Gay Family Support Blog

Hello, my name is Nicole and I am happy to find your website.

I was recently  told by my daughter that she was gay.  I was shocked at first but then when I gave it a lot of thought, it made sense. My husband and I love and support her no matter what and want to be as helpful as possible but sometimes a person is not sure what exactly is the best way to help. She is struggling with it in her personal life cause most of her contacts are straight.

I suggested that she find a support group with kids her age (20) who are going through the same thing. We do not live in a big city but live an hour away from one.  She said that since she came out, when she’s around her peers, she feels like the elephant in  the room.  I know what she means but don’t know exactly how to advise her about dealing with it. I have gay friends (although much older) and was raised around gay people who were friends of my mom’s. Even with that, I still feel a little lost.

I would love an instruction manual to help me, ha ha, so if you can recommend one, I would appreciate it. Also, any advise from your more experienced moms would be great! We just want her to be happy. Thank you.

Hello and I wanted to ask a few questions. My daughter is gay has  married her  life partner who has given birth to a baby boy now going on age 2 ..My daughter  is very educated and has moved to the west coast to live and wants nothing to do with me??? Is it normal or let me put it another  way do gay adult children form new family bonds with other gays and shut out  family members for whatever reason????

I never had a problem with her being gay but feel she feels uncomfortable with me  I think. She told me she never wanted to talk about her childhood or bring up any memories. It is like she has erased herself and created another person. She has changed her name  and  her telephone number and will not answer my e-mails and I have pleaded for closure and giving me some  idea.

I asked her point blank what the problem and  I said your treating me as if I were a toxic parent. She said I was and made the call brief  thus in bad judgement  I called her a spoiled brat and went into the stunned  anger of saying all I have done for her….Looking back I see that was a hudge mistake. I have two older  sons who are loving people and we all get  the fact you must love and understand people for who they are and how they wish  to live their life…This is very painful and it seems so simple to me one talks it out but I will not be given that chance… I never drank, smoked pot, took drugs  but did make the mistake of letting her do what she wanted but she was a hard worker and always took care of her business and she was a great kid.

In her childhood age 9  I was a single parent with no child support and worked hard and gave her what I thought was a good life… I tried taking her to church  and  we both went for help on my divorce issues….  She was always so good and never gave me  few problems….. My daughter-in-law  ( her life partner ) has a MED, Ma and working on a PHD.in psychology and I think she does not care for me …Several years ago when I visited I stayed in a motel and no one offered to even fix a small meal.

We took a drive to the coast and my daughter wore  a head set and seemed not intredsted in talking.  I have not been back or seen the baby.  I have money, gifts and made the baby a homemade quilt.  It has been a very difficult and confussing  journey and I was not a parent who cared if she was gay?????  I am 62 and hope before I die she will forgive me for whatever i did and call. I would love to understand  so if this is something that happens often please let me know. If  I can help another person  please let me know…

hello my name is chase i was lookin through different sites on being gay when i came across yours i ready it and decided that i would send you an email. i recently just came to accept that i was bisexual i go for both guys and girls.. i was recenly outed on it by 2 of my friends who went through my phone and saw a text message i had sent to another guy and then took it and told everyone i am from a small town so the word didn;t take to long to get around my mom found out but never saud anything to me until my brother found out and told her about it my brother is cool with it says that he loves me no matter what i choose and that i will always have his support and always be his little brother.. my mom later asked me about it so i told her she went crazy tried to get me medical help and everything else that you can imagin my dad has no clue and don;t think that i could ever tell him he is a southern preacher who stands strong in what he believes. me and my mother have always had a very close relationship and very open until now i am now livin 2 lives and keepin myself as fao away as i can get from her to that she will not ask questions that way i do not have to lie to her about anything. i am at the end of my rope and don;t know what else to do and can’t keep livin like this.. i like to think of myself as a good person i go to school full time and work about 60 hours a week in the ER at the second largest hospital in GA and i am only 20 but for some reason none of that matters to my family if i am not “straight” i just don;t know what else to do or turn someone please help me. i am so tired of bein told that this was a choice that i made to be this way.

I am one of 6 siblings. Four of us are gay.  I am writing because even though you might think this is the ideal scenario for a lesbian to grow up in, we’re actually all quite isolated from each other. The two straight siblings are increasingly homophobic and have a holier than thou attitude towards the rest of us.

Recently, I was verbally and emotionally attacked by one of my straight siblings (male) because I did not give in to one of his “business plans.” This was followed by having to deal with homophobic slurs and a violent attack against my persona. What upsets me the most is that my gay siblings have a whole “don’t bother each other policy” and it’s a sweep everything under the rug family pattern. I don’t have anyone to go for support. My gay siblings do not even want my partner to come over for the holidays since the behavior is seen as “shaking” the well being of mother. They see it as “being in their face.” 

Although I didn’t want to isolate myself from my family, I am starting to feel like there isn’t any other option. The straight one’s don’t want to know anything about my personal life and the gay one’s are so internally homophobic themselves that they don’t wish to know anything about my partner and I either. (although they secretly criticize my relationship to death).

Is there a healthier way that I can deal with this besides isolating myself all together? I’ve tried communication, I’ve tried setting healthy boundaries, and I’ve tried being true to myself. However, at the end of the day it’s exhausting and I’m still the one causing all the “trouble” in their perspective.

I feel depressed and isolated and like there is something wrong with me. Even though I know there isn’t anything in particular that is wrong with me being lesbian…..I feel like the constant rejection from all of my family members is really getting to me. I don’t know how else to deal with it but by isolating myself from them all together and putting the energy into my new family or relationship.

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“If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasure of illusion. ” —Aldous Huxley