Parents Of Two Gay Sons Need Feedback - Please Help
Hello, my name is mary and my husband and I have 2 gay sons and 2 straight sons, I think we are pretty much over the shock part, its just trying to really understand the whole picture that is hard,
I found your site and am interested in maybe just feed back from other parents and learning to really be comfortable with the whole picture
thanks
Mary
Should A Lesbian Choose Her Family Over Her Partner?
My name is Stacey and my mom recently found out that I had a girlfriend
(for the second time). My mom had thought that I was straight until a few years ago when she found out for the first time that I had a girlfriend. I ended up breaking it off with this girl because of more than the reason that my mother did not accept it. I am 21 yrs old and I am a freshman in college and I met the girl of my dreams. We get along great and she makes so unbelievably happy. She stole my heart the day I met her and I can’t stop thinking about her.
My parents dont understand that she makes me happy and that I am in love with her. I understand that they grew up and were raised in a different society, but in todays society it is widely accepted, especially in canada. I go to college in the United States and my girlfriend is on my hockey team. So when I am at school I have the
freedom to be who I am. But when I’m home, I have to live a different
life. Its so hard to live two different lives, I absolutely hate it. My
mom is scared to tell anybody and when she first found out, she had given me an ultimatum, “to be a lesbian or choose your family”.
Its so hard to choose, because my family ;especially my parents, have helped me get to where I am today with my hockey and school, but in the end I want to be happy and live MY life the way I want it. It will be hard when I dont have family there to support me, but then again they don’t feel like family if they don’t support and accept the real me. I have had so many fights with my mom, it got to the point that my mom said I was dead to her, that I didnt exist and I wasn’t her daughter.
That broke my heart into a billion pieces. I cried for 5 days straight. My girlfriend was there for me the entire time. Her parents know about us being together and don’t have a problem with it,they even invited me to stay at there house for a week (my girlfriend lives in Virginia and I live in Ontario). I am going this week but I had to lie to my parents and tell them I am going elsewhere. I hate lying to my parents. My girlfriend and her parents don’t like the idea that I lie to my parents as well. What am I suppose to do???
If I tell my parents I am still dating her they will disown me and kick me out of the house. I can’t live on the street. My girlfriend’s parents told me I could live with them but then I feel as if I am abandoning my family.I think my dad wants to be accepting of it but my mother said she will never ever ever accept it. My dad had said that I am robbing him of grandchildren and walking me down the isle. My mom just thinks that I am missing out on everything. I am a virgin and she thinks that me having sex with a guy will change my sexuality.
I am tired of my parents thinking that I can’t have children or my dad can’t walk me down the isle. Its the same thing just a different way of approaching marriage and a family. There is no difference from a lesbian having invitro fertilization/artificial to a infertile mother having it done! My hockey coach is gay and she is married and my mom thinks its disgusting and she is sure to make comments and stereotype both of them everyday.
I feel like she looks at me differently than she used to. She said since everybody on my team knows she feels ashamed of me and embarassed to come to my games. Having my coach around for support helped alot but now that she is gone I feel alone. I really don’t know what to do. My mom tried to go see a pyschiatrist and she wanted me to go see one to get “fixed”. I had been talking to a counselor at my college because I had been cutting myself over what hurtful things my parents were saying. I had made a deal with my mom that if I broke it off with my girlfriend for the summer and started talking to guys she would leave me alone and stop saying hurtful things. I said I broke it off but I am still with her.
They do not know I use to cut myself (I stopped for my girlfriend because she loves me too much to see me to that to myself), but I have scars on my arm and its hard to hide. I don’t want to show or tell my parents because I don’t want there pity. I want there acceptance. I am not going to pretend to be someone I’m not. I can’t do it anymore, it hurts like hell to be myself around my friends but pretend to think some guy is cute. My girlfriend and my friends seem to be the only
people that accept me for who I am. Does anybody have any suggestions for me?
My parents are my financial support right now since I can’t work
because of a recent surgery I had. I’m stuck and I feel alone! SOMEBODY
PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
Thank you very much for your help