I can bearly type this because my heart is broken.  My daughter is 17 years old and for the last year has been in a really great (so I thought) relationship with a boy.  The two of them were amazing, more like best friends then just a boyfriend and girlfriend. People often commented, they have never seen anyone look at anyone with such love and devotion than the way my daughter’s boyfriend looked at her. 

And I would say and she feels the same way about him.  I told my daughter that she was very lucky to have found someone and have such an awesome relationship because it is so rare.  I on the other hand told both of them that they were so young they should enjoy time with friends and do other things rather than constantly being together.
 
Just last month my daughter would want to be with her boyfriend every day and sometimes I would tell her she had to stay in and be with her family, do some studying, or just clean her room.  Her boyfriend would start to snap at her because he wanted to see her.  One week later she said she was breaking up with her boyfriend because she couldn’t handle him getting mad at her. 

I told her that they have been so close that she should just talk it through with him because I knew she would miss him after all they had been through.  I also knew that he would be devastated, because he loved her so much (they would both often say they were going to get married some day). 
 
But she was determined and broke up with her boyfriend.  He called me and I told him that she was upset because he yelled and he said if he knew she would leave he would change.  Just before all this occurred my daughter had me drive a friend home from school one day.  When this friend got out of the car I said “What did you say that boy’s name was”.  My daughter laughted and said that is a girl. 

Right after that I got a message from my daughter’s boyfriend saying she was dating that girl.  I didn’t believe it, how could she go from such an intense loving relationship with a boy and suddenly want to be with this girl.  But my daughter confirmed that she really liked this girl.  It has been about two weeks now and I can’t say how sick this has made me.  I, like other letters I read, feel physically ill and can’t accept it. 

Even though I was OK with my daughter breaking up with her boyfriend, as I said “you both are so young to be so serious”, I find myself trying to get her to go back with him.  She says there is no way she will go back because even though I saw the good side, he had a very negative side that she couldn’t handle, his yelling.  My husband is not happy with my daughter’s choice of sexual orientation but he seems to accept it as that’s who she is.  He is not a support for me because he just says, “You need help”. 
 
I realize I made a mistake in becoming too close to my daughter’s boyfriend.  He was always at our house and I talked to him a lot.  It is so ridiculous of me because I find myself checking out my daughter’s my space page and that of her boyfriend.  It makes me angry to see this girl has replaced my daughter’s boyfriend and in looking at my her boyfriends page I feel so sad because it seems girls have come out of the woodwork and are sending him flirtations notes. 

I feel sad for him because he has been distraught over my daughters decision but it tears me up inside to see him moving on and talking to other girls.  All of this is just because I don’t want my daughter to be gay and in someway don’t think she could possibly  be gay after the relationship she just ended.  She started out saying she thought she was bi but now has moved to saying she is gay. 
 
I think when people are so desperate like me they can do things they don’t normally do.  In my case, it is trying to convince my daughter to get back with her boyfriend and checking their my space.  I don’t want to act this way and I don’t want to feel this way. I read that I will feel better with time but I feel so sick right now. 

Hello,
 
My name is Jillian and I am 17 soon to be 18 on December 17th. When i was 9 or 10 I used to put pictures on my bulliten board of celebrity women, for some reason I had an attraction to them. Well when i was 16 I met this girl named Misty in my biology class, we talked for a little bit, and one day the teacher teamed us up for a DNA project. I invited her to my house to work on it. At that moment I knew I liked her, So from that point on we have been dating for the last 19 months now.

Once my mom found out a week after we started dating she called me every name in the book relating to being gay, she called me a Queer and that really offended me. Ever since then my mom reminds me every single day not missing one day at all, how much she really hates “us gay people”. I dont know when my mom will ever except me, but I really am getting tired of her always putting me down and making me cry. She screams at me, and I just dont know what to do, because I just can’t stick up for myself at all. She is afraid to tell all of my other family members afraid of what they would think of “her”. It is always about my mom.

So basically I have to live 2 lives. One to where I have to be “straight” around all my other family members, then the other to where i can just be myself, but I can never do anything right in my moms eyes, she is ashamed of me and “my choices”. she thinks being gay is a choice.
 
Please help me. Please.
Jillian

I am the mother of a gay son who recently turned forty years old.
I’ve known for more than 20 years that my son is gay and have worked to be honest and open with anyone who knows my family.  Like many families, there are those members who are bigoted or just plain refusing to accept someone different than they are.

In an effort to help people understand that gay people are more like the rest of us than they realize, I’ve written a novel entitled Hallowed Illusions.  It’s a story of a young man who, while sick, has a series of dreams about a beautiful woman.  His grandfather, a retired fundamentalist minister, is ecstatic and enthusiastic. It’s likely a sign from God that young Phillip should give up his sinning ways and settle down with a wife.

Problems arise when Phillip discovers the woman in his dreams died a mysterious death sixty years before and that she knew Pastor and grandmother Abby very well.

I’ve worked hard to give Phillip characteristics that are true to most men in general and, for the most part, to give him a loving family. The Las Vegas, NV PFLAG chapter notified its members of the book’s release and my book signing, which was held in late January 2007.  If you would be willing to let your members know that there is a book out there that identifies gay and lesbian people in a warm light, I would appreciate it. 

I may be an optimist, but I feel that the more people who realize gay and lesbian people are no different than anyone else, the sooner the rights of gay and lesbian people will be protected. I’ve read the mission, vision, and strategic goals of PFLAG and feel that my book will contribute to those things.

