A Gay Poem To Make You Think
I was surfing the net the other day and found this poem. I do not know who the author is. It is a poem that really makes you think about how we judge and condemn people for being different. It tries to make you understand what it is like from the other side. Take the time to read and think about it.
Do you know what it is to be an outsider
on the other side of the fence?
How alone you would feel, if excluded you were.
Does it make any sense?
Can you imagine the isolated soul
with no-one in sight to hear
the cries and the tears that your heart would shed,
and the constant, looming fear?
Can you see in your mind the life of a man
without anywhere to belong?
Because a society judged him unworthy,
because they think they’re right, and he’s wrong.
Try and imagine the pain that you’d feel,
with sneers and hateful words, and spit at your heels.
What would it be like if the gates were locked;
you couldn’t get in, and you couldn’t get out?
Imagine the feeling that you’re worthless,
some dirt that’s been stepped on by someone’s uncaring shoe.
Perhaps at that point it’s too much for your heart,
and you take your own life, to stop it hurting you.
Imagine this world, for maybe a minute,
after that you can stop; you don’t like it, sure
but there are people who go through this every day,
and they can’t stop it, unless they’re no more.
So when you hear of hate, bigots and death,
don’t side with haters, cause that’s how you’ve been bred.
Imagine how it is, or was for that guy,
the one that’s hurt, or lying dead.
So imagine the feelings and memories too,
of people oppressed, hated, abused;
Of people who lived outside of that fence
and what they came to – does it make sense?
I really want to join a support group online and would like some guidance on doing so. I have a 16 year old son who came out to me over a year ago. I felt honored that he was able to share this very difficult news with me and I am in total support. I love my son and accept the fact that he is gay….however now that he has a boyfriend, I am maybe a bit un-ready. I do not want him to be permiscuous (this may be a common misconception) but I do want to stress self respect and respect of others. He is most aware of STDs, condoms, etc, however I still feel the need to impress abstainance until he is ready to share something very special. Not sure if this is the right take on the whole situation and I need your input. PLEASE respond. My email is: catter1620@yahoo.com
thank you
Cathy Livingood,
Mother
Hey Kathy
Congratulations for supporting your son. He is luckier than many others.
My 19 yeare old son just came out this past w/e. He told me this because he has a boyfriend in Ohio, we live in Oklahoma. I just reasured him that I love him for who he is no matter what. Now he wants to take a plane to Ohio and meet this guy. He has only talked to him on the internet. I don’t think this is a good idea. He doesn’t even know him, only through myspace. It sounds dangerous to me. I am really having a lot of mixed up feelings about this. My husband is an alcoholic, my son won’t tell his dad, for now at least. I am very confused and feel …..overwhelmed I guess, and taken by surprise by this…..I am not sure how I am supposed to feel. I do love my son, no matter what. Please give me some advise on this. I feel like my heart has been crushed I guess, I am not sure???
Hey Bridget.
Firstly you are not alone with your emotional turmoil. It is one thing to find out that your son is gay but it is another to think he will be going off meeting someone off the net.
This in itself is scary.
Unfortunately for many gay people, they do not have the opportunity to meet other gay people as easily as straight people so they look to the internet. This is very common. I know that this does not make us as parents feel any better as we do worry about their safety but at least it helps us understand why they do it this way.
These kids have felt alone and isolated for so long that they then cling easily to others like themselves and they are desperate to find friendship or love. And in the beginning this seems the only way.
Debbie
Last Week, my 16 year old son told me in a letter, that he was gay.I have been trying to process this news all by myself. My husband would not handle things correctly, I am sure, and therefore I have not shared this with him. Thank God, I had already been taking my son to a really good counselor before this was brought to my attention. He is going to the counselor because of ” social anxiety” and now I understand why!…… So many things make sense now but it still leaves me with so many more questions. I too, am worried about how to handle a relationship he has with another boy. He wants to spend all of his time with him and I have to wonder what they do together. I just try to remind myself of the same rules we had for his older sisters and stay in line with that…. I am sooo glad I found this website right away, and I am really going to need support in this transition time. I want so bad to protect him from all the dangers that this can bring into his life!! I know he is scared of what his sisters will think of him also. What if they are not loving in their responses?.. How do I handle people who will be cruel and thoughtless?….. so many worries in my head…….
as a gay young man myself,im still very much in termoil with my own sexuality…i had one gay relationship,i loved the fisical aspect of the relationship,but the guy is not 4 me..and i lack the support to help me through this.my parents wont understand and the friends that know,doesn’t care..i had a friend asking me whats the big deal in me not telling my parents?perhaps its the fact that i still struggle with coming 2 terms with my sexuality?
