A Gay Poem To Make You Think
I was surfing the net the other day and found this poem. I do not know who the author is. It is a poem that really makes you think about how we judge and condemn people for being different. It tries to make you understand what it is like from the other side. Take the time to read and think about it.
Do you know what it is to be an outsider
on the other side of the fence?
How alone you would feel, if excluded you were.
Does it make any sense?
Can you imagine the isolated soul
with no-one in sight to hear
the cries and the tears that your heart would shed,
and the constant, looming fear?
Can you see in your mind the life of a man
without anywhere to belong?
Because a society judged him unworthy,
because they think they’re right, and he’s wrong.
Try and imagine the pain that you’d feel,
with sneers and hateful words, and spit at your heels.
What would it be like if the gates were locked;
you couldn’t get in, and you couldn’t get out?
Imagine the feeling that you’re worthless,
some dirt that’s been stepped on by someone’s uncaring shoe.
Perhaps at that point it’s too much for your heart,
and you take your own life, to stop it hurting you.
Imagine this world, for maybe a minute,
after that you can stop; you don’t like it, sure
but there are people who go through this every day,
and they can’t stop it, unless they’re no more.
So when you hear of hate, bigots and death,
don’t side with haters, cause that’s how you’ve been bred.
Imagine how it is, or was for that guy,
the one that’s hurt, or lying dead.
So imagine the feelings and memories too,
of people oppressed, hated, abused;
Of people who lived outside of that fence
and what they came to – does it make sense?
I really want to join a support group online and would like some guidance on doing so. I have a 16 year old son who came out to me over a year ago. I felt honored that he was able to share this very difficult news with me and I am in total support. I love my son and accept the fact that he is gay….however now that he has a boyfriend, I am maybe a bit un-ready. I do not want him to be permiscuous (this may be a common misconception) but I do want to stress self respect and respect of others. He is most aware of STDs, condoms, etc, however I still feel the need to impress abstainance until he is ready to share something very special. Not sure if this is the right take on the whole situation and I need your input. PLEASE respond. My email is: catter1620@yahoo.com
thank you
Cathy Livingood,
Mother
Hey Kathy
Congratulations for supporting your son. He is luckier than many others.
My 19 yeare old son just came out this past w/e. He told me this because he has a boyfriend in Ohio, we live in Oklahoma. I just reasured him that I love him for who he is no matter what. Now he wants to take a plane to Ohio and meet this guy. He has only talked to him on the internet. I don’t think this is a good idea. He doesn’t even know him, only through myspace. It sounds dangerous to me. I am really having a lot of mixed up feelings about this. My husband is an alcoholic, my son won’t tell his dad, for now at least. I am very confused and feel …..overwhelmed I guess, and taken by surprise by this…..I am not sure how I am supposed to feel. I do love my son, no matter what. Please give me some advise on this. I feel like my heart has been crushed I guess, I am not sure???
Hey Bridget.
Firstly you are not alone with your emotional turmoil. It is one thing to find out that your son is gay but it is another to think he will be going off meeting someone off the net.
This in itself is scary.
Unfortunately for many gay people, they do not have the opportunity to meet other gay people as easily as straight people so they look to the internet. This is very common. I know that this does not make us as parents feel any better as we do worry about their safety but at least it helps us understand why they do it this way.
These kids have felt alone and isolated for so long that they then cling easily to others like themselves and they are desperate to find friendship or love. And in the beginning this seems the only way.
Debbie
Last Week, my 16 year old son told me in a letter, that he was gay.I have been trying to process this news all by myself. My husband would not handle things correctly, I am sure, and therefore I have not shared this with him. Thank God, I had already been taking my son to a really good counselor before this was brought to my attention. He is going to the counselor because of ” social anxiety” and now I understand why!…… So many things make sense now but it still leaves me with so many more questions. I too, am worried about how to handle a relationship he has with another boy. He wants to spend all of his time with him and I have to wonder what they do together. I just try to remind myself of the same rules we had for his older sisters and stay in line with that…. I am sooo glad I found this website right away, and I am really going to need support in this transition time. I want so bad to protect him from all the dangers that this can bring into his life!! I know he is scared of what his sisters will think of him also. What if they are not loving in their responses?.. How do I handle people who will be cruel and thoughtless?….. so many worries in my head…….
as a gay young man myself,im still very much in termoil with my own sexuality…i had one gay relationship,i loved the fisical aspect of the relationship,but the guy is not 4 me..and i lack the support to help me through this.my parents wont understand and the friends that know,doesn’t care..i had a friend asking me whats the big deal in me not telling my parents?perhaps its the fact that i still struggle with coming 2 terms with my sexuality?
