I was surfing the net the other day and found this poem.  I do not know who the author is.  It is a poem that really makes you think about how we judge and condemn people for being different.  It tries to make you understand what it is like from the other side.  Take the time to read and think about it.

Do you know what it is to be an outsider
on the other side of the fence?
How alone you would feel, if excluded you were.
Does it make any sense?

Can you imagine the isolated soul
with no-one in sight to hear
the cries and the tears that your heart would shed,
and the constant, looming fear?

Can you see in your mind the life of a man
without anywhere to belong?
Because a society judged him unworthy,
because they think they’re right, and he’s wrong.

Try and imagine the pain that you’d feel,
with sneers and hateful words, and spit at your heels.
What would it be like if the gates were locked;
you couldn’t get in, and you couldn’t get out?

Imagine the feeling that you’re worthless,
some dirt that’s been stepped on by someone’s uncaring shoe.
Perhaps at that point it’s too much for your heart,
and you take your own life, to stop it hurting you.

Imagine this world, for maybe a minute,
after that you can stop; you don’t like it, sure
but there are people who go through this every day,
and they can’t stop it, unless they’re no more.

So when you hear of hate, bigots and death,
don’t side with haters, cause that’s how you’ve been bred.
Imagine how it is, or was for that guy,
the one that’s hurt, or lying dead.

So imagine the feelings and memories too,
of people oppressed, hated, abused;
Of people who lived outside of that fence
and what they came to - does it make sense?

I get a lot of emails from parents or loved ones who just need to reach out for some support.  Sometimes I get emails from gay people struggling with their sexuality.  My website GayFamilySupport also has a lot of personal stories for people to read.  I have decided to add some of these to my blog for others to comment on.

These letters or stories are ones that I have been given permission to post.

I will start with this one.

Never thought she was gay! She was always a tomboy; played soccer, basketball, volleyball, softball, powder puff football and even wrestled on girls team her senior year. She is about 5′6″, weighing out at about 120 lbs. She was blond and dressed like a girl unless she had her sports clothing on.She had several boyfriends but remained a virgin. She had friends that she hung out with constantly. (of which none are gay to this day) Now she is at college.

The first year her appearance began to change. She began dying her hair strange colors, cutting her hair shorter and shorter, wearing masculine clothing (no longer the tight fitting jeans or pink shirts), got several piercings and wants more tatooos. The thought that she was gay still never crossed my mind. Her roommate-best friend was extremely pretty and feminine. They roomed together for 4 years.I actually walked in on them with their arms around one another. Had an uncomfortable moment. Still it never crossed my mind.

Then my two sons (I have six kids) said that they had been getting questioned by “people that knew her” about whether or not she is gay. My oldest son is cruel and hateful and had words with her about it, proceeding to call her a dyke. She claimed that it hurt her feelings. She called me from school crying one day that someone thought she was a guy. I told her not to dress like one then (she also carries herself in a masculine manner) So I still never even thought it because I was thinking that the above wouldn’t bother her if she were.

She would go out of her way to bring up old boyfriends and comment frequently about good looking movie stars. So, I never really had any reason to think she was gay. Am I homophobic? I didn’t think so until my daughter told me she was gay. I have gay friends, LOVE the L Word, have even experimented in the swinger life style (sleeping with other women). So I would say I’m not. But in all actuality I am, in regards to my own daughter.

When she finally admitted it to me I remember going through all the normal feelings. Was it my fault? Is it hereditary? What will people think? Why me? Why my daughter? Why my perfect, beautiful, smart, successful daughter? The saddest thing I thought though was “Thank God it’s my daughter and not one of my sons!!!!” Yes, I do feel uncomfortable talking to her about her relationships, mostly because I’m not sure what to say, but she really doesn’t tell me much because she “doesn’t want to disappoint me.” Does she disappoint me? NO!!! Am I uncomfortable with her being gay? Not really! What I am uncomfortable with is this. WHY does she have to dress like a guy? That bothers me more than anything.

Myself and my other three daughters are all extremely feminine so this part of her really offends me. I’m only 44. I am not unaware. Even my doctor is a lesbian. Who also looks like a man. I watch the L Word and marvel at how beautiful, even the most masculine of the women, still look feminine. If I could get past this I would definitely be a more supportive parent to her. She called me yesterday. She has panic attacks now. Never had them before.

I’m worried about her health (she has a pacemaker). I told her to come home so that I could take care of her (I am really close with all my kids or I used to think so) but she said she never could because I wouldn’t like who she is and that she is a huge dyke. I didn’t even know what to say other than that I loved her and would no matter what. I feel lost, not only from myself but for her. She doesn’t seem to be comfortable in her own skin.

I don’t know about anyone else but I find it interesting that we as heterosexuals and I being one, think that there could be nothing other than heterosexuality.   I mean we think that once you have had sex with the opposite gender then wow, you would never consider being gay.

 I bring this up because I receive a lot of letters on my website GayFamilySupport and many of them  are from upset parents who have just found out their child is gay.  I use the term gay for all glb. 

These parents just as my husband and I at first often think that how could our precious children know they are gay if they haven’t had sex with the opposite gender.  Well I am here to tell you that they just do.

I know that I certainly did not need to have sex with a woman to know that I was definately straight.  I just new.  Don’t know why I new I just did.  And the funny thing is no one even asked why.