Cathy,
I am in a similar situation in that I recently discovered that a family member was gay.Need someone to talk to about it. Feeling alone and scared
I was just told by one of my son’s closest friends that my 35 yr old son is possibly gay or at least bisexual. This came as a huge shock – it also answers a lot of questions that have never seemed to have explanations. I will love him no matter what his sexual preference is, but I don’t think he knows that. My son was raised under a legalistic church doctrine that was not tolerant. His father was very judgmental and critical. My son is angry, depressed and is an alcoholic; he nearly died of alcohol poisoning recently. Now I understand so many things that didn’t make sense two days ago.
PLEASE, I NEED ADVICE. I need feedback on how to handle this information. I think my son has tried to get the courage to tell me himself several times but changed his mind because he didn’t think I would be a safe person – and at the time I may not have been. I am hurting so badly to think of the pain he has been dealing with for years.
What should I do? I know, most importantly, I need to assure him I will always love him no matter what. Should I ask him if he is gay? . . should I bring up the subject and give him the chance to tell me? . . should I say nothing and just begin to work on our relationship and see what happens? . . or . . what? If anyone would be willing to offer suggestions, I would appreciate it so much.
mom
Ask him if he is gay! Tell him you will not judge him and that you will stand by him and you love him. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Thanks Anonymous -
My nature is to lay the cards on out the table, but I didn’t want to put pressure on my son in case he is not ready to or comfortable about answering the question. I guess I will be able to tell when the timing is right.
I appreciate your immediate response.
mom
I am struggling to deal with with my child’s sexuality. It can be so hard, especially with all the prejudice out there.To all those parents out there, I just want to say it is so good to know I’m not alone and that with the support of others we can all be strong and supportive for our beautiful and precious children.
anonymous,
Sounds like you and I may be in similar situations. Have you found someone to talk to about your child’s sexuality? How did you find out? How old is he/she? Is he/she open to talking with you about this? Are you single/married, have other children/family?
I haven’t seen my son since I found out he may be gay. It is difficult to get ahold of him and nearly impossible to talk with him alone – his wife is usually around. The only person I have been able to discuss this with is my husband (not my son’s father) who, thankfully, is extremely supportive.
You mentioned above that you were feeling alone and scared – I am struggling with all this too. I get this pit in my stomach when I think about all the implications of the whole situation, all of which would talke pages to even touch on. I want to talk to someone but yet I don’t want to tell anyone local until I hear the facts straight from my son and not someone else.
How have you coped so far? I almost don’t know where to start. I have searched the Internet for information, which has helped some. I guess I really want to have some alone time with my son and get some answers, if he is willing to talk about it. I’m gathering from other people who have posted, though, that I’ll probably end up with even more questions.
Looking forward to hearing from anyone -
mom
Thank you for sharing!
I am not a mother, but I am part of a support group at my high school. I am 16 and straight, but I belong to my school’s Gay Straight Alliance. I have to say that all of your children (people who have left comments) and so lucky to have parents like you. That is one of the biggest and most talked about problems during our meetings, and it really takes a heavy toll on a teenager that feels they cannot tell their parents, or already have and are being shunned for it. If anyone ever wants to talk, my email is tmclark8@myway.com
I just accidentally found a picture of my brother with his boyfriend (they were holding hands). I am so shocked. He is 25 and I see that he is out of the closet with all his friends!! I can’t beleive that he would be going around town with his boyfriend without telling his family first. I am so shocked and I can’t imagine what my very old-fashioned parents will think. At this point, they will probably find out through someone else and I can’t even begin to imagine how they will react. I am so worried.
I know your worried about the situation, but you should not feel slighted by the fact that your brother told his friends first. It’s hard to tell family, they have all these expectations and are much less likely to be supportive because of the future they envision for their kids. Your brother is probably in the process of building a support system of friends to build his confidence and allow him to come out. Give him time to live his life and continue to gain support. If you want to talk to your brother and tell him you love and support him, it might help him reconnect with the family. Also even if your parents would be supportive, its hard to be around them without lying, disappointing or feeling resentful.
Good Luck. And don’t worry if your parents find out from someone else its no less shocking then coming straight from your brother.
Hi all.