Cathy,
I am in a similar situation in that I recently discovered that a family member was gay.Need someone to talk to about it. Feeling alone and scared
I was just told by one of my son’s closest friends that my 35 yr old son is possibly gay or at least bisexual. This came as a huge shock – it also answers a lot of questions that have never seemed to have explanations. I will love him no matter what his sexual preference is, but I don’t think he knows that. My son was raised under a legalistic church doctrine that was not tolerant. His father was very judgmental and critical. My son is angry, depressed and is an alcoholic; he nearly died of alcohol poisoning recently. Now I understand so many things that didn’t make sense two days ago.
PLEASE, I NEED ADVICE. I need feedback on how to handle this information. I think my son has tried to get the courage to tell me himself several times but changed his mind because he didn’t think I would be a safe person – and at the time I may not have been. I am hurting so badly to think of the pain he has been dealing with for years.
What should I do? I know, most importantly, I need to assure him I will always love him no matter what. Should I ask him if he is gay? . . should I bring up the subject and give him the chance to tell me? . . should I say nothing and just begin to work on our relationship and see what happens? . . or . . what? If anyone would be willing to offer suggestions, I would appreciate it so much.
mom
Ask him if he is gay! Tell him you will not judge him and that you will stand by him and you love him. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Thanks Anonymous -
My nature is to lay the cards on out the table, but I didn’t want to put pressure on my son in case he is not ready to or comfortable about answering the question. I guess I will be able to tell when the timing is right.
I appreciate your immediate response.
mom
I am struggling to deal with with my child’s sexuality. It can be so hard, especially with all the prejudice out there.To all those parents out there, I just want to say it is so good to know I’m not alone and that with the support of others we can all be strong and supportive for our beautiful and precious children.
anonymous,
Sounds like you and I may be in similar situations. Have you found someone to talk to about your child’s sexuality? How did you find out? How old is he/she? Is he/she open to talking with you about this? Are you single/married, have other children/family?
I haven’t seen my son since I found out he may be gay. It is difficult to get ahold of him and nearly impossible to talk with him alone – his wife is usually around. The only person I have been able to discuss this with is my husband (not my son’s father) who, thankfully, is extremely supportive.
You mentioned above that you were feeling alone and scared – I am struggling with all this too. I get this pit in my stomach when I think about all the implications of the whole situation, all of which would talke pages to even touch on. I want to talk to someone but yet I don’t want to tell anyone local until I hear the facts straight from my son and not someone else.
How have you coped so far? I almost don’t know where to start. I have searched the Internet for information, which has helped some. I guess I really want to have some alone time with my son and get some answers, if he is willing to talk about it. I’m gathering from other people who have posted, though, that I’ll probably end up with even more questions.
Looking forward to hearing from anyone -
mom
Thank you for sharing!
I am not a mother, but I am part of a support group at my high school. I am 16 and straight, but I belong to my school’s Gay Straight Alliance. I have to say that all of your children (people who have left comments) and so lucky to have parents like you. That is one of the biggest and most talked about problems during our meetings, and it really takes a heavy toll on a teenager that feels they cannot tell their parents, or already have and are being shunned for it. If anyone ever wants to talk, my email is tmclark8@myway.com
I just accidentally found a picture of my brother with his boyfriend (they were holding hands). I am so shocked. He is 25 and I see that he is out of the closet with all his friends!! I can’t beleive that he would be going around town with his boyfriend without telling his family first. I am so shocked and I can’t imagine what my very old-fashioned parents will think. At this point, they will probably find out through someone else and I can’t even begin to imagine how they will react. I am so worried.
I know your worried about the situation, but you should not feel slighted by the fact that your brother told his friends first. It’s hard to tell family, they have all these expectations and are much less likely to be supportive because of the future they envision for their kids. Your brother is probably in the process of building a support system of friends to build his confidence and allow him to come out. Give him time to live his life and continue to gain support. If you want to talk to your brother and tell him you love and support him, it might help him reconnect with the family. Also even if your parents would be supportive, its hard to be around them without lying, disappointing or feeling resentful.
Good Luck. And don’t worry if your parents find out from someone else its no less shocking then coming straight from your brother.
Hi all.
Well im glad to see that so many parents support their kids for who they are. I am 20 and gay. I did not have the support of very many people when i came out. I told my best friend and he left and told everyone at school. Then everyone else stopped talking to me. That was in my freshman year. I told my Parents. My dad was fine, My mom however didnt take it very well. She had some major health problems. I told her and well lets just say that she is no longer with us. But i know who hard it is for telling people that you are gay. I strugle with it still. All the repressed emotions and everything. Now i have someone that i can share my life with tho.
