohol until his 18th birthday and upon starting college only a month into college and going out socialising he tells his parents he is gay? is this normal? he is not showing any upset about coming out and he is adomant and normal about the whole thing? He had a great relationship with his mother and father up until now and now he wont talk to them at all. it is causing a lot of stress in the house now and his parents keep asking him to talk and are very worried also. they are finding it hard to deal with also. They asked him to really think about this and made him aware of diseases etc. He also has had 2 partners within the 5 months of coming out? and was just wondering is this normal. His parents and family always supported him and attended all shows that he participated in and now he doesnt want them even to go the shows any more? Can someone please comment???/

thanks!
Marie

]]> By: Carol http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-20366 Carol Sun, 03 Apr 2011 01:30:39 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-20366 My son told us he was gay when he was 16 he is now almost 18. We always suspected but didn't know for sure until he told us. On christmas eve he told me his mother that he was gay and if I couldn't accept it then he couldn't have a relationship with me. I told him I loved him no matter what gave him a hug and told him I just worried how other people would treat him.. I explained their are cruel people in the world who might not be so accepting so I worried for him but loved him just the same. My husband said he already knew so it wasn't a surprise for him but we treated him the same as always gay or not. The problem is he thinks he can do whatever he wants, such as going to the city by himself to meet friends and coming home whenever he wants or going out to all hours. He tells us that he is lucky because his gay friends parents don't care what they do and at least his parents are accepting, but then why does he make us worry. I tell him that it doesn't matter gay or straight you can't be going to the city yourself to meet friends, we don't even know these people. It is weird because usually gay sons are close with their mothers but he is very disrespectful to me and my husband thinks I should just ignore him. But as a mother you can't help but worry about your kids. I don't what to do anymore my heart breaks. I just lost my Dad a month and a half ago after a long battle with cancer and the worry for my son is killing me. I don't know what more I can do. Anyone else out there have this problem with a gay son who thinks he can do whatever he wants because he will be 18 soon and then he can do whatever he wants!! Any advice would be appreciated. Thank You. By the way my oldest brother is gay and with his partner for over 20 years and I have a close relationship with him but my son is so young I can only hope he meets the right person because their is so much violence out there. My son told us he was gay when he was 16 he is now almost 18. We always suspected but didn’t know for sure until he told us. On christmas eve he told me his mother that he was gay and if I couldn’t accept it then he couldn’t have a relationship with me. I told him I loved him no matter what gave him a hug and told him I just worried how other people would treat him.. I explained their are cruel people in the world who might not be so accepting so I worried for him but loved him just the same. My husband said he already knew so it wasn’t a surprise for him but we treated him the same as always gay or not. The problem is he thinks he can do whatever he wants, such as going to the city by himself to meet friends and coming home whenever he wants or going out to all hours.
He tells us that he is lucky because his gay friends parents don’t care what they do and at least his parents are accepting, but then why does he make us worry. I tell him that it doesn’t matter gay or straight you can’t be going to the city yourself to meet friends, we don’t even know these people. It is weird because usually gay sons are close with their mothers but he is very disrespectful to me and my husband thinks I should just ignore him. But as a mother you can’t help but worry about your kids. I don’t what to do anymore my heart breaks. I just lost my Dad a month and a half ago after a long battle with cancer and the worry for my son is killing me. I don’t know what more I can do. Anyone else out there have this problem with a gay son who thinks he can do whatever he wants because he will be 18 soon and then he can do whatever he wants!! Any advice would be appreciated. Thank You. By the way my oldest brother is gay and with his partner for over 20 years and I have a close relationship with him but my son is so young I can only hope he meets the right person because their is so much violence out there.

]]> By: chris http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son/comment-page-2#comment-20273 chris Fri, 01 Apr 2011 21:58:13 +0000 http://gayfamilysupport.com/blog/distressed-mom-of-gay-son#comment-20273 I just wanted to thank Seth for the insight. My son just told me last night that he was gay and my emotions are in turmoil. I also unterstand his are too and I really appreciate your message. It was very enlighting. I am hoping that I will get it together soon and be the stable mother my son needs to see right now. I just wanted to thank Seth for the insight. My son just told me last night that he was gay and my emotions are in turmoil. I also unterstand his are too and I really appreciate your message. It was very enlighting. I am hoping that I will get it together soon and be the stable mother my son needs to see right now.

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