Well im glad to see that so many parents support their kids for who they are. I am 20 and gay. I did not have the support of very many people when i came out. I told my best friend and he left and told everyone at school. Then everyone else stopped talking to me. That was in my freshman year. I told my Parents. My dad was fine, My mom however didnt take it very well. She had some major health problems. I told her and well lets just say that she is no longer with us. But i know who hard it is for telling people that you are gay. I strugle with it still. All the repressed emotions and everything. Now i have someone that i can share my life with tho.
Just know that if your child decides to tell you, know that it is scary for them. They take a huge chance in telling you. Fearing how you will react and what you will do. I know i did, and i wanted to die after what happened with my parents. If they tell you tell them that you support them and that you still love them. Make them feel your love. It will help them more then you know.
So good to see so many parents on this site is supportive.I wish it were so with my family and my friends.Right now I struggling to come to terms with my sexuality and a part of me just can’t stand it anymore.When i’m around both family and friends alot of hurtful things are said about being gay.I just don’t see the point in living life anymore…
Marcus, im not a parent. im only 20. Dont think like that. there is always a point to living. someday you will make someone very happy. I tired to kill my self before. I lost everyone, i felt like the world hated me. But i stopped. I realised that i would hurt my family by leaving. dont let the things your family and friends say get to you. They are doing it because they dont understand. maybe you can help them understand.
My dad just last week found out im gay , im 34 and my mum knew about six months ago and kept it away from my dad as he would of really blown his top and went all mental, but it all worked totally opposite, my dad now wants to speak to me and has told my sister that he has accepted that im gay and will support me together with my mum, and this has now given me a reason to live and when i was told by my sister that my folks are ok with my sexuality such a great burden came off my chest, as recently i started drinking more often as had no reason to live a normal decent life, i just wanted to live life on the edge…To all those out there, that have not come out, i would say come out when u feel it in your heart you ready. My life feels just so much better , im happy in my heart…
I’m going through so many mixed feelings right now. I have come to terms that I am gay and I’m fine with being gay. I’m scared to come out to my parents though. Somedays I feel confident and feel like the time is soon and I will tell them. Other days I just feel like giving up and I will never come out. I don’t have mnay friends I could tell. I’ve been keeping this a secret for so long and I just want to have a normal life..I want to be able to go out and find someone special without having to worry.
my daughter got into a lesbien relationship a little over a year ago, and she and my grandkids moved over the summer to tinian with her partner(nowex)
2weeks ago there had been a issue where her ex partner was being controling and emotional abusing. well the other nite my daughter called to let me know what was going on. her ex partner kicked her out of the house called the police and threatned to kill her and told her that if she killed her no one would find her body. my daughter and grandkids are in a safe place for right now and eventually they will return home…
we had told my daughter a number of times it was not a good idea and we also told her to get a round trip ticket but she didnt. she told my sister she now realizes her mistake
To all parents of gay kids….first the fact that your child choose to come out to you is commendable, both that they have enough trust in your love and that you are able to accept them for who they are. We all must remember that this is not the path that any gay person chooses….who would want to willingly choose a life of put downs, rejection and potential violence.
I hope that parents of gay children would not treat a potential relationship any different than if that child was hetro. Parents have to realize that “relationships” will happen straight or gay and all that you can do is to give the necessary support and information as a young child to prepare them for this fact of life. The most difficult thing for “gay” youth is that they are not able to be as open about their relationships and also it not as easy to find suitable partners. Most gay “dating” web sites are filled with “married”, so called bi men, who are looking for sex outside their relationship. All online web site will not accept youth under 18, hence the lie about their age and end up seeing someone a lot older and yes sometimes get taken advantage of. For young gay youth there are not a lot of options. Parents should encourage their “out” gay children to seek out support from the appropriate local gay youth groups. A web search will find that group that operates in your city/area.
Today the internet has made life much easier for gay youth, but many still struggle with trying to fit into the mold that society expects for fear of what family and friends will say or think.
A bit about myself…I am an older gay man who, for many reasons, didn’t come out until late in my life. I wish that I had the access to the information on the internet that is available today.
My motto in life has been and is…”I am me, and I’m OK”
Hey all, I am a 16 year old gay male that lives in England. I am still in the closet to all of my friends and family because I am scared of what they will think. I know my friends wouldn’t care because I have a gay mate that came out a few months ago and everyone was fine about it. His parents however, took it the wrong way and sent him off to a counciller (Can’t spell it sorry). They think he’s ‘confused’. He is not confused; Straight people know what they want so surely if he was straight he wouldn’t be having gay feelings for no reason! If any parents read this and have a gay son/daughter that has recently ‘come out’, please please please understand how much harder it was for them to tell you; and let them know that you understand and you love them! Every day I think about coming out but the one thing stopping me is the thought my parents will take it the wrong way. I would tell my friends but I don’t want it leaking out. Good luck to all parents and sons/daughters about coming out and taking the news x
I have been trying to find the original source of this poem. Any help? What source did the poster find this at?