Just know that if your child decides to tell you, know that it is scary for them. They take a huge chance in telling you. Fearing how you will react and what you will do. I know i did, and i wanted to die after what happened with my parents. If they tell you tell them that you support them and that you still love them. Make them feel your love. It will help them more then you know.
So good to see so many parents on this site is supportive.I wish it were so with my family and my friends.Right now I struggling to come to terms with my sexuality and a part of me just can’t stand it anymore.When i’m around both family and friends alot of hurtful things are said about being gay.I just don’t see the point in living life anymore…
Marcus, im not a parent. im only 20. Dont think like that. there is always a point to living. someday you will make someone very happy. I tired to kill my self before. I lost everyone, i felt like the world hated me. But i stopped. I realised that i would hurt my family by leaving. dont let the things your family and friends say get to you. They are doing it because they dont understand. maybe you can help them understand.
My dad just last week found out im gay , im 34 and my mum knew about six months ago and kept it away from my dad as he would of really blown his top and went all mental, but it all worked totally opposite, my dad now wants to speak to me and has told my sister that he has accepted that im gay and will support me together with my mum, and this has now given me a reason to live and when i was told by my sister that my folks are ok with my sexuality such a great burden came off my chest, as recently i started drinking more often as had no reason to live a normal decent life, i just wanted to live life on the edge…To all those out there, that have not come out, i would say come out when u feel it in your heart you ready. My life feels just so much better , im happy in my heart…
I’m going through so many mixed feelings right now. I have come to terms that I am gay and I’m fine with being gay. I’m scared to come out to my parents though. Somedays I feel confident and feel like the time is soon and I will tell them. Other days I just feel like giving up and I will never come out. I don’t have mnay friends I could tell. I’ve been keeping this a secret for so long and I just want to have a normal life..I want to be able to go out and find someone special without having to worry.
my daughter got into a lesbien relationship a little over a year ago, and she and my grandkids moved over the summer to tinian with her partner(nowex)
2weeks ago there had been a issue where her ex partner was being controling and emotional abusing. well the other nite my daughter called to let me know what was going on. her ex partner kicked her out of the house called the police and threatned to kill her and told her that if she killed her no one would find her body. my daughter and grandkids are in a safe place for right now and eventually they will return home…
we had told my daughter a number of times it was not a good idea and we also told her to get a round trip ticket but she didnt. she told my sister she now realizes her mistake
To all parents of gay kids….first the fact that your child choose to come out to you is commendable, both that they have enough trust in your love and that you are able to accept them for who they are. We all must remember that this is not the path that any gay person chooses….who would want to willingly choose a life of put downs, rejection and potential violence.
I hope that parents of gay children would not treat a potential relationship any different than if that child was hetro. Parents have to realize that “relationships” will happen straight or gay and all that you can do is to give the necessary support and information as a young child to prepare them for this fact of life. The most difficult thing for “gay” youth is that they are not able to be as open about their relationships and also it not as easy to find suitable partners. Most gay “dating” web sites are filled with “married”, so called bi men, who are looking for sex outside their relationship. All online web site will not accept youth under 18, hence the lie about their age and end up seeing someone a lot older and yes sometimes get taken advantage of. For young gay youth there are not a lot of options. Parents should encourage their “out” gay children to seek out support from the appropriate local gay youth groups. A web search will find that group that operates in your city/area.
Today the internet has made life much easier for gay youth, but many still struggle with trying to fit into the mold that society expects for fear of what family and friends will say or think.
A bit about myself…I am an older gay man who, for many reasons, didn’t come out until late in my life. I wish that I had the access to the information on the internet that is available today.
My motto in life has been and is…”I am me, and I’m OK”
Hey all, I am a 16 year old gay male that lives in England. I am still in the closet to all of my friends and family because I am scared of what they will think. I know my friends wouldn’t care because I have a gay mate that came out a few months ago and everyone was fine about it. His parents however, took it the wrong way and sent him off to a counciller (Can’t spell it sorry). They think he’s ‘confused’. He is not confused; Straight people know what they want so surely if he was straight he wouldn’t be having gay feelings for no reason! If any parents read this and have a gay son/daughter that has recently ‘come out’, please please please understand how much harder it was for them to tell you; and let them know that you understand and you love them! Every day I think about coming out but the one thing stopping me is the thought my parents will take it the wrong way. I would tell my friends but I don’t want it leaking out. Good luck to all parents and sons/daughters about coming out and taking the news x