So why is it that we ask this stupid question to our gay children, as if they don’t have enough on their mind already?  Well we ask it because we don’t know any better.  We are terrified for our child and for ourselves and we will grab at anything we can in hope that our child will become normal again

Normal, what a strange word?  We could spend hours going on about that word.  So we are not going to.

If any of you people reading this are gay then please do not be too hard on us older folk for asking stupid questions like this.  Most of us do see the light at the end of the tunnel and do start acting much more maturely once we settle down and realise our beautiful children are still the same beautiful children they always were.  Some of us even trust their judgement and quite rightly so.

Latest News - 22 March 2007:

Sweden took a step toward allowing same-sex marriage Wednesday when a government appointed committee in Stockholm proposed extending this right to same-sex couples.

Sweden has provided for civil unions between same-sex couples since 1994 but does not permit same-sex marriages.

Former Chancellor of Justice, Hans Regner, who was commissioned in 2005 to review Swedish matrimony legislation, said the proposed amendments would take affect from January 2008.

If the new law is passed, couples who have entered such unions would automatically be considered legally married and the institution of civil union would be deleted.

Same-sex marriage is legal in five other countries: Canada, Belgium, the Netherlands, Spain, and South Africa. In the United States, the state of Massachusetts allows same-sex marriage.

The Swedish proposal needs parliamentary approval but is expected to pass in a country with widespread support for same-sex marriage.

Regner said he had considered various arguments against changing the marriage legislation but had come to the conclusion that there was no reason to reserve marriage for heterosexual couples only.

The Church of Sweden, a Lutheran church, welcomed the proposals saying that it will perform marriage ceremonies. Archbishop Anders Weyryd said that it was good that “same-sex couples would be offered the same legal protection”.

The new position adopted by the church would also end the need for same-sex couples seeking a church wedding to attend a civil registry. Whilst the Church of Sweden currently performs blessing ceremonies for same-sex couples, the church cannot register them and the couple must sign a civil registry at a government office.

Some 80 per cent of Sweden’s 9 million people belong to the Church of Sweden that was separated from the state in January 2000.

That the Church accepted the recommendations of the government report makes it even more likely that Parliament will approve the proposals.

How many parents out there do not look forward to spending special occassions with their family because one or more of their children are gay?  They often do not feel like celebrating anything at all when they are obviously feeling crap.  They often do not want to face up to the fact that their family is some what different to most.

Well, let me tell you that it does not have to be this way.  We have been through the emotional rollercoaster of finding out you have a gay child and I can honestly tell you that it is really ok on the otherside.

We have just had a lovely couple of days celebrating Easter with our sons and their partners.  It is funny how the ‘gay thing’ doesn’t even come into the equation any more.

We are first and foremost people who belong together as a family and our sexuality comes in at a very slow second.  This to many of you out there may think will be an impossibility in your lives but that is far from the truth.

I believe we have control of our destiny to a certain degree and this also includes making decisions for our own happiness.  Yes, my husband and I made the decision to be happy and enjoy our life and our children no matter what.

And when you think about it, who wants to live life in tears all the time or with hatred in your heart?  Certainly not us, so we don’t.  Instead we have fun.  That includes celebrations such as Easter. 

We have had a lovely time and I hope that you did too and if you didn’t then there will always be next year.  Even if you have to work at it believe me it is worth it.  Because there is nothing like loving your family and being loved in return.

Not so long ago my husband, myself and our two sons and their partners were invited to a family wedding.  The bride and groom and close family were aware of my sons sexuality and invited his partner openly.  I say only one son as the bisexual son is engaged to a female and of course that is accepted.

Everything was going very well as my son and his partner are great people and are fun to be around.  When it came to the time where the bridal waltz happened and everyone was to join the married couple for a slow dance I began to feel uneasy.

My husband and I got up as did my youngest son and his fiance.  Just about everyone got up accept my eldest son and his male partner.  This saddened my husband and myself deeply.  I decided to get the boys up and dance with me.  This was a little uncomfortable and in the end my son just said this is silly and grabbed his partner and danced a slow close dance with him.

My husband and I were terribly proud of them as they danced together proudly and lovingly just like everyone else.  Now you may say so what.  But as I was feeling proud I was also on edge because as much as I wanted this to happen I was nervous as this wedding had a lot of religious people there.

There were some staring and some very shocked looks but in general most people didn’t take any notice.  I felt that even after 7 years of knowing my son was gay this was still a hurdle that we all jumped together successfully. 

So even for the best of us who seem to have everything under control there will still be times where we have to be brave and take a huge step.  I know that by doing what we did it helped everyone not just ourselves.  A little step like this is a huge step for gay people.

Welcome to my new blog.  I am a mother who has a gay son and a bisexual son.  My website GayFamilySupport is full of relevant information to help all you parents out there come to terms with having a loved one who is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

I will be adding posts that I believe will be of interest to families in this situation.  They may be news related, poems, general information, answers to questions and so on.  The most important thing I would like to put across is that it is not the end of the world to have a gay child, in fact it is enriching.  I know I am a better person for it.

I have met so many lovely people and I have had so much fun on this journey.  I also have met some very sad people who have had a terrible time coping with their sexuality and their families.  Homophobia is rife in this world but with saying that there are also many, many people who are also very supportive. So not all is bad!