Any reply would be greatly appreciated.
~Warm regards,
Respond2be:
RPD
my sister told my dad and stepmom she was bisexual that didnt go to well by any means it put my family into termoil, i told my dad and he threatened to send me with my drug addicted mom, so i lied to him and said i thought i was, but i feel horrible for lying to him. if he finds out my life goes down hill i loose EVERYTHING i need help please it keeps me awake so many nights,,,,i just want to be accepted. im 16 if anyone has anything to say email me at turtle_tennessee@yahoo.com thanx bunchez xoxo
i am a 14 yr. old gay boy who has recently come to terms with my sexuality. Most gay people come to terms with their sexuality a little later in life but i have always had a hunch of my sexuality or indifference. My parents actaully had a hunch to and o they came up with this crazy idea that if they made me do more “manly things” then i would change my ways and start acting like a heterosexual. But little did they know that you cant change your sexuality, only discover wat u r from birth. I came out to 3 of my close friends about me being gay and they were totally ok with it. more than i expected but it took alot out of me just to strike up the courage to tell them. but i never came out to parents for fear of their reacions. it seems like everyday we revolve our conversations around how gay people r disgraces and are all going to hell. This makes me act more and more like a heterosexual for fear of being disowned and frowned upon. I think about my life every day and i wonder sometimes if its truly worth wat i am going to go through?? i am lonely and sad and miserable ecause i cant do anything with my sexuality status either. so i sit here miserable waiting on a miracle.
I fell apart when my son told me he was gay 9 yrs ago. Mainly because I felt I was to blame, but also, once I had time to think, I was afraid for him, that he would be persicuted. He is so happy and successful now that terrible burden has been lifted. No-one can ever be sure how they will react but you could be getting it so wrong. Give parents the chance to work this information through and they will realise that you are still the same person you were the second before you told them. Love hugs and support.
im gay well bi ,
for years ive been trying to cope with it
now im coming to terms
homossexuality is not disease of any kind so i dont see why people think they can ‘catch it’ so to speak.
im a girl and many of my straight female friends are perfectly fine with it, they still kiss my goodbye, and it is nice to know that they dont feel uncomfortable.
for people who are worried of what people might think of them for having a gay son or daughter. just imagine how they feel . they’re the ones who have to live with it .and probably put up with shit for most of they’re, or feeling wrong. i can really relate to this poem, and its not expected for a straight person to completely understand cause your obviously not gay. just imagine the whole world was gay and being straight was ‘different’ .. different story now ?
Cathy, my hats off to you. When my brother came out in the late 80′s you would have thought that he commited the worst crime known to man according to my mother and father. All John needed was his family to support him. All he got was me, his little sister..I tried so very hard always talking to my mom about how John was different, and it was a genetic thing, that he really had no choice that he was going to be who the good Lord wanted him to be which is the most kind and selfless brother and friend any person could ever want. Unfortunately my Mother died in Feb 1992, and never got the chance to speak to my brother. She wanted too finally tell him that she was willing to give it her all accept things as they are, and never got that chance…I suppose the message I learned in all of this is not just my brother John was hurt, and still carries that with him to this day, but my mother left this life knowing that there was something that she had done so wrong that left one of her children feeling all alone and alienated, something that she should have done years before…So, Love your kids for WHO THEY ARE, not your idea of what you want them to be… Support them, talk talk talk, listen even more, and above all dont pass out guilt or blame, they are having a confusing enough time. There family needs to be the one place that they feel safe and loved for who they are. Joan
I read this poem with a heavy heart knowing what people go through when they say “I’m gay.” My son who is 26 just came out and told everyone including his grandparents, that he is gay. I am so proud of him for his strength. My parents, his grandparents, are so against it. They think something is wrong with him and are somehow blaming me because I was a single mom and he had no “MAN” in his life. His father is blaming himself for not being around. Some how I knew when he was very young. I am a mother of 4 children 2 girls & 2 boys they are all very happy, grown and over 21 but the two youngest are upset saying that “the Devil has a hold on him.” I just keep telling him that it is all o.k. and he will be o.k. The hard part is that he has two beautiful daughters and his soon to be ex-wife is giving him grief. I’m all he has except his boyfriend to support him he thinks. He just old me today that he feels like giving up on fighting with his ex for the girls cause she is making it so ugly. I just love him and support him and don’t know what else to do. He was married for six years up until last month. What else can I do for him?