Because I think it is so very important for all people to understand that people in same sex relationships deserve all the rights that heterosexuals have, I have placed a link to PFLAG on my web site.  I want to mention, too, that my author email address (DonnaMQuick@hotmail) is on my book cover for anyone who would like to correspond through that avenue.

Thank you so much for your consideration in getting out the word about Hallowed Illusions.

Sincerely,

Donna M. Quick
enjoy my website at www.DonnaMQuick.com

Hi Debbie,
My name is Denise and I just found out that my 22 year old daughter (Cyndee) is a lesbian. I flat out asked her to get the awkwardness over and done with. In my heart I know I have always known. My daughter is a wonderful woman. She is going to college on a soccer scholarship. She  graduates next year with 2 bachelor degrees. She has always been a honest wonderful person. I have always been so proud of her. I will always be proud of her for being true to herself and happiness.

Her partner (Molly) is also a wonderful person. I really am looking forward to having her in our life. I told my daughter that if her brother brought her home I would say “excellent choice” so why wouldn’t I say that because she brought her home. I am so looking forward to sharing this part of my daughters life.  I am so happy that she has found someone that she can share her life with and be happy.
 
I have always been a very open minded person and have all kinds of friends. I enjoy colorful,  independent, and true to their self people.
There is not a bone in my body that is upset about her choice.
In fact two weeks ago when she and Molly were over for a visit and I walked them out to say goodbye. I walked back in the house and said “what a nice looking couple” and I shook my head and said “did you really just say that”?

That’s when it hit me and I laughed out loud. Then I said should I worry about saving my wedding dress? When I told my daughter these thoughts that went through my mind we laughed together and she told me not to rule the dress out. I told her she’s right if she don’t wear it maybe Molly will. All that matters to me is her happiness.
My question is, Is it normal to be this happy? LOL!

My girl friend Debi, who is also a lesbian said I was a great mom, stop thinking and enjoy my daughter life.
There are other family members that will not be happy.
The protective mother in me wants to protect her & Molly.
How do I handle these situations?
I can have a sharp tongue , but I would like to handle it so everyone involved does not feel uncomfortable.

I look forward to hearing from you and let me say thank you now for your answers.

Thanks Again,
Denise Millang

I get a lot of emails from parents or loved ones who just need to reach out for some support.  Sometimes I get emails from gay people struggling with their sexuality.  My website GayFamilySupport also has a lot of personal stories for people to read.  I have decided to add some of these to my blog for others to comment on.

These letters or stories are ones that I have been given permission to post.

I will start with this one.

Never thought she was gay! She was always a tomboy; played soccer, basketball, volleyball, softball, powder puff football and even wrestled on girls team her senior year. She is about 5′6″, weighing out at about 120 lbs. She was blond and dressed like a girl unless she had her sports clothing on.She had several boyfriends but remained a virgin. She had friends that she hung out with constantly. (of which none are gay to this day) Now she is at college.

The first year her appearance began to change. She began dying her hair strange colors, cutting her hair shorter and shorter, wearing masculine clothing (no longer the tight fitting jeans or pink shirts), got several piercings and wants more tatooos. The thought that she was gay still never crossed my mind. Her roommate-best friend was extremely pretty and feminine. They roomed together for 4 years.I actually walked in on them with their arms around one another. Had an uncomfortable moment. Still it never crossed my mind.

Then my two sons (I have six kids) said that they had been getting questioned by “people that knew her” about whether or not she is gay. My oldest son is cruel and hateful and had words with her about it, proceeding to call her a dyke. She claimed that it hurt her feelings. She called me from school crying one day that someone thought she was a guy. I told her not to dress like one then (she also carries herself in a masculine manner) So I still never even thought it because I was thinking that the above wouldn’t bother her if she were.

She would go out of her way to bring up old boyfriends and comment frequently about good looking movie stars. So, I never really had any reason to think she was gay. Am I homophobic? I didn’t think so until my daughter told me she was gay. I have gay friends, LOVE the L Word, have even experimented in the swinger life style (sleeping with other women). So I would say I’m not. But in all actuality I am, in regards to my own daughter.

When she finally admitted it to me I remember going through all the normal feelings. Was it my fault? Is it hereditary? What will people think? Why me? Why my daughter? Why my perfect, beautiful, smart, successful daughter? The saddest thing I thought though was “Thank God it’s my daughter and not one of my sons!!!!” Yes, I do feel uncomfortable talking to her about her relationships, mostly because I’m not sure what to say, but she really doesn’t tell me much because she “doesn’t want to disappoint me.” Does she disappoint me? NO!!! Am I uncomfortable with her being gay? Not really! What I am uncomfortable with is this. WHY does she have to dress like a guy? That bothers me more than anything.

Myself and my other three daughters are all extremely feminine so this part of her really offends me. I’m only 44. I am not unaware. Even my doctor is a lesbian. Who also looks like a man. I watch the L Word and marvel at how beautiful, even the most masculine of the women, still look feminine. If I could get past this I would definitely be a more supportive parent to her. She called me yesterday. She has panic attacks now. Never had them before.

I’m worried about her health (she has a pacemaker). I told her to come home so that I could take care of her (I am really close with all my kids or I used to think so) but she said she never could because I wouldn’t like who she is and that she is a huge dyke. I didn’t even know what to say other than that I loved her and would no matter what. I feel lost, not only from myself but for her. She doesn’t seem to be comfortable in her own skin.