A week ago my grandson admitted to his mom he is gay. She freaked. She and her husband have been mean calling him name, etc. He is in his senior year, and he had moved in with a friend. His mom took the car he was driving as well as his cell phone. I supplied him with both. She refuses to accept it, I don’t understand. I knew long ago, it changes nothing in my eyes or heart. She however is going to “pray” him out of it. (This has worked so well in so many cases lol) She thinks she can change him. Maybe because I am older, I don’t see what needs to be changed. He is beautiful, smart, sensitive and responsible. I hate to see her ruin his senior year of high school. How long does one beat a dead horse? Any and all advice needed
Becky
It has been drawn to my attention at the age of 12 that i am gay. it is the most difficult task as i am literally living inside myself trying to find my place in his world. i will never regret being gy as if was to be another way it would have been. i am worried deeply as ,y society is extremely homophobic. i wish i could leave here but what will happen to my parents i need guidance. Somebody tell me why im on my own?
>>>>>>sigh<<<<<<
hota_boi4u@yahoo.com
i am a 14 yr old boy and i’m bi this poem means so much too me. I have loving and an accepting family though.
My 17 yr old son just came out to my daughter of 13 and myself on Sunday 7-10-11. He hasnt told anyone else. I am an open minded out going individual, and have friends that r gay, but this was the last thing I ever thought of. As a mother, I had notions,as well as my mother. My son and I have a very close relationship, he is a mommas boy and even at 17 he’ll tell you lol. He recently moved to Fl to help run our business, and with his newfound freedom, he was able to test the waters I suppose. He sent a picture of his “mate” and asked me what I thought…. I gave him an honest opinion, and well……then I asked is this your boyfriend…and he said yes, to which I replied BS. My son is a very big prankster, so at first I didnt believe him.He said mom…this is me coming out to you. Mind you , this is all through text. I said ok….then he asked what do I think, and of course I replied, well, no matter what son I will love u, I just want you happy and safe. But I also told him I have questions,thoughts,worries,and that I did not want to know about his “friend” until I was ready, to respect me in that. He answered all of my questions,…thru text, which I admit made it easier for me not to break out in tears,gave me time to think and word everything appropriately, and same for him. I still have questions, and worst of all thoughts, and with time…eventually I will heal, but right now it’s not about me. He feels a huge accomplishment has been made,he’s happy and thats all that matters.
Moms…take your time.Your children know you need it,let them KNOW you love them,TELL them you have questions,concerns, the Y’s of it all. write it down, text it, email,etc…..for me and my son… it did “break” the ice so much easier.
I love my son soo much I would NEVER let my own feelings come between us, as long as he is safe,and happy. Thats all ALL of us ever want for our kids!!
All I can say is WOW to this poem. I’ve always tried writing poems and they don’t always work out. Then again not many people have seen what I’ve written. Also been reading all the other posts that people have wrote after reading this poem. I myself came out awhile ago and it too me alot of courage to tell my Mother that I was Gay. She looked at me and said ” I know”. To those who think they are alone, I just wanna say you are not alone. Would like to find a way to help others who think they are alone or just need someone to talk too. e-mail is captncrunch311@yahoo.com
hello I just turned a 20 and i came out my senior year of high school and told my parents i was a lesbiqan but i advice all of the parents abo ve just to please love youre children through thkis because you dont know what thier are going through in high school midlle school even elemntry join a support group and trust me you will begin to see the gright side to things:) it wasnt easy for me about two years ago and im pretyy sure its even harder now
Hey.
I’m chad.
One of my good friends Jacob wrote this poem for me 5 years go. It was his suicide note for me.
Uummm. Im glad to see its still helping people.
Hi there, just wanted to mention, I liked this blog post. It was helpful. Keep on posting!
I’m so confussed, I’m sure my 17 year old is gay, when I have tried to talk to him about it he acts angry and wont talk, he is the only boy raised with four girls, all of us think the same, my son will not talk to anyone about anything. well I cant take it anymore I plan on conforting him in a couple days he has to open up, he is so unhappy I see this and it hurts. I believe it is because he is keeping this from us, he has friends that I encouraged to come out and he knows I have many gay friends this is not a problem for me, on the other hand my new husband is totally homofobic (spelling?) I do believe my marriage will end over this because I will not have anyone being rude or mean to my children. so if anyone has any words to help please do